MERRIER MOMENTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXII, Issue 167, 27 July 1901, Page 2 (Supplement)

MERRIER MOMENTS.

Drill Sergeant (to awkward squa<l)| The bullet of our new rifle win go right through 18 inches of solid wood, Remeniber that, you blockhfeadg!

"I've been pondering over a yery singular tiling." "What is it?" %£ putting a ring on a woman's thlHl finger should place you under tliat woman's thumb."

A pompous but nervous local magw nate at a farewell meeting described his clergyman as "A shoving jfcMjj. ard," instead of "A loving BhepheftO'

We can hardly credit the statement of a contemporary that De Wet hat telegraphed to Aldersbot:— "Send out some more Yeomanry. We are runr ning short of clothes."

Points of View.—Tommy: What, HJ that pudding for gran'pa, mumnjyV Mummy. No, dear, that's for yoi Tommy: What, that little bit?

Hardly Sympathetic—Police Cofe stable X V Z: Your 'usband'a up th» way;, he wasiso bad we simply 'ad to run 'im in. 'EL wants you to come up and bail 'im out. Wife: Bail im oiitl Wy, ain't you got a stummick ptiriiijt

Salesman : I am sorry nothing &{s» pleases you, madam. . ~ :, Miss Schopper (who has oVerhatilfed the entire stock) : On the contrary^ indeed. Nothing, gives me more elk* joyment than to look over new good*, Good morning!

A little girl, aged nine, ijalled he)r father to her bedside the other $Hpr ingl "Papa," Said; fthe littlfl diplomat, "I want to ask your advice.?' "Wellj my little dear, what is It about?" "What do you think it would; be best to give me cm my birthday?"

Visitor: Why do you have "K6*» off the grass" notices all over thfi park? You don't Seem to enforce' tKe rule. Policeman: We do it So tiUtk people will the more thoroughly efijci(y being on the grass.

"What is it," asked the Wag1 0* t|4» company in a railway compartmenl, "that goes with, the train, lattfjs'when it stopsj that'? no use to it, aM yet it can't go ten yards without itf 1 "Give it up." "The 'noiae,, 1 *

Little four-year-old Willie had k»<&" told repeatedly that he must nStff1" ask for anything when at the t£JSle» but wait patiently until he vn» tfeff*' cd. One day while dining at a neighbour's with his mother, the little !#■ low was accidentally overlooked,, JpJk tience finally ceased to be a virtuV and in an audible whisper he s*ldj "Mamma, do little boyS go to Heaven when they starve'to deatfi?"

"I have come in here," hissed't& wild-eyed giant, "to clean out this house."

"House-cleaning is just over/'.responded the busy man, ty&3#' " Come round next April and i might consider your application."

At a match between ManchWW City and Aston Villa, att old lad* # oitedly pushed her way to th* frOftt of the crowd, just at the moment II the kick-off. "Joekl" she1 shouted to ohe of the backs Of the home tW&r "mind if ye fa', fa' foi*lt!" Tliiiij t<* H|he amufeeintent |of the byMandeiß, she expaiiied that she had wsen Tnesr Ing her son's pants, and wae airi&M ishe had "left the needle in tho ftafiSr

the late Bishop of London, f loved a good story, tbld the foil<rtnff| at a Church gathering:—He said tnit he remembered a lychgate in fronl $ & beautiful church, which had .Wf* restored and made very nice. "lihW9 was painted over the door, "Tbii.V the gate of Heaven," and undernea^ was a large notice, "Please go r©U#» the other wtty."

"What's that there young matfi?, business?" asked Mr farvenue. "W** a tutor> I believe," replied W8: «^ "What does he teach?" "One of theffl, old sciences, I s'potee," answered M*» Parvenue. "1 ain't just sure wbii't i* is, but last nigHt Mabel told toe P was giving her a lesson in Oticttllt1 tioii." "Well, I s'piose she's got f* be educated,*' returned the old mail "I only hope he won't charge iW* fancy,price for his lesions."

Let the -Cat Out of the Bag^A* sistant (after cutting off seventei* patterns): "Will there be anjty&jt more to-day, madam*?" Miss GrablM% "No, thank you; but, let me »«» * think you had better let me ha# !*• other patterns My mother la go ...im\: particular. Cut a pifecft from that **| Under your hand." email Siste* (W# , enough to be overheard): "Why* nte, mother said she wastrt fdiif * ntivft any blue in thit tftnzy qtiflti i* cause it fades *6." * ; "