TABLE TALK.

Auckland Star, Volume XXV, Issue 222, 17 September 1894, Page 1

TABLE TALK.

Bkakd sentenced.

Six months' imprisonment). "Bulbo" to-nighb. , Rival steamers in port. . New bill at tho Opera House. ■'.>■■■■■:* H.M.s. Ringarooma floated off. People's popular concert to-night. Tawhiao's funeral ab Taupiri to-day. The Auckland Institute meets this' even* ing. Rotomahana and Tasmania for Sydney to-day. " N . North Shore footballers defeated ab Tauranga. New South Wales footballers beat Mew Zealand. The Westport coal export last week was 3,523 tonp. The Hon. Dr. Pollen has arrived here from Wellington. Star (Taranaki) footballers defeated Parnell on Saturday. A large number of Aucklanders leave this week for Coolgardie. The sum of £2,682 waß passed through the totalisator ab Ellerslie on Saturday. The Union Steamship Company's steamer" Upolu is to run from Sydney to Tonga and Samoa. A slight chock of earthquake was experienced in Wellington at 12.40 on Sunday afternoon. In several Auckland pulpits yesterday ; unfavourable comment was made on the proposal to run Sunday tramcars in the > city. , it "Mark how plain a bale shall pub you< down," eaid tho cow to the milkmaid, as • she switched her oft' the milk stool into the ; mod.' : . ... •., ■.•... .' . * ; _ A polo team from the Columbia skating, rink journeyed to Onchunga on Saturday,; and succeeded in defeating the local team. by 4 goalstoS. '■■■■■>.. ■ ,\ ' St. John's Wesleyan Snnday • school anniversary services take place on Sunday next, September 23rd. The public meeting comes off on September 25th. Wife of his bosom.—" Whab a touching description of conjugal felicity you gave in that last novel of yours, George dear! I wonder where on earth you gob it from V' One of the alleged original phonographrecords, to be hoard ab Id a time in Melbourne, makes Gladstone speak ■of the Queen as "hower wise and benen'cienfe sovering." ' « Ngauruhoe volcano, Mount Tongariro, . was in a great state of activity lately, , belching out emoke in the daytime and flame by night. The mountain is snowcovered to the base. Mr, Lyttelbon—" Well, it takes two to ■ , make a quarrel, so I'll shut up.'1 Mrs Lyttelton— -*'■ Jusb like you; you mean, miserable man ! You'll jusb sib there and think ugly things 1" . < A '«ian has been sentenced for: trying to bres.k into the gaol at Geelong. Slen : break into gaols now in preference to banks in Victoria. They meet the bankers all tie same.—Sydney paper. • The annual volley-firing, to have been held ab the Mounb Eden Bide Range on Saturday afternoon by the Pousonby Naval Artillery Volunteers, had to be postponed owing to the web weather', ■ : Miss Blanche—"What a successful Arctic explorer you '. would mako, Mr Remayne." Mr Renjayne--" IVhy so. Miss Blanche ?" Blanche—" Because there the.nighbis-six months Uong.";^;'—------""An 615 bficlc* building in Worcestor {Mass*, U.S.), collapsed on the affcerriootf '<ot>~ August 21st, burying a dozen children apd three men. Four children have been taken oab of the ruins badly injured. An American widow, Mrs Leon McLsod Baldwin, aftor seven years' waiting, has recovered from the Mexican Government $20,600 as indemnity for the assassination of her husband by brigaude, at the Valencia mines. • • • ' The working expemes of the Victorian railways, in 1890, were'£9ls per mile for the year. Since then the cosb has been reduced steadily till ib stands a* £545 per mile. Yet the railway deficit keeps on just about the same. The newly married one.—•• I never saw such trouble as I have with my servants, they are so stupid." The experienced one. .—"Don't talk to me. The other day I • senb Patrick out for two egg plants and he brought back two hens." ' Excited lady on the beach—" Why isn't something done for that ship in distress 2 Why don't come of you—" Coastguard (hurriedly)—" We have sent the crew a line to come ashore, mum." Lady—"Good gracious! Were they*waiting for a formal invitation ?" ■ 11 Yea, ib may be angel cake," Baid Jdnes, who had been persuaded by his boat girl to test her culinary abilities, " bub for thalasb two nights sinco I tasted ib I've eeen more little devils, hobgoblins, snakes, wild cats and spooks than would crowd a seven-storey pandemonium." it Smart nephew (of the city).—" When you go to your hotel, Uncle Heighcede, be sure nob to blow out the gas." ■ Uncle Heighcede (who knows a thing or two). — " Well, I guess not. Whab did I bring A candle snuffer all the way frow Prairie Town fur, anyhow?" A Washington physician was discussing his enemies in a judge's office. Among other things, he Baid:—"l know, Judge, my patients never slander me nor. criticise my knowledge and: treatment)." "No," replied the Judge, with a s|y twinkle of the eyes, " dead m6n tell no ta|es." The Rev. Hohaia Ngahiwi, of Hnkanni, Waikato, died on Thursday last. He was . an old and respocted native chief, and was always a consistent friend of the Europeans. He gave valuable information to tho Governor in 1863, when the Waikato war broke out. He ie to be buried ab Taupiri. Police protection in Now Zealand costs 2a 7£d par head of population ; in Victoria, Is s|d ; S. Australia, 4aloid ; N.S. Walee, 5s 2|d; Queensland, 7a. This colony with one policeman to every 1,472 people has the smallest) force proportionately, and Queensland, with one to 575, has the largest "To make titles really valuable to Australian politicians they should carry pensions of £500 or £1,000 a year 'as conapansa. tion for losb votes and forfeited influence. Even the paltry C.M.G. bring* disaster with it, for two ot the three S.A. civil ~■-. servants who have received ib lost public/" ■" positions worth more than £1,000 a_ year immediately after the tickets were pinnod on their coate."—Sydney paper. There was no execution in S.A. proper between November, '83, and the hanging of Brown on August 24th laßb. Since the province was established in 1836, there have been 40hanginesand64 commutationsof the death-sentence, bub in the early days, the records show, ib was a capital offence to steal email sums. One man was condemned to be hanged "■ for stealing £5 and other articles from a tent," in 1840; anothei 11 for entering a houee and stealing a pistol

and other artioleß."