A New Arrival.

Auckland Star, Volume XXIV, Issue 220, 16 September 1893, Page 2 (Supplement)

A New A rrival.

A Yankee View of New Zealand,

Stkollino down Queen-atreet tho day the 'Frisco mail came in, I meb my old friend Hiram P. Doughface, of Chicago, and says I, 'Hello, judge; whab in thunder brings you hero?' His Honor spab with unerring aim ab tho particular fly on which ho had fixed hia eagle eyo, and, saya ho, ' Wal, pardner, tew toll you the almighty truth tho great United Statea ia busted, I mado a few dollars in Chicawgy boforo the boom bust, justskinned out in time, bub I would nob givo tho prico of a yailer dawg for any corner lob in all America now, so I jes run across tew look ab Urstraler, thinkin' may be if I liked it, I'd buy ib, and I. was nover more Bbruck all of a heap in all my life bhan when 1 made this counbry. I knowed thero was a place called Noo Zealand, bub whore ib was or whab ib waa liko, I no more knowod nor a chipmunk. I don't see no cannybiles round 'oro, and ib 'pear 3bo mo yor scalp's as safe 'ere as in Chicawgy. What's a good line for a man to go into 'ere? What mighb you grow now ?'

' Grow,' said I, ' everything. Oranges, apples, turnips, pobaboes, wheab, bcof, mutton, wool—anybhing you like.'

' And how is your prodooa han'led?' ' Oh, we cab all we wanb,' I said, ' and wo Bhip the rosb to England frozen.'

'You don'b say sn. Wal I declaro you air a right smart people, Whab's bhe prico of land 'ere?'

' You can got all tho land you want,' said I, ' from tho Government on lease ab aboub 9d per acre.'

' Whab sorbor land is bhab?' 1 Oh bush land thab will keep bhree sheep to tho aero all the vcar round.'

' I did see some advertisements of land in your Posb Office, is bhab it ?'

' Yes,' I eaid,' second-class land bhoy call

'If thab is your second-class land, now tell mo, dow, whab is your first-class land like ?'

I said wo had no first-class land in the hands of tbo Govornmenb.

' Wal,' says he, ' now thatiasbrnnge, bub bhat sorter second-class land, lemme bell you pardner, is such land as wo havo nob gob in all bhe United Sbates. Now, I want ber nrst you is wats the price o' watter ?'

' Water,' aaya I. ' Oh now I aeo, judge, you think you are in Utah, or Arizona, or California may be, where all tho water has to bo bought. We don'b buy or sell water here ; we have plenty ; sometimes a drop or bwo too much, bub nover boo litblo.'

' How do you geb about in this country ; bosses or mules ?'

' Bless you, judge,' says I, ' we havo 2,000 miles of railroad here, first-class roads, as good as any in New York State or Rhode Island, Connecticut.'

' Jumpin'Geowhilikinß,' said the judge, ' now I soe you air a righb smarb people. Ua Yankees ain'b a euecumsbanco to you, you'vo got tho finosb country under God's sky, and you never leb on. Ton. want to keep it all to yourselves. Nobody knows thia in all, tho United Sbates out'idu mo, and if I only leb on, there'll be such a rush aa in five years bhoro won't be stannin' room in bhis yor counbry. I've sbruck ilo, I have. I'll plank my chickenfixin's righb down here, ancl leb Ursbralor sdirtc. 'Hold hard a minubo, bill I geb my gripsack outer bhe sfeamor, and I'll sail righb in and boom this country.'

And bho judge wenb down bhe wharf wibh hhTcoat bails flying.

Traveller,