RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XXV, Issue 66, 17 March 1894, Page 10 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS

BY* mZAi/BX&

Borne write, a neighbour a name to lash Come write—vain thought! for needful cash, Borne write to please the country clash, ' And raise a din, Donne, an aim I never fash— I write for iurn

Some people have queer ideas as to their dnfcy in respect of the payment of their jusb debts. They obbain goods or the services of Other persons on credit), which is a favou r to begin with oa tbe part of the seller, they Bxpecb almost unlimited trnet, and, when the unfortunate creditor, becoming desperate at the debtor's long-windeduess asks for a settlement, or & email earn 'on account ' to enable him to meet) a bill thab has fallen due and rnusb be provided for, he is perhaps grossly insulted, or refused the custom of the irabo debtor in future trans' actions. Surely a man is entitled to ask for that which belongs to him without being treated as if be were a pauper or a beggar. Seme of the greatest offenders in thia respect, I grieve to say, are amougsb those who are reputed to bo the most well-to-do citizons, who, in many instances, probably from wanb of thought, treat their tradeamen most unfairly. One little account long overdue may not make much difference to the retailer, bub many long-winded customers are calculated to briny his grey hairs with sorrow to tho grave.

Here is a specimen of what trustful tradesmen have to suffer at tho handa of those who have obtained goods on credit, and fancy they will be doing a favour by settling up. Tho Ofcago 'Times 1 of recent date says:—' At the Resident Magistrate's Courb yesterday the following amusing letter from a defendant, who did nob appear, to a plaintiff was read by the latter's solicitor : " 1 am sorry that you have adopted so extreme a tone with me regarding the settlomenb of my account). I always intended to pay you as soon as I possibly could do so with convenience to inyuelf. lam struggling hard to Hvo and pay my way. I assure you now, as I assured yon before, that I will pay your account as soon as I can do so with reasonable convenience to myself. Bub the indecent haste with which yon threaten to hand over the accounb to your solicitor for collection prompts me to send you this answer. I don'b caro a fig for yon or your solicitor, or all the solicitors in the world ! Hand over tho account), and wolcome. You've chargod me an exorbitant price, bocause you gave me credit, and I hope the solicitor will take ib oub of you so as to square things a bib. If you, or he, or any other man in tho world can compel me to pay when 1 nave no money you will emulate the doeds of a celebrated Biblical hero j for you will perform a miracle. Bid 6 your timo, man, and you'll get your manev right enough, but if you rush me I'll keep you waiting all the longer, and all the law in tha world will nob draw money from tae. For why? I haven'b any. As soon as I got it I pay it away; and the more yofl or your solicitors worry me for ib tho lodger will it bo before your turn for payment cornoH round. Be wise in your generation, and leave me to settle up when I «cc fit. Yours very sympathetically." '

The Maori bogey, ydepb the 'Nabive Question,' is ever and anon kept pretty steadily before tho eyes of New Zealand. Lately wo have had tbo Kerei Kaihau farce, and now tho Premier has boon holding big Ma&ri ioreros all over the country, in compaiiy with the jocund ' Timi Kara,' and has been giving the intelligent aboriginal much good advice on things in general. All cf this Uas supplied readers of tl.-o newspapers with abundant speeches of welcome and so forth, ai)d tUe general impression conveyed to outsiders who know nothing of the colony, tin reading the columns of j Native Difficulty ' matter would be, I am inclinod to think, thab the country had just recoverod from a big war and thab the Governtnunb were going about making peace with the Maoris I As for the Honourable Eicbard Sedibn, he has won for himself quite a reputation as a great orator, a bluff l}omO3thenes in faob, amongsb tho Maoris of the King Country. He was, I hear, addressed as a ' big- whale from the sea' at ono native settlement in the interior. This figurative form of salutation would probably fit the burly Premier better than anything else thab could have boen pitched on by the Maori spokesman- Probably the native epeakor considered thab bo had jusb hit on tho ritfht appollation by which, with poetic liconse, to wolcomo the stalwarb Minister when he likened him to a big fish from the deep. 'Son of Heaven,' 'Most Majostic Rulor,' and so on, would be as nothing in Maori mindn compared with the compliment conveyed in • big whale from bhe eea !'

Mr Sec! Jon h/isa cool way of dealing with troubloeome members of the nativo race that ia positively refreshing. Wo lave long been accustomed to the ' flour ami sarrar' policy of Native Mintetera, whon every Maori celebrity for the tionco, from Te Koori upwards, was run after in hot haste, made much of, effusively greeted and pampered by tho Governtnotit) in a multitude of ways'. No wonder the noblo Maori folt himself a follow of consequence. Bub Mr Seddan doesn'b believe in the policy of bowir.g low before King Tawhiao and abasing himself to Kerei Kaihau nnd the gentlomeriof that ilk. Ho treats them as ho Would any otliar individual nn'ive chief, in fact, ns far as tho redoubtaMo ' Kerry Kahoo' was concerned, ho punt blank refused to bake any notice of him. By the way, the Honourable Richard spoke his tn'uvA jtrotty freely tho other day in the Wuikato when talking to the natives over tho little scrimmage between the police and Eerei Kaihau's people ab Mercer. Thus thundered the Premier : — ' You have thfe name cf being a noblo race. Are you degenerating, that you have to put your wahir.os in fronb and yourselves skulk in the whares? The record of imprisonment is worse than tho taint of slave blood. Do not disgrace yourselves indirectly by forcing your wives, or daughters or sisters to do what you dare nob do yourselves.' The natives, I hear, were greatly impressed, and they unanimously cams to the conclusion that Mr Seddon was almost as great an orator and politician as Vnoir own Maori ' Premier !'

That was n very pretty little shindy on the banks ot the Waikato the other day, whfln Inipcctor Hickson and his 'troops' captured half ft tribe or so of stalwart Maori wahines and their male partners all afcne of Keri'i Kaihau. This gentleman's samp will live in liifctcry, and no doubt lie will be known to posterity—Sir George Gray's unborn millions—in some remote age to come, as a bloodthirsty villain tt-hc^e tierce Amazonian warriors massacred a brave British army on the Waikntu in the year ot grace 1894. Kcrei, notwithstanding all the hullabaloo he has raised ever a few trumpery mrvey pegs* is tb* toUdesb-mannerfid anci

most polite fellow imaginable, under ordinary circumstances. He has his weak points, however, and his bete noir ia survey pegs. As for a trig-station, the sighb of one, I am credibly informed, would send the celebrated Kerei * Eat - Wind ' into a white heat, while the spectacle of a surveyor at work would provoke him to perform a war-dance. He is the anti-survey peg champion of the Maoris, but) I fear me very much that his patriotic leanings will resulb in another temporary seclusion at the foot of Mount Eden.

The Maori ladien took a prominent parb in the rough-and-tumble picnic at Mercer the other day; as some of the members of the force discovered to their cost. Constabulary duty ab the besb of times is not particularly enticing, bub when a fellow is tackled simultaneously by three or four irate Maori wahines six feet high and 45 inches round tbe waisb, and whfln motives of chivalry prevent him from bitting back, then the situation is decidedly unpleasant. What is a man to do under such circumstances ? If ho treats the ladies with the consideration prompted by a chivalrous feeling for the .'weaker vessel,' they bang him in the eye and bite his legs; if he lifts his hand to deal a blow in return ho would very naturally be regarded as * cowardly' and ' unmanly.' But there is nothing to debar him from wrestling with tho ladies ; from gently but firmly planting them on the ground, or from getting a good grip of their tangled locks or of their capacious ears, and leading thorn off thoreby ; ■ and that is whab they had to do at Mercer. The wily Maori hit upon a moat embarrassing device when he thought of sending oub his muscular womenkind to show fight and bother tbo pakeha.

We see ag«od deal of the current fashions in women's attire in the dress columns of the ' society' papers. Queen-street on a fine day is gay enough with pretty dresses, but Samoa should run it protty close, judging by ' fashion notes' from the sunny South Scan. Here is a lisb of tho latest gowns worn in Sauaoan society on a festive occasion. Tho Samoan ' Times,' of a recent date, in reporting tho annual gathering of natives in connection with tho London Missionary Society, stated :—' The following are the costumes of some of the principal towns represented : — Apia.—Red silk bodice, mapo lavalava, laubi wreath, togi asi. Lauli'L—White muslin bodice, 3iapo lavalava, titi fau (yellow and violet), neck ribbon, fau (red), hab fau (red and blue). Matautu. —White long dress, red neck ribbons, papalagi hab. Vaiala.—Checked bodice, siapo lavalava, ula, white flower wreath, titi lav rnosooi, neck ribbon laut'i. Malo Mulinuu.—White dress, white papalagi hats. Tanugamanono.—White dress, red neck ribbon.' What Auckland belle could beat that ? The gay dresses were not, however, confined to the Sumoan girls, it seems, for according to the same paper, even ' tho Mission barque was dressed for tho occasion.'

It is somewhat amusing to notice the way in which the torm 'lady' is almosb invariably insertod nowadays in place of either ' woman 'or 'female.' While reading ovor the wanted column the othor night, 1 was especially struck with two instances. One read as follows :—' Wanted, educated lady, musical, knowledge of dressmaking, to assist in a store.' The othor • wanted' was * a lady who understands farm dairy work.' Of course, there is not the slightest reason why a woman who understands farm dairy work should not be a lady just the same aa a woman bohind a counter may be perhaps more a lady than the wife of her employer. Tho peculiarity of the advortismont is whab attracbod my attention. If a lady is wanted to assist in a store, one might be pardoned for asking what was the necessity for musical knowledge.

Coolnosa, while of great valuo in the battlefield, may occasionally be turnod to wrong account in ordinary everyday life. One of the porsons who has rotired from public life for some years, ab the urgent request of Mr Justico Conolly, has during his Hhort career horo manifested considerable coolness. He camo from Australia and got employment on a farm some milea out of Auckland. Presenting a rather smart appearance he was thought by many neighbours to be a gentleman cadet1. A short time ago ho was driving into town with tho wife of his employer, and on tho way stopped several time to go into chops. In town he evidently decided nob to return to his situation, much to the surpriao of his employers. Tho astonishment, however, increased considerably who 1* ib was subsequently discovered that he nad borrowed a pound or two at each chop he visited. His system was simplicity itself. Running into the shop he pointed to the lady sitting outside in the trap, and asked for the loan of £1, as she was going to town and had lofb her purse behind. Ac tho lady was favourably known to tho tradesmen, the money was promptly handed to the young man who, of course, pockoted ib before roburning to .the trap. When the risk he ran is taken into consideration, ib musb be conceded thab this individual possessed bhe virtue of coolnoas. \. • ■» * * * *

A good story is also told of another of the prisoners who appeared this week ab bhe Supremo Courb. At the preliminary inquiry in a country Court, ib chanced bhab a lawyer of tho same name aa tho prisoner appeared for the prosecution. In the course of the case a question of identification arose and the lawyer remarked thab tho prisoner could not have told him ab the distance montioned, adding. • bub you see I am shortsighted.' The prisoner politely oxpressed sympathy with the legal gontloman and said, • Po am I sir, it evidently runs in our family.1 This claiming of rolationfhip was too much for tho gravity of the Courb, and the prisoner was admitted to have scored againeb his opponents.

*»* * * Heigh ho ! ' Woman ia ab onco the de light and terror of man,' as Atniel says. I was one of the enthusiastic champions of the sex in the old days, the days before they blossomed into electors. I was always maintaining that they should have equal political freedom wich men, and expressing my conviction that they would never take any mean advantage of the privilege if it was granted them. Ala 3, alas, I must own to having been deceived. From various quarters there have reached me for some time back ominous secret missives from members of my own poor sex, which give me'quite a'turn.' They are usually anonymous notes, the writer dreading to sign his name, and they tell of acts of domestic tyranny that would make any man with a touch of manhood in his soul literally boil. I have kept these communications secret for the sake of the writers. 1 did nob consider that I could render any service to .the victims themselves or the public by disclosing these terrible details. Bub a document lies before me of auother kind. It concerns all mankind. My correspondent, who is anonymous in this as in former cases, assures mo thab tho women of the colony —our wives, our mothers, our sisters —are binding themselves together in some secreb and unholy union for ■ purposes that bode us no g%od. He says, that this society, which ia as yet young, devotes itself to the consideration of such laws, ancient or modern, which have been passed in the interests of their sex and to the concoction of theoretical legislation calculated to further the power and position of women in society, and that, when they have formulated their programme, we may expect to hear more of it. Meanwhile they work in ailec.ee, itself an ominous thing in

woman. My correspondent who tells me he has special sources of information, hopes co be able to give me ab an early date some of the signs and pass words of this treasonous and diabolical association, in order that I may be able to detecb those among my lady friends who belong to it and shun them? Wibhoub some such knowledge, ib is impossible, he tells mo, to say whether the very wife of your bosom is one of the terrible band or nob. Meanwhile, he sends me, as a sample of the legislation which they intend to revive, a statute published in 1288 by the Scotch Parliament. This heinous documenb, which we may fully expecb to see embodied in the law of the land unless we men assert ourselves in time, ordained thab, daring the reign of 'Her Maiet Bleasib Majestic Margareb,' every maiden and lady of high or low estate should have liberty to speak to the man she liked. If he refused to make her his wife she should have the privilege of fining him £100 or less, according to his estate,' except he could make ib appear that he was betrothed to another, in which case he was free to decline the honour of tbe union. After Margaret's death the statute fell into disuse, bub the women of Scotland became so clamorous for their privileges thab another Act of Parliament was passed allowing them to propose every fourth year. My informant informs me thab ib is tho former Act which this Society intend to introduce into our Parliament, and thab they are only now debating whether the penalty for refusal should, not be raised to £'200. 1 am, ab present, powerless to comment on this vile conspiracy, bufc any further information I receive concerning the organisation and ira doing* I shall make public. Meanwhile, I should propose thab the males form themselves into a counter society for the protection and preaervation of man. I shall be pleased to receive subscriptions in aid of the same.

The romance of the world is gradually passing away from this humdrum work-a-day sphere. The globe is getting smaller every day, and Timbuctoo is no longer a mysterious city whose streets are paved with gold. Year by year tho spots of the earth in which a man will find savagedom still regnant, and where humanity is still to be found in its most primitive state, are becoming woefully smaller and smaller, and that bugbear civilisation is carrying all before it, from the Solomon Islands to Mashonaland, and from New Guinea to Dahomey Men everywhere are wearing tho boots and high collar of horrid civilisation, and soon there will not be a bona fide savage extant outside of a Wild West Show or a travelling circus. Tho fine old savage gentleman is rapidly passing in his checks, and very shortly, I fear, there will not be enough of genuine blood-curdling romance in the world to make up a novel in a penny dreadful. According to the latest advices I see that my esteemed friend Lobengula is dead at last —gone for ever this time beyond dispute. Peace to your ashes, 0 Lobengula ! You have been a good friend to the newspaper cableman while you had your day ; may you have^a fittting reward in the happy-hunting-fields beyond ! Then another respected acquaintance, Behanzin, the King of Dahomey, is in a bad way, I am sorry to see. The French have virtually taken his kingdom, and poor Behanzin {Anr/lice, 'benzine?') felt tho noceesity of communicating this to his deceased father so keenly that the other day ho boheaded his mother and sent hor astral ppirit as a messenger to ' tho old man.' That's the sort of savage I liko. No nonsensical civilised qualms about him !

Then I am deeply grieved to see that another valiant dusky brave after mino own hearb has fallen on evil days. Fodislah, tho gentleman who has had a littlo dispute with tho British in Wosb Africa, has boen worsted, and icia reported that ho has boon captured. Poor Fodislah ! It is the fortune of war, however, and can'fc bo helped. I do feel sorry for Mr Fodislah, who was, I am pure, an ostimable and worthy nigger, despite his little peculiarities and eccentricities, such as » partiality for roast missionary—which I hope and believe is a base fabrication. It does grieve mo to boo all those good fellows getting into bad luck. Even our own Te Knoti haa panned away, and his countrymen who are loft 'to mourn his loss ' are not nearly bloodthirsty enough to satisfy one's taste for genuino unadulterated blood-and-thunder romance. Poor old Tawhiao himself is in his dotage, and tho romance of a Maori kingship is pretty nearly a thing of the past. JEheu, fni/aces! The old order changeth, more's tho pity. Reminds one of the Yankee lecturer - humourist's pathetic lament over thecelobritieß of yore. ' Whero are all bheße famous men of old ?' ho yelled, in a voice husky with orthodox emotion. * Where aro they, I ask you? Where are Plato, Socrates, Aristophanes, Euripides, Demosthenes, and — and all the rest of them ? Ah, my friends, how pad the answer ! They're all dead ! And I don't) feel very well myself !'

Although we in New Zealand have at tamed a sorb of unenviable celebrity for our heresy hunts and other little diversions in tho religious world, still we have hardly gone the length which the good people of tho bight little island of Tasmania have in tho way of ecclesiastical ahindios. A cablogram from Hobart the other day gave an account of a scrimmage in a church at West Devonport, Tasmania, which reads more like the narrative of Kerei Kaihau's arrest, or of anlrisbfaction fight than anything else. According tothecable, whatiscalled 'a seriou3 fracas ' occurred over the possession of a church building. The pastor, the Rev. Mr Rogers, was lighting up tho church, when three men entered and forcibly ejected him, tho rev. gentleman being severely handled by his assailants. ' The pastor collected his congregation, who abtacked the church with stones, and drove out the enemy.' What a Christian minded, meek and lowly lot of worshippers thab congregation must be.1 I don'b know the Rev. Rogers ab all, but I cannot help feeling (?lad thab the old Adam was so strong in him, in spite of his cloth, that he marshalled his valiant forces and routed the'enemy.' Possibly he remembered at the time the Biblical stories of how the righteous people emote the .Philistines hip and thigh, and if he hurloci an extra large rock himself at the enemy he could console himself with the reflection than there was Scriptural precedent to warrant him in slinging a stone at a bigger man than himeelf.