TABLE TALK.

Auckland Star, Volume XXXI, Issue 68, 21 March 1900, Page 1

TABLE TALK.

Licensing- elections. Brisk polling- to-day. I "Graphic." published to-day. More Bough Eiders gone South. ■' Fire in Grafton Road last night. Lord and Lady Eanf urly are in Dunedin. Kitchener has occupied Prieska vox* opposed. Free Staters have gone jback to their farms. General Buller. will continue his ad* vance shortly. .Fourth. Contingent leaves Dunedia next Saturday. Auckland Board of Education met this afternoon. New Zealand Second Contingent is mentioned in to-day's cables. There is a rush for inoculation against the plague at Sydney. "The Fifth Contingent will consist of five companies, each of 100 men. Lieut.-Col. Somerville is to go to the Cape with the Fourth Contingent. The "Graphic" contains nine full page pictures and hosts of others. Over thirty thousand more British troops are en route to South Africa. The formal opening- of the Riverhead Paper Mills will take place to-morrow. Lord Methuen is expected, to advance on Mafeking- and then on Pretoria. A woman committed suicide, at Huntly yesterday by cutting her throat. A big cargo of oats was sent away ; from Lyttelton for South Africa last evening. A further detachment of Aucklanders left to-day to join the Fifth, Contingent, Colonel, Pole-Penton has arrived at Dunedin to take charge of the Fourth. Contingent arrangements. Krug-er says he despises Salisbury's threat to hold him responsible for any acts not recognised in. civilised warfare. Splendid views of the children at the sports of the Auckland Public Schools' Athletic Association, in this week's "Graphic." ' . "Our neighbours are shiftless people." "How do you know?" "When I go over to borrow anything they;, never have it." Casey: "See here. That dollar you lent me yesterday was a counterfeit.." Cassidy: "Well, Casey, didn't ye say ye wanted it bad?" , Lieut. Bosworth, late of the Telegraph Department in Auckland, left-to-day to join the Fifth Contingent for South Africa. ' Capt. C. T. Major, who leaves for South Africa ..with the Fifth Contingent, was farewelled last evening by, the College Rifles. . ■ The acme of politeness was reached by a mining superintendent, who posted a placard reading, "Please do nob tumble down the shaft," The. twelve men required to complete the Fifth Contingent (Auckland section) were selected by ballot at the Epsom camp last evening. , The turret steamer Vine Branch lcati Lyttelton yesterday for Durban with a cargo of 50,b'i'6;sacks ofoats, shipped' at'Lyttelton,1 Bluff and Tjinaru. The second yacht race for the Thelma Cup in connection with the Auckland Yacht Club is to take place on Saturday next. Entries close tomorrow. • - There will shortly be four troopships .on the water carrying the Fourth' and Fifth Contingents to South Africa —rthe Gymeric, Monowai, Maori and Waimate. . • . Mr Pirani, M.H.8., met with another serious- accident yesterday, his bicycle colliding- with a clog cart. Mr Pirani sustained a fractured shoulder and abroken collarbone. "Look here!" said an excited man to a druggist. "You gave me morphine for quinine this 'morning." "Is that so?" said the. druggist,, "Then you owe me sixpence." • Krug-er s«iys he doe's not expect any outside help,-that ,40,000 Boers are fighting .to conquer or.-die. They, claim absolute independence and amnesty for disloyalists..- .;■;:,;,: • "Did that scathing personal denunciation of your colleague produce any. visible effect on him?" "Yes," answered the legislator, ruefully. "He weut to sleep while I was delivering it."

Penurious Philanthropist (handing halfpenny to small.boy whoJias been holding his horse for about. an hour): "There,, my lad, there's something- for you." Small boy: "Can ' I keep the change, mister?"- ». . ■ .

"Well,-aftersthe .witness gave you a blow, what- happened'?" askjsd the counsel. "He gave me a third one," replied the prisoner." "You mean a second one." "No, sir; I landed him the second one." ■

A joke is being greatly relished about a trooper in an English Yeomanry regiment, composed- of many well-bred young men, who, on retiring for the night at barracks, put his boots out to be cleaned.

The cable between Oterangi Bay and White's Bay was picked up by the Tutanekai yesterday afternoon", a new piece spliced, and communication by, that cable from Wellington to Christchurch restored by nine o'clock. Bill: "I'm making money selling mice." Jill: "Whom do you'sell them to?" "The professor of music on-the next block." "What on earth does he. want mice for?" Why, he uses them for trying the voices of young- ladies." A lad named Gainsford is in the Christchurch liospitaVin a critical condition as the 'result of a revolver wound in the stomach. He, with others boys, was playing with'a revolver on Sunday, when it exploded, and a bullet lodged in Gainsf ord's stomach. "Can't the Democrats of this town get together?" inquired the political exhorter in Kentucky. \'Get together!" answered the man with court plaster on his ear; "why, it takes eleven' deputy sheriffs to keep 'em apart!" The Devonpoi^t Borough Council has decided to take objection to over 140 of the valuations of property in that borough, made by its own valuer, as being too low, and has resolved to instruct Messrs Devore and Cooper to appear in support of the objections be* fore the Assessment Court. Lieut.-Col. Newall, who goes to the Cape in command of the Fifth Contingent, served through the Waikatov and Taranald wars, and. in the Ure= wera campaign. He was in command of the, military force .which was sent to Hokianga at the time of Hone Toia's disturbance some time back; •.....— -•