RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XXX, Issue 256, 28 October 1899, Page 12 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

ZAMEEIL

Some write, a neighbour's name to lash. Some write—vain thought—for needful

cash. Some write to please the country clash, And raise a din. For me. an aim I never fash— I write for fun.

Three'weeks' time will see our NewZealand soldier-boys at the Cape, and within measurable distance of Xhe flying bullets and Mausers of Kruger's army. I can well imagine the disgust of the contingent should they land on South African shores only to find the war at an end: but for their sakes 1 trust that they will be allowed a chance of seeing a little active service. The exploits of the Gordon Highlanders and other British corps at the two big fights on the Natal frontier last week show that the old dashing spirit which won Fontenoy and which found vent at Balaclava, and later still at the heights of Dargai has not vanished from the army: and if our little contingent should be too late to smell powder its members will at least have the honour of associating with some of the famous regiments of the Imperial army. And, whether they should hear the din of battle or not they will ha\e as warm a welcome back as (j the farewell at Wellington last Saturday: and in after years they will be able*to spin yarns of the momentous times when they belonged to "the contingent." ********** - As might have been expected, the amateur poet has not let slip the opportunity of versifying afforded him by the despatch of the contingent. In most of the New Zealand papers during the last week or two there have appeared all sorts and conditions of more or less poetical i screeds, all based on the young New Zealand army, and containing a great deal of "hurrah," and "God bless our contingent." And the real poetLaureate of the English-speaking people, Kudyard Kipling, has not neglected the chances which the Transvaal crisis laid bare to his spirited pen. The following verses are part of Kipling's last poem, apropos of Kruger, which --appeared in the London '•Times" lately: — All we have of freedom—all we use or know — . This our fathers bought for us. long anu long: ago. Ancient right unnoticed as the breath wo draw— Leave to die by no man's leave, underneath the law. Cruel in the shadow, crafty in the sun, Far behind his borders shall his teaching run, Sloven,- sullen, savage, secret, uncontrolled — Laying on a new land evil of the old. Here is naught unproven. here is nothing: hid; , . Step, for step and word for word—so the olcl Kins did Stop by step and word by word, who is ruled may read. Suffer not the old King-, for we know the breed. All the right they promise, all the wrong they bring— Stewards of the Judgment, suffer not this King. ********** Somewhat similar sentiments, though in a lighter vein, are expressed iii another effusion —not by Kipling — which is reminiscent of "Hoeh, der Kaiser!" Herr Kruger, he vos president, Und yoost der same as king; So vendey valk upon his corns He svears like onyting. He voodn't stop ter listen ter .Do speech vot Milner made; Yaw, Kruger suffer kreatluy from Der svellin' in der head. Herr Kruger, like der pooldog- ant, . Vos mcd ■ and vont der foight; Und Sfhreiner say, "Ko in, old man, Ye sthick ter you all right." So Kruger tink der Boerish prown ■ "Vill vonce more lick der red; Per growth vas apnormal of Der svellin' in der head. So dot Is vy Herr Kruger now He kerry on so kveer, tjnd stemp apout der Transvaal Till he sphill his lager peer. Soom day, yen mooch oxcited, he Vill mek dem English mcd, Und dey send him out a boultice for Der svellin' in der head. *********** The Great pow-wow at Wellington having ended, our legislators are once ' more at home, and for the next six ■weeks at least will have to vie with other political aspirants in recognising all and sundry, shaking hands on every possible occasion, and baring their heads with the deepest veneration to the political women. The game of. hocus-pocus may now be said to have fairly begun. The unfortunate working man cannot now get a mid- j day meal without being asked to lis- ' ten to a political yarn from some candidate, just as if the horny-handed ! had not as much time as anyone else I to go out at night and attend political j meetings. The average artizan can see as far through a brick wall as anyone else, and knows perfectly well what value to set upon the gentlemen Who display such wonderful interest in his welfare once every three years. The new candidates have had a handicap over the members, because they have been working the ground while the others were fixed at Wellington attending their public duties, but I don't suppose that will count for much at the finish because the sitting members have the great advantage of being able to tell what they would have done if it had not been for some other fellow who blocked them.' For the next five weeks we shall have Auckland's isolation, necessity for railway communication, and San Francisco mail service trotted out on every possible occasion. As the 'hymn says: '"Tis an old story still, old but still ever new," and no doubt in three years' time it will still 'be a case of "Tell them the old, old story." It was thought the Federation question might cause a diversion this time, but as only three persons attended the last meeting called, and one of them was an unfortunate reporter, who would not have been there if he could have helped it. apparently the latest revival of the National Association is not likely to loom largely yet awhile. For tfie present candidates may still safely have "an open mind" on this question, uptil they see what the majority ot the electors want, though apparently-

even now it would be quite safe to come out boldly against Federation, at all events in the towns.

•Tjt-Yjwj-jAi-Nk-w^N vJ-Ji.jjfcJv

For the next couple of months the political quidnunc will be in clover, riding' round in cabs, smoking1, cigars, and drinking — well, say, lemonade, at somebody else's cost. That particular .stamp of man does not impress one as calculated to strike out the top line in the local option poll, but as there are ladies now in the same profession it was just as well to use the word

lemonade. When women were en- j franchisee! a good deal was said about the elevating- effect it would have upon politics. "Zamiel" has not noticed it yet. but hopes to do so in the next Parliament. There should be some hope of amendment because this session the personalities became so blackguardly that surely bottom has , been reached, and any change will be for the better. The cry last time was, i "measures, not men." This election. 1 perhaps, it would be as well to reverse '- it in certain cases and try and get gentlemen who would also support the i measures demanded by the people. 'Auckland, fortunately, can cong-ratu-ilate itself upon the fact that not one iof its representatives this session has jbeen accused of either drunkenness, 'lying, or idiocy. These are strong ex- | pressions. but, shorn of adornment. I that is I'he plain meaning of the ! charges hurled at some members by virulent opponents. What is still I more satisfactory also is that Auck- j land members have not been guilty of j making- such imputations against fel- ; low legislators. Our representatives I may not be perfect, but at least they did'not disgrace the people who sent j them by mistaking abuse for arg-u- I ment. if it requires a man with a copious flow of Billingsgate to secure justice for Auckland, although we have not got one amongst the candidates at present, still he might easily be found at most political meeting's asking questions in a rasping, stentorian voice,-very suggestive of the professional street lecturer. ********** A policeman's life is not always a1 happy one. even iv fair Fiji. Down in that'land of sugar-cane and big bananas they have" a force of armed native constabulary, and a company of these darkey police are stationed at Suva. Lately these men became disi satisfied with things, chiefly because !of too little pay and too much work. So they "struck" work and refused to !do any more constabulary duty till their 'wages were "riz" like other classes of labour. Now, had this hap- ! pened in New Zealand, the worst fate that could have overtaken the nial- | content armed "bobbies" with the i fuzzy-wuzzy hair would have been the ! "sack": and the probabilities would ■ have been that their employer would i bave been hauled before the Board of i Conciliation and forced to give the strikers eight shillings a day and all 1 night in. But being in Fiji, and the I force being a semi-military one. the I "strike" of the native police is treated more seriously. A court-martial was held and four" of the ringleaders were' called on to toe the mark, with the result that four of the men were sent- I enced to three months' hard labour land two others to a week in gaol. This sort of thing is calculated to diseourns'e strike in the land of Thnkombau "and Thurston, at nnyrate amongst the bare-footed guardians of the peace. ********** I They—the exclusive kind of New York they, of course —had something of an experience at a ball recently, at 'the fashionable watering-place--New-i port. An awful row outside the jhouse caused the guests to flock to the porch. There they saw the coachman of one of the guests, running amuck. Ladies promptly became hysterical, and as no police were at hand, the host rose to the emergency. Calling together the young men of the party he organised a band of cowboys. Obtaining a- rope, they went at the groom in "Wild West" fashion, corralled him between two fences, and then lassoed and bound him in the most approved style. After this the ladies of the party took their departure in as good order as possible, one by one. The host's troubles were not ended, however, for it was discovered that one of the young ladies had now no man to drive her home. This was a very easy matter to arrange. Word was given to the host, and as quickly as he had changed himself from a society cotillion leader to chief of the "Newport Cowboys," he turned now into a coachman, popped up on the box- of the carriage, and through the pouring rain drove her to her parents' villa, five miles away. An intoxicated monkey caused a lively scene at Reilly's Hotel at.Coney Island, New York, the other day. The monkey is kept in the bar and is pre--1 vented'from escaping by a long chain fastened round its waist. A visitor treated the beast to four cocktails, which made it drunk and bad-tem-pered. It wanted more cocktails, and being refused seized a whiskey bottle ' and striking the visitor on the head with it sent him senseless to the floor.

The bar tender tried to seize the animal, but it repulsed him by a blow with another bottle, which broke and cut his head. The monkey then stood at the back of the bar and pelted everyone with bottles and glasses, several persons being wounded. The proprietor ti-ied to quiet the beast, butreceived a bottle of Vermouth in the face and had some of his front teeth knocked out. The monkey smashed all the mirrors and every bottle of liquor it could reach. The police were at last sent for and lassoed it. Some idea of the vastness of what is popularly termed "the liquor traffic" may be gathered from figures compiled by the Local Government Board respecting the amount paid for licenses alone in the Countj r of London in the financial year which ended on March- 31 last. For licenses to retail spirits the sum paid was £203,935; to retail beer, £5,114; beer and wine, £3,597; cider, £13* 15/; wine only, £292; sweets, £213. Those amounts have reference to sale for consumption on the premises; the licenses to sell beer and wine for consumption off the premises realised £3916. Then the licenses for spirit- dealers produced £32,144, for beer dealers £5197, for wine dealers £17,062, and for sweet dealers £105, whilst the refreshment house keepers, for the privilege of carrying on their business, paid £2570. Altogether the contributions from these various sources nmo;inted to nearly £274,000, wnich, under the provisions' of the Local Government Act of ISBB, goes to the relief of local taxation. The grand total of license hi ties which by the same measure are handed over to the loeaT authorities, »omes to £462,723—near1y half a million of money for licenses in the metropolitan county in one year!