AN INSURANCE AGENT'S WATERLOO.

Auckland Star, Volume XXX, Issue 256, 28 October 1899, Page 13 (Supplement)

AN INSURANCE AGENT'S WATERLOO.

"Is this Mr Gwilliams?" inquired the cnller, a smug personage of self-possessed bearing and business-like aspect, addressing: himself to the somewhat angular, elongated man seated at the roll-topped desk. "Yes, sir." "Glad to know you, Mr Gwilliams. My name is Scorjel—Godfrey Scorjel. I see you are busy, and I am not the man to take m> another man's time without some good reason for it. Are you carrying all the life insurance you want, Mr Gwilliams?" "Yes, sir," "Yes? I represent the UnpuncturaMe Mutual Life Association, a company, Mr Gwilliams, that combines the stability of' the old line insurance organisations with1 the economy of the fraternal insurance or- I ders. It guarantees to furnish absolutely! reliable protection at actual cost. We pay: no fancy salaries, Mr Gwilliams. The officers of the Unpuncturable, Mr Gwilliams—" "Your family well, Mr Scorjel?" "Oh, yes, thanks. As I said, we furnish ilit- best Insurance at actual cost. What is your age, Mr Gwilliams?" "My age? Well, suppose you put it down a I 3u." "ll'm—l should have guessed you were considerably over that. However, on the basis of — let me see—here It is—at 'M it would cost you on each 1000 dols. only i) dols. CO, Mr Gwilliams. Figuring on the basis of—of 45, let us say, it would cost only 17 dols. 88 a year, or a little over 89 dols. a year on 5000 dols. I defy the woiTd, Air Gwilliams, to equal those figures " "Do you belong to any church, Mr Seorjel?" "No, I'm not exactly a member. I attend church pretty regularly, though. I believe in churches, and all that, of course. I've taken the applications of hundreds of church members. In fact, the Unpuncturable almost makes a speciality, you might say, of insuring that kind of people. It pays bigger dividends, Mr Gwilliams, thau any company " "What is your first name, Mr Scorjel?" "Godfrey." "Oh, yes. I remember. Ever in McConnellsvilh\ Ohio?" "1 never was. Now " "Handsome old town. Some of the best people 1 have ever known came from MeConnellsvllle. If ever you have the chance, Mr Scorjel, you must visit McConuellsville without fill." "Yes, I certainly will. How much life insurance did you say you were carrying, Mr Gwilliams?" "I didn't say, Mr Scorjel. I said I was carrying all the life insurance I wanted to carry, Mr Scorjel." "I know, of course, how it always strikes a man when anybody talks life insurance to him. If he's asked straight up and'down if he wants any insurance nine times out of ten he says he doesn't. But when I can get a man to listen for just a few minutes while I show him how much better our plan is than any other. Mr Gwilliams " "By the way, Mr Scorjel, did you ever take up oxygen as a special study?" "I can't say 1 ever did." "It's a wonderfully fascinating subject. The air we breathe. Mr Scorjel, as you may be aware, is composed of about 21 parts of oxygen and 79 parts of hydrogen. With every breath you draw you cause the air to lose about 5 per cent, of its oxygen. If we suppose you breathe 20 cubic inches of air at each inspiration and breathe IS times a minute, you cause 4.03 cubic inches of air to pass through your lungs every minute, and in an hour you vitiate—let me figure a little—you vitiate, Mr Scorjel, a quantity of air equal to " "It wouldn't take me two minutes, Mr Gwilliams, to " "But passing by the mere question of figures, Mr Scorjel, let us consider oxygen in iis relation to the blood. The oxygen is taken up by the lungs and carried off in the arterial circulation, imparting to the blood In the process the bright red colour " "Now, there's no use of you trying" to have' fun with me, Mr Gwilliams " "I don't like to mention it, Mr Scorjel, but you have been chewing a wooden toothpick ever since you came in. I may be unduly fast id ions, but the habit offends me. A nuin who goes around chewing a toothpick—thanks; yon look better now—will run his arm behind a girl's elbow and grab her hand in his as he walks along the street with her " "Then 1 suppose, Mr Gwilliams, it's no use to " "Jvot the least in the world, Mr Scorjel. The girl doesn't need to be supported in that manner— —" "Think you're smar's,, don't you, Mr Gwiliiams " "Beg pardon, Mr Scorjel, but if you interrupt me in this way how can I tell you what I think of a man who wipes his face with his handkerchief and then looks at the hai'pkerchief to see the result " "What kind of a blamed old " "That's right, Mr Scorjel! Sv/ear and call names, Mr Scorjel! I don't mind it. you half civilised boor. I am used to it. If J were not the most patient man since Job I'd be In hot water all the time, for somebody is always trying to irritate me. But I won't "be irritated, confound you! Some uiei: would get up and kick you out of the office, Mr Scorjel, but I shall simply—hallo, James! Show this man the nearest way to the elevator, will you?" — "Chicago Tribune."