TABLE TALK.

Auckland Star, Volume XXV, Issue 248, 17 October 1894, Page 1

TABLE TALK.

Warm and bright. Price of gas reducodi Farmers' crops thirsty. Anglican Synod sitting. Bain wanted in the country. The Synod will not enfranchise churct. woman. Steamer Matabua is now due here from London. The Midland Railways Bill has beeo thrown oub. Belgian Socialists hare won 19 Parliamentary seats. Discnsßion on. female franchise at the Diocesan Synod. Mies Bessie Doyle's concerb in the City Hall this evening. Some people practice humility in order to get the under hold. Serious trouble is feared in the event of the Ameer of Afghanistan's death. People are usually willing to do their duty, bub they do not like to do too much Of it. People seldom improve when they have no other model than themselves to copy after. "In the average woman justice does nob exist."—Rev. \V. Beatty at the Diocesan Synod. "A masculina woman is the mosfa aboaimable being on the face of the earth." —Rev. Lush at the Diocesan Synod. The Te Awamufcu Amateur Athletic Club has been affiliated with the New Zealand Amateur Athletic Association. " What did you do with the cheque your father-in-law gave you for a wedding present ?" " Had ib framed ; no one would cash ib ?" The lay members cf the Anglican Synod predominated over the elersy lasb night in the voting for the ecclesiastical enfranchisement of women. A man, Thomas Western, aged 70, fell dead at Masfcerton last evening while chopping'wood. He is supposed to have relations in Westport. "f he Church wants money and we rausb have monoy. The labourer is worthy of his hire."—Rev. Mr Hawkes ab the Anglican Diocesan Synod. How She Did It.. — Firsb Soubrette : Well, I got my salary raised. Second Soubrette : How did, you do it? First! Soubrette : Kicked for it. He—Ab, I knew I had had the pleasure of meeting you before; your name is Smith, I believe? .She (sweetly)— Well, it: used to be Smith, two or three husbands ago. .->'■■ " I am surprised, John," said an old lady when she found the butler helping himself to some old port. "Faith, so am I, ma'am. I thoughb you had gone out," was the reply.. : . ■.. /.. .■ i ... - .■■.■.■■.■' ■• ; ■ . * The Bishop remarked ab the Anglican Synod that the first apostle was a woman, whereupon an inquisitive Synodcraan wanted to know if Eis Lorsbip meant Mary Magdalene. , In a New York "Sky-Scraper"—Law Clerk—We are going to move down to the twenty-first floor next month. Insurance Clerk—Don't you think ib is rather damp down there ? ,-..-. Jimmy—Whab is this moral courage tbafe the Sunday-school teacher was telling us about ">. Tommy—As near as I can guess its the kind ot courage that kids has that's afraid to fight., , , .-'■'■■• : .< Isaacs—Veil, \ hear.(Sqldberg.failed. He, made at big fight before ha yanb under. Cohen—Yes. , Fflrdree irionts he adferbised far a bartner mifc gapital to share der bratibt of der busineseiv < ■■• .*,:;■. .■:■':■'),. •/■■ . . ■.■ \ Joax-^You know Ragley fell off a car yesterday and broke his. jaw? His face is? all bound up. I wenb to see him bo-day. Hoax—How was he ? Joax—His wife said he couldn't complain. , A funeral service took place to-day ab All Saints' Church, Ponsonby.. in connection with the death of Miss J. Johnston, second daughter of the late Mr Robb. Jonhsbon,;; and a teacher in the school. : Judge— How do you account for the fact that the man's watch was found in your pocket? t Prisoner-r-Y our Honor, life is full 'of inexplicable mysteries, and 1 trust Your Honor will so instruct the jury. Bearded Lady: The manager"ie in creat trouble just now. Snake Charmer ■:' Whafc is the matter ? Bearded Lady: Ho has proposed to the two-headed girl. One of her accepted him and one rejected him. Breaking ib eently — Quarryman : 'Shure, an' it's sad news I've gob to tell ye, Missis Murphy. Your husband ha? broken bis new watch.' Mrs Murphy; 1 How did he do it V Quarryman :' A boa« ton rock fell on him.' Btown : ' Say, I'll give you a sure thing on the third race to-morrow. Play Mudsticker to win.' Green : 'Thanks. Bub why don't you play ib yourself V Brown .- ' I can't. I've already lost all the money I can spare this month.' The Governor, Lady Glasgow, and Lady Augusta Boyle leave Wellington for Christchurch about the beginning of the month, for the purpose, of being present at the races and agricultural show. The party will be absent a fortnight. * 'Why did you never marry, Tom?' 4 Well, you tee, old man, when I was quite young I resolved that I would never marry miMI I found an ideal woman. After many years I did rind her—' • Well, then V She was looking for an ideal man.' "Are you badly hurt, Mrs Getalong?" inquired an anxious neighbour, sitting" down by the side of the bed. "I don't: know how badly I'm hurt," said the victim of the railroad accident feebly, " until I've seen my lawyer."—"Chicago Tribune." Little Dot—Some folks don't know so much .as they think they do, do they? Uncle George—Why so? Little Dot—Profesßor Linguist, who speaks sixteen languftges, was here last evening, and be had to gab me to tell him whab the baby was . saying. Bolton—Grumley is a queer genius— always trying to outdo somebody. Trues* dell—Yob; he is riding a bicycle now. Bolton—He is? Well, I'll say this for Grumley, he'll never be satisfied with ones hump; if he can'b be a dromedary ho'il quit the game. Old Mr Soakley (to bis wife).—" Jusb think, dear ; a camel can work eight whole days withoub drinking." Mrs Soakley (with a withering look).—"That's nothing. I know an animal who will drink for eighb dayß withoub doing a bit of work." Mr Soakley sighs resignedly. He—Your husband is abroad, I am told ? She (stockbroker's wife)— Yes ; he'a travelling in South America. He—Oh. indeed ! And do you expect him home shortly? She—Well, I can't exactly tell. You see, these extradition arrangements take up such a lot of time. Her manager—English nobleman (after two hours' acquaintance)—l weally assuah you, Miss Billions, that I 'avo learned to love you ! Ton my soul, I American heiress (interrupting and pointing to her father in the next room)—l'ardon. me, but that is my business manager. The " Herald" this "morning uiake3 Canon Nelson pay ab the Diocesan Synod, while on the Women's Franchise question: " More than one parish at their parish meetings had voted in favour of this movement, and women were pressed and did nob dissent.' Canon Nelson denies having made any euch statement. His remark was that •• women were, present and did nafc