WHERE THE BLAME FOR UNHAPPY MARRIAGE RESTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIV, Issue 18, 21 January 1903, Page 11 (Supplement)

WHERE THE BLAME FOR UNHAPPY MARRIAGE RESTS.

(ByEUa .Wbeeler Wilcox.)

who discarded one AJ^^left.the bridegroom Vfor another * . decl dnig S <"' \° honeymoon in and, less than three Sfejf-uch cases is.asked*t ?not a solitary anstance. '. (ig till-' admitted that. vroand misinterpret their d 0 nu-take to a sad awakenS ie&rfe :irwhat ought a bride S^ffSTto two lovers ' and ?*»' lf ;fomnly tries her best to > a f° n f2 gloves, and then i ffhlCh s tolovehim, but after Stly fi l hat * really was the ***HfcS is the girl to do I'lßtr in Lite a different case it that man who is on <V 3» iour during courtship ! b> 3 * reveals faults of character, s<* thDe3 ; disposition, and even N*B not only disillusion the her think She d °r not *,ml that to continue on living *"£•! unendurable." no girl who is ob-H-JS of two men she loves" W le one sufficiently to make a X unless the man she marries an of tact and patience, arid ' aP 3vand devotedly in love with _lfk applies himself to the ask SStflSo love him. Even then shallow, very 1? ew Buperficial in the nature Ki_S7t*fl. driven to the neces--1 of studying her sentiments in such Sand who thinks to-day she loves 'i, to-morrow morning the other, U to-morrow evening restores 'first to favour, only to discard him i„ the second the next day. 'That is not love at all. It is mere rirlish caprice in a very young woman, ;„j should not be regarded seriously by Z one In an older woman it is an Sence of selfishness, and of a nature ineapalile of strong, deep feeling fllere are hundreds of women who love i 0 be loved where there is one who loves. There are young girls who seem to W er between two or even three suit--0 merely to add zest to the wooing of _e'secretly favoured one; but the wotanwhois unable to fully decide which P ftwo men has the greater attraction for ter is about as well equipped for marriage as the sailing vessel without Hi!? is equipped for sea. Win a man wins such a bride away from all rivals he is to be commiserated, E5 a rule; as would be the captain of tie sailless craft who set forth upon a fa voyage. If a young woman makes up her mind before the honeymoon is over that she ks no love for her husband, she .surely is wiser to face public comment and end the farce then and there than she would be to drag on through years of misery, ni finally end in the divorce court, with iw or fhjree children to share her tank j Scarcely a year passes that some such ' case as a deserted bride is not brought to the public attention. In conventional circles courtship allots little real acquaintance between tie lovers. They meet at formal occasions, clothed in their best manners. Here is none' of the opportunities for intimate knowledge of each other's char-tct-i-stics which exist in the simpler alb of life; nor is the conventionally tared young girl in any respect eduated on the natural lines which produce ideal wive 3, any more than is the fashionable young man liable to be an ideal insoand. The very germ of success in every unmaking is strong, intense feeling. The cT'tor, the actor, the poet, the inventor, to Musician, the artisan, who feels his Wik, and is absorbed in it, is the one »lo succeeds in it. I Marriage is a profession which men ad women take up presumably for life, ad it is a most important, profession, 'ace it is to influence future generaMi!! for good or ill. t-nless a woman and a man enter this l'ofes_ion with absorbing interest and j a intense feeling of love and devotion, «cannot be made a success. They may P along" after a fashion, but the raition will be a farce, compared to the I l dr . am^, of an earnest love marriage. Society" to-day educates young wo-1 *> to control and subjugate strong : iel «g; it is not "good form" to love ffi oseljr, and any element of passion is "f, in the eyes of Dame Fashion. He important phases of marriage, «-w relations, and maternity, are «er discussed by the modern young J* of the "cultured" classes and J mother-only the social and finan-

The average girl of the "upper walks" 'Me is therefore dwarfed and stunted to emotional qualities, and absoy ignorant of the masculine nature «ai she goes to the altar. meanwhile the man whom she selects khT .. haS ' as a ? ule > learned all .tows of feminine emotions and pasn horn women in other walks of life. ttke-tv aDd mother have nev er hß . ubjeet3; ,* hey Ha v Irt hl B hlv improper." has read French novel, and witW lem1 em mel °dramas-and half toS y ? eha - sf o^anideaof *<«W!? : * accordance these He l! Ie sta & e and novel. , cjoosea a gi rl of spotlesg r *11 W c lf \ yet he treats as if e3l^ aUße . heliasneverbe^edu. «*ZnZm*' V' BeusiWe man MsacT„S ? 8 BUb J ect of vital imdiansntu'^ d are the guarthe portal of fePu rgatory transfom Paradise int emoH t C n mial ' minded & rl of v - de "- *4 of W ODS and abs °lute ignorToi4 of S man de--0lt heintrip7- and without knowledge bit cnl? SOf Chaste femininityH who • 9 , can ensue? others«f ww e but the fathe « • Iti «^ardi n ° l thbrideand & room? Dto «* 2 ? 81n t0 brin S a S irl ? iah °od 2d 4 ; *° rear her to wokr ' Writ nr C T?, an y her t0 the rd. **%£££* marriage does '

Ife is a cardinal sin to allow a son to reach manhood years without knowing all that pertains to good, pure, refined womanhood —all that chastity, wifehood and motherhood mean to a woman. It is a crime to stunt a girl's emotional nature, and to allow a boy full use of all his masculine propensities, without wise counsel or guidance. And I boldly affirm it is upon the fathers and mothers of the land that nine-tenths of the blame for all the unhappy marriages of the world rests.

The bride who has been naturally, sensibly and properly educated by her mother, the groom who has been the intimate friend and confidant of his mother and of a broad-minded and refined father, will not disillusion or disgust or antagonise one another during the honeymoon, nor thereafter.

It is the ridiculous false modesty of parents and their shameful indifference to a subject which is the root of all existence that makes so many marriages failures.