Maids in Waiting.

Auckland Star, Volume XXIV, Issue 292, 9 December 1893, Page 3 (Supplement)

Maids in Waiting.

Odr contemporary ' Truth' has-been giving prizes for bhe besb examples of the humours of servantgalism. Here aro a few of them:— ' Well, cook, how did you like the sermon?' ' Oh ! ib were lovely, ma'am ; and bhe bexb quite professional-like.' ' YVhab was ib, cook ?' ' Split peas and suet !' replied Mary. Her astonished mistress discovered by reference to her Bible that bhe quotation should have been, 'Seek peace and pursue it.' After suffering many things from London servants, I obtained from a remobe counbry village a parlourmaid, warranted in every respect. On a bracket in the drawing-room stood a lovely statute of Venus, and entering the room on the morning following bhe new girl's arrival, I was amazed bo find myself confronted with a kind of back-side view of the goddess. ' VVhy, Mary !' I exdarned, ' What have you been doing wibh Venus ?' ' Well, mum,' replied Mary in an aggrieved tone, ' I'm sura I don'b know what to do with the thing; burn her which way I wull, she's ekal disgusbin'!' A lady in reduced circumstances, whose husband was subjocb bo fits, had engaged a raw girl as general servant. Tho maiden was a pibman's daughter and ignorant of class distinctions. She addressed her master as 'Mr Jones' and her mistrees as ' Missus;' and frequently she omitted the use of any formality. ' Bub, Mary,' said Mrs Jones, 'you should learn to epeak hotter than you do. For instance, when you speak to mo say "Madam" for bhe most or sometimes " Ma'am." When you speak bo your master say "Sir."' The lesson was learnb by bhe quick intelligence of tho northern laßsio, and soon she proved her aptitude for instruction. Her maaber had come from the garden and while washing his hands in bhe kitchen was seized with a fib ; so Mary ran to hor mistress, breathless, bub recollected. 'If you please, madam for bhe mosb part and sometimes ma'am, sir has fallen inbo the sink.' A servant, with the highesb recommendations from previous employers bub of excessively plain looks, applying for bho situation of parlourmaid to a lady in bhe Soubh of Scobland, bho lady said bo her, regrebfully, ' You would have suited me admirably in every obhor way, bub 1 cannob get over your nose.' To which bhe maid replied, ' Well, ma'am, I don'b wonder ab that as the bridge of it is broken !' A lady took a house in London for the eeason. For the firsb three weeks or so she happened to post bhe lebbers herself, bub one day, as she was not going out, she rang the bell, and handed them bo the parlour-maid. ' Please, ma'am, whose work is it to posb letters?' inquired bhe girl. 'Indeed, I do nob know,' answered her misbress ; ' bhero are seven of you —inquire.' Presenbly tho parlour-maid returned, sbabing, on bhe besbimony of the cook, bhab posting letters was the work of none of bhe seven servants, and that to get tho letters conveyed to bhe posb was bhe work of a page, and bhat ib would be necessary to keep one before letters could be posbed. Old Mrs R , who had a large dairy in Alloa, N. 8., was awfully mean, bub, nevertheless she took a generous burn one day, and promised each of bhe maids a new bonneb for the annual Augusb holiday or fair. She asked Maggie whab kind she would like, silk or straw. • Weel, ma'am,' said Maggie, afber careful anddeep bhoughb, ' since ye insist on gi'en me a bannet. I think I'll bak' a straw one ; ib will, maybe, be a moubhtu' bae the coo when I'm done wi'b !' Many years ago we had a counbry maid, who caused us much amazemenb. One day my mobher dropped a valuable dish, and, finding to her surprise it was nob injured, she exclaimed, 'Well, biggesb fools have the best luck.' * Yes, ma'am,' innocently remarked bhe maid, who was standing by, ' for if I had dropped it, ib would be sure to have broken.' ' And why did you leave your last place ?' 'Well, ma'am, I rather think ib was because I used to be misbaken for my missus.' • V\ hab time does your misbress dine ?' ' Usually about six o'clock, ma'am, bub she told me bo put off bhe dinner bo-day until you had lefb.' Misbress —' Did you posb bhe lebter I gave you?' Mary—' Oh, yes, mum.' Mistress—'l can't understand nob having received an answer.' Mary—'Of course you know, mum, bhere was only a sbamp on bhe letter and no address.' Misbresa—'No address ! Why didn'b you tell me ?' Mary « Oh, I bhoughb, mum, you didn'b wanb me bo know who you were writing bo.' A lady, overhearing a abrange voice in bhe kibchen wenb bo see whab sbranger the new- cook was enterbaining. Seeing no stranger there Bhe opened a cupboard, and there ' spied a sturdy man where nae man should be.' 'Ah, cook,' she aaid, replied have you gob to say to this ?' Cook * whab —«I know nothing *.!t>ouib ib ;he musb have been lefb bhere by tbn ths old cook, who left yesterday.'