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Auckland Star, Volume XXIX, Issue 101, 30 April 1898, Page 2 (Supplement)

Jlusband: My friend hardly recognised you to-day.—Wife: That's strange, for I wore the same, hat you bought for me three years ago.

Bobby: Mamma, am I a lad?— Mamma Bobby.—Bobby: And is my new papa my stepfather?—Yes.—Then, am I his step-ladder?

Tommy came home from school and handed to his father the master's report on his progress during the month. 'This is very unsatisfactory, Tom; you've a very small number of good marks.l'm not at all pleased with it.' 'I told the master you wouldn't be, but he wouldn't" alter it,' declared Tommy. .

I hope they don't give my darling Johnny any naughty nicknames at school?' 'Yes, ma, they do; they call me "Corns."' 'How dreadful! Why?' ''Cause in our class, you know, I'm always at the foot.'

Rev. Mr. Goodman—You are l a very noble little fellow, Tommy. Now, tell me what deep, underlying principle prompted you to forgive those wicked boys who ■called you ugly names ? Tommy—They were all bigger than me.

I don't mind Jack's slang,' said one of the girls. 'He is so clever in the use of it' —'How so?.'—'Why. he,sent me three dozen photos, of "famous beauties" with a card on .which the only words were,; "You're another. ' - *