TALES FROM TOMMY.

Auckland Star, Issue 311, 31 December 1900, Page 8

TALES FROM TOMMY.

NUBSES, NOURISHMENT AND

PILLS

INSTRUCTIVE STOEIES

The private letters from the seat of war are (writes our London correspondent) still full of most interesting matter. There appeared one in an out-of-the-way paper in Hunts (the "Ramsey Herald") the other day which narrowly escaped oblivion. It is the work of Private Hicks, of the 3rd Grenadier Guards, and confirms the stories already published of the march from Belfast to Komati Poort. Private Hicks says: —

The rations we had were three pounds of flour for five days and if a man can live and march on that he is a good one. Why can't they keep us better than that? Stuff is lying against ou*r walls and we starving. When we get to where there is some stuff we can't touch anything-. Our officers sell it to us; one tin of cocoa for five shillings. It is shameful. They live better out here than they do in London, having the best of everything. They write in the papers how well we are living, but don't you believe it. Meanwhile the correspondent whlo has already written to us of Tommy's joys and sorrows, having returned to Pretoria with the Guards Brigade, sends us some more tales from Tommy: — _^^ THE WRONG END. """ There are nurses and mirses. One of them was detailed to take the temperatures of six men and put the glass in their rriouths wrong end first. Her report showed the temperatures of all to be over 10G. The doctor hurried "down and told the men to lie down, as, according, to their temperature, they should be all dead. Explanation's .followed and the nurse re ceived a severe lecture and was put in another post. A certain general officer remarked that these amateur nurse*, would serve their country better if they could persuade the Boers to accept their services. He said the nurses' sympathies could then be with the Boer sick and wounded and so would ours! TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK. There was one nurse who was religiously inclined, and Avas continually drumming into the men the necessity of their following her ideas.. She got down by the bedside of one of her patients (an army boxing champion) and tried to impress irito him the idea of turning the other cheek. She said: "Now, suppose a man came up and struck you without a cause, you would nlot.-retaliate, would you?" "No, miss," answered the boxer. "That's right," said the lady, encouragingly. "I am glad to hear you say that. What would you do?" "Ad jest knock daylight out o' 'im, miss," . replied the scrapper, and that course of religious instruction'finished. ONE OF THE RIGHT g'OET. In one hospital the patients ctould do nothing right, and finally men refused to take their medicine. The nursing sister, who was unpopular, was deposed arid a real nurse arrived. j She was,a. strapping, determined lookingl girl, who spoke to Tommy in his own lingo. She told them she was going-to buck them up and if they didn't get well soon she'd have her own opinion about them. They weren't volunteers, she said, nor "rookies." They ware real soldiers, and she was a real soldier's daughter, and had a soldier brother, and knew something. Soon the invalid faces grew brighter, and while she scolded, coaxed and ordered she made herself everyone's chum. The' men were sorry to leave the hospital, and they were so grateful that the nurse is now at a loss to know what to do with all the Transvaal brooches, Kruger sovereigns, Scottish Gift Fund tobacco boxes, and Queen's chocolate boxes she has since received from Tommy. Yet lam sorry to add that this real.woman is looked down upon by the "lady' nurses" as a "forward person."

THE "VETEEINAEY'S" MULE,

The doctor as always the "veterinary" with Tommy. One doctor here has a great belief in the efficacy of his "No. 99" pill, and no matter what a man goes sick with he gets a "No. 99," with the result that a considerable portion of ground near the camp has been portioned off as a burial place. Lately a mule broke into the doctor's tent and got outside of all the "No. 99V! that the doctor had in stock. He was' also foolish enough to attempt tq digest a diploma, that the doctor had carelessly left lying about. The nexi day the mule died, and it is the general Opinion tliat the diploma did it. It was a fatal diploma anyway. The "veterinary" has lately brought out a new pill with another number. It is practiea-lly^.the same as the "No. <>9" in range, and kills at the same distance. ■■' ;

In consequence of the non-arrival of the new Aniericaniinail steamer Sierra to-day there will now be no reception on board-ion. her arrival'to-morrow on account -of, it being- New Year's Day, when it is anticipated the commercial community ™W be out of the city.,