ANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XXIV, Issue 94, 22 April 1893, Page 10

ANDOM SHOTS

BY [?]

The cable hag lately supplied us with Jwc small pieces of information which are oj great interest to those who are capable of ISslising thejr importance, The first is ik&b a manuscript of the fpur gospels—said to be the oldeab extant—has been, discovered in a convent, in Mounts Sinai, and the aeeosd is that for the Paris exhibition of 1000 there is now being constructed a telescope, that will bring the inconstant moon within an apparent distance of four miles of the earth. It will be quite cafe, I hope, to leave to the clergy the duty of Impressing on the public what the importance of the first; diseoye.ry may hie. For my part I would like to speculate for a paragraph on the probable resulbs of the invention of a telescope of such power. The least curious amongst m muafa oonfqss to a curiosity about the moon. The knowledge thab astronomers have supplied us with has rather increased than diminished our desire to ba better acquainted with pur nearest heavenly npighbour. Whab the poets have told us" abpub her would prpba,b.ly fill volumes, but it is information as ethereal as the light .of the orb itself. And even where they aro most explicit, as when Astqlphp is described in 'Orlando Furioso' rinding in our satellite all .the fruitless prayers, the fruibles.s fceara, ti^ misspanb time and misspent wealth^ the wasted talents and the bribes, and the the princes' favours of the earth, wo are interested bub nob satisfied vritjj the knowledge acquired.

With the exception of the man who has been there from time immemorial, and the few mortals such as Hans Phaal and certain friends of Jules Verne, who in modern times have reached or nearly reached the lunaF shores—and their experiences are either not available or unreliable—we have absolutely to depend on the astronomers for our information regarding the moon. Up tothepressnt time, that information has been confined to descriptions of mountains 20,000 feeb high, valleys correspondingly deep and volcanoes with craters a hundred miles in diameter; but if we live to see- the close of this century and the telescope of 1900 does all that it promises we shall have as close an acquaintance with our satellite as. Mount Eden has with BirkenheafL What undreamt-of things may npb be disclosed to the eyes of the astronomer who first beholds the body, whjch was op.cc worshipped afar .off as an unapproachable goddess, made a3 it were to descend from her place in the empyrean at the bidding of man. The learned stargazerg have told us that in all probability there is no water in the moon and that the atmosphere, jf there is any, is of dxtrernp rarity, and from this it has rashly been concluded that there is no ani.rnal life, in the orb. Before I adopt any such conclusion, I should just like to have a peep through the new telescope myself. J. do not expect that I shall see the same old human faces, bodies builfc after the same old mpdgl, houses constructed in the same old plan, States governed in the same old fashion, religions disfigured with the same old superstitions, the stjme old intolerance. I hppe sincerely that I shall nob. If the mo.Qn is simply to be a replica of the earth, I don't want to see it aii all. But where the natural conditions are so different from ours, thp fpnpa pf '«fe and living must be different top, and when the moon is brought so near to us that the gazers on Mount Albert can scrutinise it aa keenly as they can Auckland, I expect the scenes displayed to our eyes will be somewhat more than 3 nine days' wonder.

Supposing the moon to be inhabited what revelations may 'this' lasb achievement, of science vouchsafe us; and supposing the inhabitants to be innocent of telescopes like purs what curiou3 relations may be established between them and us. The philosopher in that rugged land, which lies 250,000 iniies distant; from us on the ocean ot apace, may be specuiatin" from some mountain top on the brilliant planet that illnniinates hie long night, when the denizens of f-hat s^me planet have already discussed the politics of his country or his domestic relations. It is perfectly probable that the streets'of hia cities, if there are apy. may one day be as familiar to us a» Queenstrpefc or Karangahape Road. We may gather valuable hints from the advertisements in his shop windows, when we have learned the language of the Moonites as we learned the language of the ancient Egyptians. We m«*y eyen be able to quote the market rates ih tfie distanb satellite, and chroniclp the la&bions and tiie customs of its citizens, in our daily prints. The only drawback tq t|ie generous mipd in all this wil! be that unless acpustica keep pace w:th the development of the telescope, we swall bo unable |p repay the people in t,l» moon for aH the valuable information we derive from them. Bub bhiß need nob deter our investigations, even if these do partake of the nature pf evesdropping. Asaqredly the time will come when the moon will hear the voice of the p»rth and rejoice in tho enjoyment pf all that knowledge which the genius of the terrestrial has, after ceo tunes, wrested from nature,

It is not because I have any greab interest in boxing, or any special acquaintance with the noble art of self-defence that I am now writing. Members of the 'fancy,' who by chance may cast their keen eyes over this column, will find no ' tips 'or ' wrinkles such as the ' Referee ' supplies them with. The little I know of the doings of the F. K. has been fathered at third hand, and in its literature I am all unlearned. But the large and enthusiastic audience that assembled ab the Zealandia Rink to witness a recent battle with fisticuffs, has forced me bo admit that there are many hundreds in Auckland—nob oi the'fancy'—who are deeply interesbed in this once immensely British sport It is for their sakes that • Zamiel.,' who never neglects the interest of any considerable class in tho community, has consented to take notice of a 'harmonic meeting' —I believo that is the correct name for contests liko the late one—which the daily papers treated with a brevity that was nothing less than an insult. A friend of mine who had a friend that was present at tho rink when the champions ' toed the line,' doecribed the scene as one of the moct animated ever witnessed. The spectators could nob all find sibting room, nay, nob even standing room, and, as he expressed it, they wore » sticking bo bhe walls and ceiling just like flies.' Nobwithsbanding this enthusiasm, the daily papers, which dovote half a column to a church meeting, a temperance meeting, or a meeting of the Women's Franchise League, passed over this 'harmonic' meeting with scarcely hulf-a-do/.en lines. No particulars wore vouchsafed of the progress of tint tight, which was continued, J am informed, into the small hours of the morning. Nothing was eaid as to the condition of the '• whistlers,' the 'clareb jugs,' the • coßks or the «peepers '—which are, I am told, euphemistic aynonynis for bhe mouth,

the nose, the ears and the eyes respectively r—or the combatants ab any period of the battle. Of these details—all interesting to a large class—the enlightened and enlightening press said not a word.

Indeed, the press seemed to look askance at the afi'air, as if ib was wanting in respectability. The idea! How could it be so when some of our leading citizens are eajd bo have been there. Ib is all very well of the press to assume this position towards a noble sport that bhe goda bhemselveg used to indulge in, which was ab firsb only permitted to fre© men among the Greeks, that flourished in England under the patronage of Saxon Alfred and the hunchbacked Planfcugonefc in early times, and in later days was witnessed by European crowned heads. Ibs all very well for the press to rsiuse Ibe countenance bo, an arb that is old enough to be ifcs great grandmother of a hundred removes, bub all sensible people are not to bo so easily hoodwinked, They want to know about how bhe ' chicken' was forced *to adopb the early closing movement with either shutter' ab the. eighth round, or how the Fapakura light weight was 'jellified,' and other interesting details. An intelligent public feels a strong intoresb in those matters, and resents their being passed over in silence, or with a mere tag of a notice.

Bub the press of 1893 is far behind that of 1820 or 1860. Then ib took pride in devoting its columns to the recorda of bha 'gentle' art. Who can read the accounts of bhe meebing of John Benicia Boy wibh Tom Sayers, nowadays, wibhout a sense of the degradation of this age, mingling most disagreeably with the exhilarating thrill that passes through every norve when he reads the chronicles of that battle royal ? How many will deny the tribute of a tear from their ' peepers ' for an arb that has fallen from its proud pre-eminence, when they peruse these lines of Reynolds, who flourished at the beginning of the century, and was a friend of Keats.

'Oh. it is life ! to see a proud And dauntless man step, full of hopes, Ud to the P.C. Stakes and ropes, Throw in his hat. and with a spring. Got gallantly within the ring; To r,ee him strip his well trained form. White, glowing, muscular, and warm, All beautiful in conscious power, Relaxed and quiet till the hour.' and so on to the end.

The pastor of a suburban church was the ■victim of a practical joke recently. The parishioners had been engaged in one of the raosh popular methods of raising money for God's work, namely, a sale of work, but be it distinctly understood not a bazaar. Neither were the usual elements of gambling introduced. Notwithstanding this fact, the show was a decided success, and the cash results reached nearly three-quarters of a hundred. The money was handed to the pastor and placed in a cash box. He, good man, was busy saying farewail to some of the visitors, and in order to do this, let tho cash box oub of his hand. Imagine his horror when a minute or two later he discovered that the money had disappeared. Thoughts of Sydney spiolor3 no doubt flashed through his mind and made him act promptly. If the thief was in the room the pastor decided that he should not escape, and to ensure this, alt the doors were locked. It i 3 stated that tho scene was truly pathetic. The minister's face war, as pale as a white washed bride cake, while near at hand were some mothers in Ibrael, who were weeping and wailing in a manner that would do credit to Mies Yon Finklestein's representation of the Jews' cries at the desolation of Jerusalem. Then a search was commenced for that which was lost. So great was the horror manifested at the theft that at length one gentleman quietly pointed out the hiding-place of the cash-box, and joy once more beamed from the visages of the minister and his co-workers. The constable who had been sent for gave a grunt of disgust when he learned the facts of the case, because there was no chance of distinguishing himself.

Tho widespread horror manifested when the death sentence ia passed upon a criminal ia a strong argument against the abolition of capital punishment. Sentencing a prisoner to spend the rest of hia days in gaol would nob ovoke the sympathy that is shown when a man ia told that lie must forfeit; his life to vindicate justice. That being tho case, it must be admitted that a sentence which arouses such hostility as hanging does, mush surely act as a deterrent to crime. One thinu that has always appeared strange to me, is the fact that although many people argue that capital punishment should be abolished, still they never seem to take any steps towards having the law repealed. It is only vvhon some man is sentenced to death under the existing law, that these maudlin eympathefcics rush into print and cry about tho barbarity of hanging. Tho frequent lynching that take place in America show the result of treating criminals too leniently. If the people neio sure that the life of tha criminal would be forfeited according to law, and were certain that justice would nob be juggled, they would never take the trouble to become hangmen themselves. The truth is, thab latterly B uch difficulty has been experienced in uringin" scoundrels to justice, that the eoplo begin to sea the necessity of acting vigorously themselves.

In Auckland it appears bo bo the very reverse. As soon as a criminal is sentenced, no matter how great the crime, we find persons petitioning: for a remission ot tho punishment We have an instance in tho case of Powell. One would scarcely have expectod 5,000 people wero willing to sign their names to a petition that his sentence should be reduced. But of course those who are behind the scenes are a ware what is the true vaino of a petition. There are some people who have a mania for wriiinjf other people's names, and they generally got into nrfcon Then there h another class that are equally ready to sign their own names to get other people out of prison. It is such a* these that tho professional petitioner accost* when in search of aif natures, i use the term 'professional petitioner a aoolvine to the few mon who aro always Sped for that purpose. It is to heir nSrest to get up petition,, because they a.o generally paid by results. Then, again the legal ,r O nt!emen {.ram a little tot draw taj up the petitiona, and there is always „ lbSu?d not be solicited, leaving it for thojo wirlie^allyintcrctedinthepetiuonto Effe^s^^eJ^ makes the whole thing a farce.

lnotioe>brogarfto<je jij» for Maoris being asked to ««« "£ Probably l|,e noh|o nativetf idea of ntu ]ust coincided with the death sentence.

Bank Director, and BfUcUn^ggg ipantgorß are la a sad pickle Aus-m just now. Manyqt them are •» K^J thoso who aro nob are in fear and bronzing

lest they should also be cast into prison. Taking ail things together, a bank manager s life i 8 nob a very happy one in Australia. A Sydney journal hit this off very neatly the other day, in a cartoon «• , re Preaented a sleek-looking bank official with extensive paunch and massive wabch,chain face to face with a typical burglar or ruffian of some sorb from the vicinity of Little Bourke-streeb. ' Whab are you looking at, my man ? ( queries bhe big man ln broadcloth. 'Well, misbar' answers the burglar, ' I wuz only just thmkm' thab me and you is line specimens of wob the newspapers calls the criminal clarses !' Collapse of bhe big official. •»• He Australian bank manager just row is nob safe even if he i 3 innocent. Ho sometimes suffers for the sins of others who aro in another place.' I presume thab he is innocent because ha is not in gaol. He is liable to rough usage at the hands of the .justly indignant populace who have lost tneir money. A Melbourne cablegram this week stated that Mr James Munro, ex-Agent-General for Victoria, had been severely assaulted' by a labouring man who had lost £100 in one of the institutions wibh which Mr Munro was coonected. lie had lost all his real esbate by a bank failure. The assailanb was fined £5. If he has nob losb all his spare cash besides he probably considers ib cheap ab the price. In the days of bhe boom, to speak disparagingly of any man connected with 'financial institutions' in Victoria would have been accounted almost a sacrilege, and to ' assault' one of these great personages would have meant about five years in gaol. The revulsion in popular feeling probably accounts for tho fall to the £5 fine. If this practice of administering physical punishment to bank managers and building society directors were carried ou« in New Zoaland, then there area few, perltap3, who might suffer. Financiers, beware !

Ala? ! for our volunteers. The one 0 gallant defenders of the country are ' fallen> fallen from their high estate,' and have degenerated to the position of stage mummer?. The shred of glory that remained to the rag-tag army of amateur soldiers has been torn from them, and no one wants to bo a volunteer now. In looking over the accounts of the Auckland Amateur Club for tho year just ended, I noticed the item of expenditure, •To volunteers, £ .' Thie, it was explained in tho report of the Committoe, was expenditure incurred in connection with tho performance of '11.M.5. Pinafore' by the Club last year, when a squad of tho local volunteers gave their valuable services in mimic naval drill on the stage. This, however, is not an unprecedented case. Instances have frequently happened in Auckland when tho volunteers were used on the stage in connection with some ' blood-and-thunder ' play, in ordor bo add to the spectacular effect. I must say that I don't like this sort of thing. It our volunteers are really anxious to emulate military discipline they should have more respect for their body, and they should have nous enough to perceive the absurdity of such proceedings as these. If they only possessed a sense of the ridicuculous even, they would see that such applications for their services as ' Wanted, twenty volunteers ; apply at stage door, Opera House,' only served to bring tho volunteer system into public contempt.

'Te Koqfci is dead' was an announcement in the papers this week which must have aroused vivid memorios of tho old war times in the minds of many Aucklanders. Time was when tho very mention of Te Koofci's name evoked expressions of horror, and when mothers frightened their natality infants into obedience by telling them that 'To Kooti would como and carry thorn away and eat them, if they wero not good !' Tho rebel chieftain aroused terror wh.orever ho went in the days towards tho close of rho war on tho East Coast and in the Lakoa district, nnrl there aro many 'old hands' in the constabulary and ex-officers in tho colonial forces now in our midst who can tell thrilling Btories of the war ' when wo wero after Te Kooti.' But, after all, I don't think To Kooti was exactly treated with justice. In tho first place he was unjustly shipped oft'to the Chafchams on very flimsy grounds, and thoro the wholo trouble besr-'in. Then in the second place, much blood-shed and half-a-million ot money would have been saved if tho Government had only let him alone when he came back. That does not palliate his murders, but after all he was only taking ulu for his bad treatment. To Kooti, as he appeared to most colonists in liia later days, was, to all appearance • — tho mildest-mannered man 'I'llat over scuttled ship or cut a throat; With such true brooding: of a gentleman. You never could divine his real thought.'

Though he had tho instincts of a savage no one"to look nb the %toopod old man, broken doiyn with his privations of the war time and harassed with a hacking cough, and not knowing his antecedents, would have thought that on hia head rested the blood of ao many scores of white people and friendly natives. Bub all thab was past whsn To Koobi was pardoned, and he did his bast to make amends for bygones by showing timely kindness to Europeans on more than one occasion.

Te Koofci was n clover man. He fully recognised that t|io beat way to (jain lihe ° respocti and implicit confidence of liiy people was to humbug (horn systematically and artistically. To this' end he made himself a bip ' mofiicine man' amongst t<hom, and altogether he was a groat wonder-worker entirely. An illustration of hia system of liarmlps? 'humbug' is worth giving. The Maniapoto tribe built a largo and elaborately carved mooti,,B - houae for Ta Koofci at Te Kuiti Afc the further end of this house was ii secret door, which waa skilfully constructed ; it was made to slide sufficiently ■vide bo admit a man. By means of this To ICoobi UHod to practice a litblo deceit, winch to the Maoris waa an exhibition of Ins Hupornaturnl power. It was his custom to tro out through the door of the house and mjx with the people outside. Then he would work his way round to the back, and lifting aside the raupo mid tj-trea c would elide the panel far enough back to admit him. His immediate attendants stood in front, of it ro hide hie entrance from tho eyes of th; common Pore! When he appeared among the people n tho ■whare, his Pudden and unexpected appearance was attributed bo supernatural S,h ' Behold, a miracle |' they pried. Such litllo dovicee, however, are nob acS) by more civilised men and Sirs "of men. We Europeans uhoulri not laugh at old le Kootia STeV until we have put away from us our own little humbugs and transparent noonlo work. Furthermore, he would nob Kiuromutly confiscated it, and would ;s,^w tslon Ist. I'aul's advice to bake a IMll wino for Wb .tomach|a N ke.

Ti- i. vorv eurioua to note how an ac-

tne pretty shores of the Waitemata. But an amusing incident bearing on this point occurred last week. The amusement, I may say, was confined solely to the onlookers, while tho principal actor in the affair altogether failed to express Ins feelings in adequate language. The circumstances surrounding the outbreak of fire which so unaccountably appeared on the steamship Ruahine on her voyage from London to this porb, will, doubtless, be fresh in the memory of my readers. It will also be remembered that the bulk of her cargo damaged by the conflagration was ejected at Capetown, to the satisfaction of bargain-huntare and firewood dealers there. Figuring among the articles which received the close attention of steam and water was a large consignment of that very useful and civilising commodity, soap, and it will bo readily understood that an extremely short acquaintance with its watery adjuncts had tha effects of quickly diffusing the cleansingarticlo all over theadjacenb hold and catgo. In its varied travels, the soap mixed with several other equally slimy substances, the wholo resulting in a conglomeration that can be better imagined than described. This beautiful mixture was not thoroughly removed from the vessel till she was lying alongside the Queen-street Wharf, where it was dumped down in considerable quantities with every slingful of cargo lifted out of the steamer. By the time all the cargo had been discharged the surface of the tee was thoroughly carpeted with a thick coating of thia slippery material, and up to this week tho subsequent traffic had given the wholo quite a bright and polished appearance. Bub what a magic and irresistible force appeared to take charge of the pedal extremities of all travellers over tho end of the wharf after the gentle rain showers of this weak. The personage I have already referred to was evidently a ' bloated aristocrat doing the kawlonies, 1 and he was ambling around the wharf to get the boat point of vantage for viewing the magnificent panorama spread before his gaze. He at length decided upon a spot for the purpose he had in view, and made for it smiling arid unsuspicious, although his path lay right across the greasy and treacherous patch of wharfage, and tho next moment) the spectators—and they were plentiful iis usual—had some rare sport, and I subsequently heard several of tho witnesses aver thac the show was as funny as the London Gaiety Burlesque Company. About the sixth step sufficed to disturb the tourist's equilibrium, and his next movements resembled those of a teetotum, twirled by a very energetic boy. Needless to way, his natty outfit was simply permoated during the lightning revolutions with copious libations of liquified Siuilighfa c-oap, mustard, oil and fafc, the combined substance emitting a shocking odour. His once immaou- ; late person presented an awful appaarance, and the frightful rapidity with which ho was pouring outo obloquies against everybody who had anything to do with the wharf, made tho scene very laughable. The evident wanb of sympathy on tho part of his select audience also greatly angered the unfortunate sightseer, and hi 3 feelings must have been thone of murder, when he received tiie coldblooded advice to follow on with plenty of water and towels. He did not wait for many mnro such remarks, and in a short \ ppaca of time his form could just be made ! out gliding up ono of the back streets, presumably on the way for an overhaul.

Some individuals with little breeding and less wit have- been making merry over a proposal which has beon mooted in connection with tho West End Tennis Club to limit tho number of members to thirty ladies and an equal number of gentlemen. One writer, making an elphantine attempt to be funny, and succeeding so effectually bhab nobody can perceive the fun, elaborates a Bcheme by which he proposes to bring twenty-live members of each sex into such, intimate companionship that they must perforce fall desperately in lovo with each other. The learned theorist is evidently illinformed with regard to tho main facts. That young ladies, in every respect charming and eligible, are present in more than tho requisite number among the mombers or the West End Club is perfectly true, but where aro the five and twenty eligible young gentlemen to be found? Putting the twenty aside, where aro tho five ? With a few exceptions, the male detachment of the lVes*3 End Tennis Club is composed of married men tirid little boys. This is an awkward focfa to bo reckoned with when talking of rhe Club a? a possible iield for matrimony. That tennis, and tonnia alone, can bo the only possible attraction to fair members of fcho club most be manifest to anyone who visits the ground on any of tho afternoons which are npceially sat apart for gentlemen players. The origination of such an ungallant movement as that initiated at the recent meeting to limit tho number of lady members, is in itself an evidence that the unmarried masculine division of fciie West End Club are in tho callow stajjo—very satisfactory to thoir mammas, »>o doubt—but a period in tho Hvey of boys when they can scarcely be said to form objects of serious interest bo sensible girls. Masculine humanity in its fuller development goes in nowadays for more vigorous sport than tennis, which is essentially a ladies' game. The West End Club ia in 'to worse position than other tonnia clubs with regard to the numerical inequality of tbo sexes. Tho gamo is one of the beat, that has ever been devised aa a healthy and pleasant exercise for ladies, and it is not particularly creditable to the boys of I'ousonby thab tho young ladies of that suburb have been made the subject of public ridioulp, in consequence of tiie ill-natured grumbling of a few youngsters.

Microbes and ' ptomaines' aro the terror of our cultured lives in these days of high civilisation. We can't eat or drink anything that we take a fancy to without being warned against tho horrible germs and microbes which make ib their habitat. Everything is microbe, and it wo refused to touch anything that has these horrid little writing creatures with ipng feelers as seen through tho pisoroscope, we would undoubtedly »|»rvo in a very short time. I have come to the conclusion chat microbes ran do oue bub little harm, and that ib doesn't matter very much whether we devour them or not. In owes of this sort, ignorance is truly bliss It has jus been announced, on the authority ot a German bacteriologist, that, every °°»<» °* ™! butter we cab contains ab least 47,200,000 microbes 1 In this connection a contemporary poet thus lets himself loose on tne world, U3 per tho following :- • We are tired of theM) n»f'^F. B "'if," 1.1 ™1 That you mnko us digest, willy-mlly; Wo are heartily stele And now, to prown all, You attempt to «PP- 11 ~, , With a brand-new bacillus of buttei!

• At first wlion Hio topic was fresh. r tothrmxis With the jaw-aplittir X terms Wimn you write o tne risks

Or^C you should sUU be ccjnsraneri To al'ain earn ?/our bread By maWnffUß give up our butters