RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XXV, Issue 149, 23 June 1894, Page 10

RANDOM SHOTS

BY "ZAMIEL"

Come write, ft neighbour a namo to lash Some write—vain thought! tor needful cash, Sonny wiita to pleaaa the conn.ry efosh. And raise & din. »o, aa aim I never iash - I write for fun.

It ia » rather remarkable coincidence) that the crusade against the liquor traffic In the South, tarried oat m the shape of a aweeping redaction in the number of hotel license? granted, has been accompanied by a Caatom-bcwe. «*d Police r*id oa aUoili diabflleriea, A. few days ago we learned from Wellington that the authorities there had nneftFtb.64 aft Day's Bay, in dose prqxtmiby to tha city, a moat complete plant for distillation, and estimated to fee capable of turaine out fifty gallons of whisky per day. Recent tracks showed that a quantity had bee» carted away only a few hours pro* vionri?. Mara recently, news came of the discovery five mites oat of Beofton of an illicit still, ab which the authorities found six hundred gallon* of liquor in process of fermentation, and turned the whole lot into a creek. How the mouths of hardened topers must have watered {for wbi%ky) oa reading qf thia shocking waste of liquor. I was going to uae the ekock expression ' good liquor,' bub the telegram is silent on thia point, and I refrain. Wbiaky derived from illicit stills has not a world-wide reputation for age and mellowness, bub Ua potency ia undoubted, and ib is understood to be a marketable commodity in many country aad native districts. The authorities have inside of a week seized the plant of two illjeitj stills capable Qf turning oufe between them one, hundred gallons of liquor per day. How many more of these distilleries there may be located throughout; tha colony ib is difficult to conjecture, but I should imagine the business ia a pretty extensive one, and bow that the authorities are fairly on the warpath we shall prnbahly hear of some further discoveries. Brewers and publicans and wine and spirit merchants who do business ab an enormous expense, and who are compelled by law to sell good liquor and to pay heavily far tha privilege, with the ever present, possibility of having their means of livelihood swept away by a prohibition wave, should be protected from competition in the. shape of unlicensed and illegal distilleries, and, above all, the public should be protected from having raw bush whisky thrust down their unsuspecting throats, all oblivious of (he source from whence ib sprung.

Education ia a grand thing, and when the. present system was brought into force we were told that the result would be to plage "the' youth of New Zealand to the frou* of the world. It ia gratifying to note how th,© prophecy has been fulfilled. This week at the Harbour Board a bay was wanted to assist the storekeeper on the wharf, the salary being 10s a week. Over forty applications were received, the ages ranging from sixty down to fifteen. The Committee of the Board chose ten youths who all of them bad passed the fifth standard, and most the sixth. When the ten appeared before the Board for final selection they looked so intelligent and wrote so well, that the paternal inatincb in the ever-ready Mr Witbeford caused hia bosom to swell with pride, and he exclaimed, * They are a credit both to Auckland and to their progenitors.' This commendation will no doubb be gratifying, bat the point that affected me most, was to think thab ten such intelligent; youths whose agea ranged from 15 to 19 years, should, after having comploted their education, be ready to compete for a paltry 10s per week, in a position where neither a trade nor profession was to be learned. I could not help wondering whether after all our education system was returning sufficient/ benefits for tho outlay involved.

Mr Northcroffc, the local Stipendiary Magistrate, is quite a moralist, and in administering justice at) the criminal and debts courts, he seldom lets an opportunity pass of inculcating sound doctrines with regard to the practical duties of life. One day during the present week, an application "c^ * judgment summons was being made and the debtor pub forward all sorts of excuses thab be was unable to pay, although he expressed himself to the Magistrate bhab he, wag quite willing if he could only manage ib. 'Do you smoke ?' fiaid Mr Efprbhcrqfb to tha debtor. He replied in the affirmative. ' Now my gopd man,' added the. Magistrate, 'if you ■ can'b pay your way, leave off you* tobacco. Of course ib is very hard, bub it v she only way to give something. toward* the payment of the debt.' Mr NorbhcrQfb wenb on to say that there was too much credit in this country, and thab the Hick' system waa our ruin. Under existing oircumatances, people bought a thing n.ptj because they wanted it, bub because they thought they would like it, and then gob ft without paying caßh. * Zamiel' thinks the Magistrate's remarks are full of tn*th.

' Cheek,' as most people are aware, is an attribute by which many men who are thoroughly incompetent for their positions manage b.o hoodwink those who control the filling of their situations. There is no doubt that although it is better to be born with fl good share of the article this is not altogether essential, as the quality is one which by-careful cultivation can be brought to the highest state of perfection. Although na books hava been written on the subject, ib is one which will wall repay study, as no man can in the present state of affairs hope to succeed without whab ia perhaps the primary element of succeee. It is one of the chief blunders in our presenb public school syllabus that the teaching of this quality ia left to thopupil'aown management. I, < Zamiel,' deserve greab sympathy on account of my lack of * cheek/ which has no doubt seriously retarded my progress in this world, and my'advice to all those starting in life is ' make the perfecting of this quality your highest aim,' because when you sneoeed all other things will coir a to you simply by the exercise of it. Although not possessing * cheek ' personally, being ' Zamiel,' I have had numberless opportunities of studying the aubieeb in all ibs phases, bub never to. this day has it fallen to ray lot to bear of a case equal to the following :—

'Who is the riches!) man in Melbourne?' ia a question (says the Melbourne • Argus') which the Postmaster - General and the Deputy Postmaster-General are now asking themselves. The postal authorities always make an effort to delirer letters entrusted to them, however inadequately or incorrectly addressed, and as a letter has arrived from Germany addressed to the 'Richest ft^arj in Melbourne,' they are anxious bo ascertain his The G'eneralopsriedtheletter.nobframanyouriosiby, but to see if it contained any information tha> might facilitate ita delivery, Be was nonplussed feo find tb written in German. The aorvicea of the departmental inter-

psreter having been requisitioned, ha translated the ma.n,usicripb as follows: —'Sir, — Excuse me aa a perfect stranger, in addressing a petition to you. Ab JEaater I quali|ed for admission to the University. In order to lessen the expenses to my parents, Jt appjy to you to lend mo a sum of money, amount at you,r option, though Et should serve xao for six yeara. If possibly I cquld not repay the loan, then it would be treated aa if it/_ hud been made a present to me, which as the richest man in Melbourne could not affect you much. Kindly address to care of Mr W. Grobe, in Tilfurt, Weimer, Germany, with the instruction to keep the letter for me. If neither you nor any of your friends are prepared to grant my request, I would need tQ apply to kinder and richer people in other directions.—H. H. The writer's motto ia evidently * Ask and ye ohall rereceive.' The Postmaster-General will be happy to hand the letter over to tha richesb man in Melbourne if be calls at tlio Fast Office.'

Now, this man almost), though nob quite, cotnes up ta my ideal of the perfecb man. Where ha fails is in the phrase, ' Amount ac your option.' How could auch a perfect specimen of humanity who has cultivated the art) to its highest point of perfection, make such a mistake aa that 1 Why, ib is almost inconceivable. To act up to the true ideal of the character, such a phraae should never have been inserted. At the very least he ought to have demanded £10,000; but such is life, we all have our little weaknesses, and wo must overlook the one in this man ; but what a bitter disappointment it is when, after years of waiting, we have at last met with whab we conceive to be our idol, only to find it is marred by a weakness which it is bard fio overlook, and co we are left to wander on in this weary world with our minds hungering after what we cannot find. Such were the reflections which flooded ray mind when I picked out the weak point in the man who I waa nearly setting up on a pedestal a» the ' god of cheek.'

The possibilities of the naea to which our much-vaunted Calliope Dock may be put, are infinite- Another of the manifested possible uses of our big and costly swimming-bath 1 at the North Shore was instanced at the last meeting of the Auckland Harbour Board. Some trusting persona wrote to the Board applying for the use of the dock for the purpose ot caging therein, for purposes of exhibition, nothing more nor loss than a whale. The point of the joke ir. the application was that the wbala had neb yet been caught, ib being intended to aecure one of those big seaanimals in the vicinity of tho whaling station at Whangamumu, en the Northern Coaab. The Board didn't sco the force of giving the dock far the exhibition of a creature still ab large somewhere in the South Pacific Ocean, and they accordingly agreed to deter the application until the, whale bad been caught;. I don't know whether thab whale is to be docked alive for show purposes, or whether it is to be butchered, to make an Auckland holiday. If alive, then how do those gallant whalers propose to navigate that whale down the coast to Auckland ? Will they go up and put some salt on its tail and then tow it down to Auckland behind the fast and furious Clansman, or do they intend to rival the immortal Captain William Jackson Barry, by jumping -on its back and guiding it down to Auckland through stormy seas and wintry winds? That whale must surely be a very complaisant creature, and would be well worth exhibiting, and the bold whaling men who' chance to get him to Auckland Harbour should be exhibited as well, as a sort of side show. Surely the case proves the usefulness of our great Graving Dock. Why, indeed, sell ib to the British Admiralty when we ourselves may turn an honest penny by letting ib oub aa a sorb of monster aquarium wherein to exhibit wnaleß, eardines, and other wondera ot the deep.

Tboso who watch the proceedings of our public bodies closely mnsb come to the conclusion that a deal of personal feeling and division exists among the members— hide ib though we may. From what I'm told the exchange of personalities which occurs ftb pome of the meetings has now spread to the Board of Education—whore we should least find it —and at this week's meoting there was quite a number of passages of ' arms' among the members. If all is true ib was a cane of who could hib the hardest. No doubt this undesirable stab© pf affairs is in a measure due to the want of spending power ab present posaeeaad by the Board. Nob very long nince, ib was quite tha custom for the mem-' bera to vote money for nearly everything Com mittees asked for, and bo build nob-required schools and teachers' residences in sparsely populated districts, The Board now have little money to spend, and the members with their hands tied in this respect appear to geb bad tempered. Ib was stated by one member at this week's meeting that many of tho applications of the past for buildings were nob dealt with on their merits, bub as he termed it, were due to ' skirb pulling.' A small matter thai Messrs Luke and Muir and the Rev. J. Babea gob to loggerheads over was a communication from the Wairoa South School Committee which staked 'That tho settlers particularly noted the facb that the minority voting on the occasion of the Finance Committee's recommondabiona were .' "tillers of the soil."' Mr i.-lio was highly indignant ab bhis statement in the resolution. He stoutly claimed that he was a tiller of the soil, and did not like untruths, bub Mr Muir sneeringly replied that he would like to see Mr Luke at work. The Rev. J. Bates thought that he had done more farming than any other member on the Board, and pointed/out thab he had been 40" years in the colony, and knew something of its ups and downs. Mr Muir, not to be pub dpwn, then wanted to know why the reverend gentleman had thrown farming aside for something easier. Ab another perjod of the afternoon a warm discussion took place between Messrs Woodward, Muir and Udy on the question of finance, brought up bbrough a sensible notice of motion by the first-named gentleman that no work bo undertaken by the Board till they had the money in hand to pay the contractors. Some very hard words were said. Mr Muir posed as a 'financial reformer ' and went ho far as to say ' bhab he was well aware a new broom swept clean, bub he had no desire bo characterise Mr Woodward, the mover, as a " new broom.'"' Then Mr Udy stated how much he and his predecessors had saved, and hinted thab ib was due to three new members elected that the Board now had no credit balance. Mr Udy did nofc state that Mr Muir waa one of the three members, bub tho financial reformer took it unto himself that the shot was aimed at him, and he then burst) out into a tirade of indignation ab money being kopb which the Government had given thorn to spend year by year.

Ona thing is certain, that the Board will have to face gome severe criticism from the School Committees as a resitlb of their allround reductions. Already, some of the Committees have forwarded their opinions as to the probable resulb of these changes in their financial administration. However, it would be jjuat as well for Committeeß before throwing mad ab the Board to look around and see if they are in any way to be blamed for the- presenb low state ef the finances of the local rulers of our education system, and ask themselves whether the majority of the Commibteos have nob received their share of fcbo spoil, growl as they may. Mr Udy made

a happy retort upon the charges of squandering made by three town Committees, when he said the complaining Committees had been , voted sums under £200 in three years on general work. This amount, it appears, was given in addition to the ordinary school fund and.stationery allowances. It appears the Wairoa South Committee ia already on the :stool of repentance, for they have intimated to the Board that they are willing to do with half of the stationery grant formerly allowed. Probably this self-sacrifice of our country cousins will be followed by tho town Committees.

' Language' by telephone is one of the developments of this advanced age of electricity thab is a boon to the citizens who would be too discreet to rate each other in the street, bub who jump to the telephone as a> safe and convenient vent for their feelings. Ib is certainly safer to tell a bigger man than yourself to go to the deuce, or anywhere else, through the telephone than to use the same language to his face, and as for calling a man a liar, why, the telephone is invaluable. The latesb instance of telephone ' language ' formed the subject matter of a solemn inquiry ab the Hospital this week. The house surgeon accused another Board official ot using objectionable language towards him (the mcd.), to wib, by saying through the telephone the words ' Don't be impertinent.' The accused pleaded not guilty, stating in extenuation of his offence that the doctor had said to him, also per telephone, 'oh, that's all rot.' Ab the result of the inquiry the jury—l mean tho Committee—brought in a sorb of verdict of ' sarve 'em both right,' or words to that efleet. Tho whole thing seems on tho face of it a tremendous farce. The nature of the language complained of was so harmless that the inquiry seoma to me to have been a totally unnecessary proceeding. If official inquiries were to be held over every case of a ' little breeze' through the telephone, and every man who said ' damn,' or words to that effect, by the medium of the wire, was to be hauled before some Board or other, life would be insufferable. Such trifles occur everyday and no one thinks any more about them—excepting, of courae, the medical staff of the Hospital. But doctors are proverbially ' touchy' creaburee.