RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XXVI, Issue 214, 7 September 1895, Page 10

RANDOM SHOTS

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Some ■write, a neighbour s name to laan Borne writ©—rain thought! for needful cash. Some write to please tne cpunlry clash, And raise a xlin. For me. an aim I never fash— I wiit© tav tmu

Opk gallant defenders have been favoured with -another of Colonel Fox's epigrammatic defence reports this week, and tho redoubtable .commandant's strictures on our soldiers make some interesting reading. Col. Vox is gifted with a sarcastic pen a 8 well as a sharp tongue, and of course it i s rery easy to -be sarcastic at other people's expense when a man has an easy billet lucrative at the same time. Col. Fox awards well-deserved condemnation to some of our volunteer corps, a number of which in the Auckland district are doing no good and might as well be disbanded. In come respects the Colonel's report in nob very reassuring, especially when he informs the public that'the six inch b 1 guns are in an unehasehooped condition,' are dangerous to fire, and naturally not to be depended on for defence. Our powder, too, is getting blue-mouldy through old age, and the fuses have one foot in the grave. This being the case we might with advantage to ourselves evacuate the gun-pits in time of war and leave the unsuspecting Japanese or John Chinaman to fire those formidable • unchasehooped' guns, which it seems would be more dangerous to friend than foe.

Our 'Military Adviser,' inthe course of his report on the volunteers, slates some of the companies with a terseness which is Bomewhato vague, as he does nofc condescend to give details of the faults. "The Waipku amateur soldiery are ■• bad, , the Pukekohe Prairie Prowlers are ' indifferent,' and the Pride of Te Aw&Eauta are ' bad. , Simply that and nothing more. The Hamilton Rifles have, however, two words vouchsafed them— * most inefficient.' The Hamilton boys evidently 'take the cake' in the gallant Colonel's estimation. Those country corps must feel proud of themselves now. They are almost on a par with the Auckland xrfle rcompatries m point ot inefficiency, according to the Defence report. Tins is 'serious enough, bub the volunteers are not wholly to blame. The capitation grant has <been reduced year by year, until hardly enough is left to decently uniform the few men who still stick to volunteering, and in a multitude of ways friction is engendered between the volunteers and the defence authorities. Until a more liberal scale of capitation is allowed, so long will volunteering remain in its present half-dead state. There is one ray of comfort in Colonel Pox's reporb, and that is with -regard to the naval and field artillery volunteers in Auckland. It is a relief to find thab the Colonel realiy considers these corps ' good ' and ' very good.' After all, there is some goodness in us, it seems, even to Colonel Fox's martinet ideas, and we may still put our trust in the naval portion of our citizen soldiery. As for some of the country corps, especially in remote localities, ib is hard to see of what possible use they could be now thab Maori troubles are done with. Surely the foeman would not waib in his ehlp outside until we got the Te Aroha Rifles down by special train, to take potshots ab him ?

It is wonderful how little excitemenb was caused by the crisis through which the Bank of New Zealand has jueb passed. The calmness wit.h which the whole proceedings were regarded in this end of the colony, speaks volumes for bhe confidence reposed in the ability of the Government and in the resources of the country to avoid any financial disaster, and to ultimately pub our chief banking institution upon a sound and business-like footing. Depositors were made perfectly secure ab the outset by the declaration of Bank of New Zealand notes aa legal tonder, and the unfortunate shareholders, though mulcted in another call, were let off so much easier bhan might have been expected, thab bhey seem to have become reasonably resigned to make bhe besb of ib. Some of them no doubb have made a tidy little sum oub of the mining boom, and look upon the call as a mere trifle, bub others are hard hit, and will find it somewhat difficult to scrape up enough to meet bhe demand made upon them as instalments fall due. The general outlook, luckily, is more cheerful than ib has been for many years, and bbere is good reason to believe bhab evidences of a revival in trade and improved values of some of our leading exports, backed up by the wonderful revival in our mining industry, will ehorbly place us all once again on bhe high road to prosperity.

Gold has been found in most unlikely places, both here and in other parts of the world, and judging by recent developments ia this end of the colony I am nob surprised at anything. The other day, when I heard of a clever old fowl thab had been picking up gold nuggeba ab Tairua, bub unfortunately had its career as a prospector suddenly stopped by a twisting of its neck, I thought ib the mosli likelj of stories, and I was quite prepared to learn shortly after thab another clever chicken had done as much for her owner ab the Huia. There is so much gold about jusb now, thab these fowls can hardly help picking up specimens, and if they are only killed ab the proper time, a rich harvest will no doubb be reaped. I am now told bhab one of the mosb recently pegged oub Kuaotunu claims includes the ocal cemetery, and I have been wondering A'hether those who become shareholders in the 'spec' will be entitled, withoub any special consideration, to a six by foul' plot on bhe surface. Mining operabions. I presume, will nofe be allowed bo disturb bhe graves or their occupants, bub no doubb if the prospects Warranb ib, the cemetery will be undermined, and the dear departed will j truly bang suspended, like Mohammed's j coffin, between heaven and earth. I don't know much about this venture, but I would suggest bo the promoters to christen it the Cemetery, the Graveyard, or the Haunted Goldmining Company. There's a good deal in a name, and it would certainly nob fail to floab through lack of attention. Thez'e ia certainly much suggestiveness of a graveyard in goldmining, but times are co good and things a-booming so that the christening would be probably regarded a% rather a good joke. I saw ib stated in an American paper recently that over a million pounds worth of gold is buried in cemeteries. Ib consists of the ' filling ' of decayed teeth of 'bhose whose mining and speculating days are over, bub of course this has nothing to do with the pegging oub of bhe Kuaotunu cemetery.

The case-hardened politician becomes accustomed in time to fight his wordy battles in the utmost of good humour, and to fraternise after bhe fray with hie deadliesb enemy, in the political sense. The young and ardent member of Parliamenb may lose his temper, bat the conning 'old hande' know a game worth two of thab. ' What is *-he use of fighting over mere principles V I Jfancy I hear them aek, • Why, there's no

money in it; what's the use of quarrelling over the dashed thing?" A lady correspondent of a Southern paper seems to have been quite taken aback by this unexpected phase of party politics. She writes thus : ' The friendliness of members outside the House after their acerbities within is apt to make one gasp until you get accustomed to the idea, A little while ago I listened to a member pouring forth burning words against another who I thonghb must have I been almosb shrivelled up with the heat of the blast. I thought: "How these politicians hate one another !" Judge, then, of my amazement when I saw these two men lighting their cigars together, evidently joking about their recent passage at arms in the House. One member was seen to clap another on the back and say : " Well, old man, I hope you'll be in the House toaighb for I'm going 'to make it very warm for you." Tbe other laughingly promised not to shirk his punishment. Some ( of the members who cannot forget policies out of the House cause much amusement to their confreres.'

This fraternisation of political opponents I Tcminde one of Mark Twain'e yarn of the I rival way-back editors, who, after swearing j dire vengeance on each other through the columns of their primitive ' bustere,' and whose ieud aroused intense excitement over the countryside, met at laet in a convenient ' saloon ' and amicably drank success to their booming circulation, whilst the on-, lookers gazed with bated breath to gee them 1 ehoob. There was a comical trait about tbe old-time Maori warrior which the surprise expressed in this unsophisticated lady correspondent's letter reminds me of. The ancient Maori loved fighting for fighting's sake, and he has been known in tho days when guns. came into fashion, to send one-half of his ammunition to his powderlesa enemy in order that they could both go on fighting. More I than pne instance is recounted of old fights 1 between rival villages and tribes, in which, after the day's battle was over, tbe opposing warriors would mingle with each other in the cool of the evening and compare notes as to the killed and wounded. One would crack jokes about the way in which he made the other man's old uncle skip about that day, and the other would retort with an airy remark to tho effect thab he bad cleverly snipped off the aforesaid speaker's brother's left ear with a well - aimed bullet. Then next day they would go out shooting again, and when a few more had been killed they would think about getting angry in earnest. The festive Samoan warriors had the same amiable trait of mingling in friendly intercourse during ' half-time' in wur days, and holding pleasant conversaziones on military topics. Some of our glib-tongued warriors in Parliament are of similar kidney, and in spite of the much-condemned systorn of ' Party ' Government they get on with each other very well considering all things. I suspect, however, that they love righting nob for the old Maori's reason, for fighting's sake, but for another very solid consideration—two hundred and forty golden sovereigns a year.

The Premier's brochure giving an accounb of hie picnics amongst the cannibal Maoris of Roborua and the blood-thirsty aboriginals of Orakei Bay, and other equally wild adventures, seems to be creating some amused interest at the seat of Government;. Some jokers suggest that in years to come the honourable Mr Seddon will be handed down to iame as one of the pioneer explorers who drove through Ohinomutu in a buggy in the year of grace 1894 at the risk of hie life, surrounded by yelling savages who wanted to eat him. One anecdote which Mr Seddon tells, however, is worth preserving. It wag an incident highly characteristic of the Maori, which occurred at Rofcorua at the opening of the railway there last year. A number of Rotorua natives petitioned the Premier to set aside for tbeir use a reserve of five thousand acre 3of land. Their hearts were bent on it, and the Premier granted it. Bub the descendants of Hinemoa claimed a further boon. They were very anxious that the land reserved for them should contain a few puias or hot springe. This the obliging Premier also grantod ; indeed, it is a herd job to find five thousand acres of land there without any puias on it. Mr Seddon was anxious, however, to know why the puias were wanted so badly. Was it for the purpose of bleeding the pakeha tourist, or were they getting civilised, and going to start a sanatorium? Nothing of fcho kind. The chief explained that they wore anxious to have a few puias on the land because it saved such a lob of trouble in cooking. The sequel was, I hope, that the natives gob both the land and the hot springs and were happy ever afterwards. A Maori has a good fund of sound common sense, and he is nob likely to fool around lighting fires and hauling firewood when he can get the forces of nature to cook his food gratuitously. How many busy housewives plying ' their evening carea ' would sigh for an inexpensive and energetic young geyser sputtering along in the backyard. It would be a boon to the cooking eer!

The present activiby in mining speculation ia bhe means of human nature being seen in many phases. In this connection a rather good story reaches 'Zamiel.' A lady waited upon a local eharebroker a few days ago, and asked to be recommended a sbock that would result in a quick turnover. •Well, for a real good gamble,' said bhe man of mining, 'I would recommend ' (naming the mine). The lady held up her hand in holy hor.ror at anything in the shape of gambling;. the use of the word waa enough for her, and she added c that she did nob gamble ; she had never seen a horse race.' The eharebroker saw his chance. Ab bhis time he had a company on hand thai; he was floating, so he gravely informed the lady bhab if she wanted a genuine investment, and nob gambling stock, to take up a share or portion in such and such a company. This, he impressed on her, was a genuine form of investment, because the property would be prospected, and it would be seen how much gold was in thab particular area of ground. My informanb says bhe bait took. The lady ab once pub herself down for a share in bhe proposed new company, and trarched oub of the sharebroker'a office quite content thab she had not been gambling.

I notice that the Women's Political League responded gallantly to the summons of its President, Mrs Daldy, and resolved • That all persons who have been twice convicted in the Magistrate's Courb should be disfranchised for three years. . This wonderful resolution is to bo forwarded to every woman's league throughout the colony, and as the ladies now have the whip hand, the men-folk had better look oub. In order that unsuspecting citizens may not be taken unawares by thie artfullyworded resolution, I will enumerate a few of the offences for which, under the Police Offences Act, 1884, they may be convicted ab the Magistrate's Courb,, and thus incur, not only the pains and penalties imposed by the Magistrate, but also suffer disfranchisement under the stern edict of the Women's Political League. Beware, then! oh, frail man, of wheeling the baby's carriage on the footpath, or allowing your worldly goods to ; encroach thereupon, or of lighting a fire to boil the family washing outside, without a special permit, or of leaving your back-yard uncleaned, or of drowning the family cab in the harbour, or of leaving hie dishonoured corpee in any public place. Roll no cask, beab no carpets, fly no kite, use no bow, arrow, catapult or shanghai in any public place, or surely evil will befall thee. The blowing of horns, the beating of drums— yea, verily, the miechievous knocking ab

thy neighbour's door, may cost fchee thy precious vote. A ban is eeb henceforth on the innocent squib, and a atone cast at random may knock a hole clean through your electoral qualification. But why need I go further, life is full of pitfalls, and we spend our days in sorrow.

Theetern decreeof tho Political Leaguers, however, is nob without disinterested sympathisers, though it does nob go far enough for some of them. Here is a letter I have received from ' Lancelob Lofty ':—"Dear Zamiel, —I am afraid thab you will discourage all of our women workers if you treat their propositions in such an uugallanb manner ns you did those of dear Mrs Daldy. Why nhould she not try to rectify a wrong which she sees existing? and nothing less than a wholesale purging of the electoral rolle can correcb the errors now clearly set forth by her. She does bub show what a true patriot she is. Rut I I must point out one mistake she has made, that is, thab in the list of those to be erased ] she has omitted one very largo class, that is the " old soldiers and volunteers," who are now petitioning Government for aid. Surely, those are among the -assisted, or charity people, for many of them are owing all of what they might get beforehand. That would hurt no one either, because they are poor and friendless, and belong only to the common people. Only imagine, dear Zamiel; when we want to go to poll how dreadful it is to have to meet our washerwoman or butcher-boy and know they have an equaliby with ourselves. I for one, shudder to think of it, and I hope the Ladies' Political League will draw the attention of Parliament to this trouble and urge the members to redress it. You know afterthe mistake the people made ab last election in not putting in a man who would have striven fcfdrawa distinct line between the suitable or otherwise, I think things want to be put on a true footing. Give Mrs Daldly a few words of encouragement and she will do a work for which all New Zealand will rise up and call her blessed. With many thanks for allowing me to trespass on your space,—l remain, dea r Zamiel, yours sincerely, Lancelot Lofty.'

On the other hand, some of my corre - spondenbs are not so appreciative. A lady writes to me from Avondale as follows :— ' Aged and infirm persons, many through sickness, have been compelled to seek a home in their declining years. It eeeme to me very cruel for them to be dead to the affairs of the colony. Many of them, no doubb, have stood beside tho late John Bright and other great reformers and foughb for the rights of the people. Many others have defended tho colony in tho early days. And last bub nob least, some wero pioneer settlers who are now broken down in health. It seems to me a folly to think that those citizens have not commonsense enough left to vote by ballot. Sir, as bho great teacher of Christianity said, " The poor you have always with you," I hope thoao old people will be allowed a say to the la*fc. If this liberty is taken from them, the next cry will be " Brand the poor or wnll them in," and at the end of life, as in Hood's poem, •'Rattle his bones over the stones," etc. The poorhouse is a place where no one can thrive; it is a tombstone of the grave—a grave for people alivo.'