RANDOM SHOTS

Auckland Star, Volume XXIII, Issue 156, 2 July 1892, Page 10

RANDOM SHOTS

BY "ZAMIEL"

Borne write, a neighbour s name to lash gome write—vain, thought! for needful cash, Some .write to please the country clash, -_, ' And raise a din, For me, an aim I never f ash- ..-.•■ I write for fun. "

Female politicians are apt at times to be dangerous, judging from the cabled reports of the outrage on Mr W. E. Gladstone. Hotao Rulera. and Anti-Homo Rulers, Liberals and Conservatives, must all feel sad ab the spectacle of an octogenarian injured in the eye by a piece of bread thrown by a woman. Ac one man remarked on reading the account, • Ib was a very ill-bred action.' We have heard a good deal in the last few years about the rights of women, how they aro' pushing forward to a position of equality with men; bub ib is to be hoped that this coming to the front will not mean making fools of themselves at election meetings, as too many men do, and of course it is most devoutly to be desired that hurling missiles will not be adopted as a sign of strong-mindedness. I have heard it asserted thab when women get the franchise elections will become more orderly, but this irate bread-thrower in England rather shakes one's confidence.

Thero'waa something peculiarly pathetic in the laconic message which notified the sudden demise of Sir Harry Atkinson. *♦ Immediately the Legislative Council adjourned to-day the Speaker retired to his private room and died." Ib seemed quite fitting that the erstwhile soldier and veteran politician should practically die in harness. The stirring epieodes of his early life aptly illustrate the herculean labours that are the lot of the founders of a new nation. First of all as a 3ettler hewing a home out of the primeval foresb, then . when the occasion arose proving himself an able officer for guerilla warfare, and ultimately becoming the Premier of the colony. He manifested throughout, thab dogged determination and energetic perseverance which ensures success, and was an excellent type of the sturdy pioneer settler. At a time like the present, when ■co many young men are taking up sections of land in the country with a view to forming homeBteads, it would be well for them to remember that by energy and perseverance a man rose from the same starting point to occupy the highest position attainable in the, colony.

For sublime impudence, ' cheek, 1 and thorough-going defiance, the man who attempted last Saturday to burn down the Hamilton Borough Council offices must go up top. From the interesting little account in the Stab, ib appears that Lallar, Lalor or Lawlor (let us say Lawlor) had previously been an inmate of the Old Men's Refuge ab Hamilton, and, having given considerable trouble to the authorities, these persons had the audacity to turn the man out. Lawlor evidently, looked upon .this as base injustice, and intimated to all and sundry that he was determined the public should support him in some shape or form —if not in - the Eefuge, then in gaol. Thereupon he pursues a 'Law-less course, and earns two terms of imprisonment as a vagrant; then, with the spirit of a spoilt child, insists that he should be readmitted to the Refuge, apparently under the impression that his two terms in durance vile would convince the Board that he could not be shaken off.

The Board, weakly and unwisely as ib appears to me, agreed to allow bhe persistenb old party four shillings a week towards maintenance; bub this was only adding insulb to injury. Lawlor saw clearly that a little more moral suasion was required to bring the Board to a proper frame of mind ; he accordingly intimated his sweet intention of breaking a window * in order to geb into gaol.' The Board's epidermiß,however, was too tough, and the threat failed to penetrate. Mr Lawlor now re-considered his plan of operations, and having come bo the conclusion thac his former purpose of making a little more work for the glazier would not have the desired eflfecb, he struck the brilliant idea of raising a bonfire oub of the borough offices, borough books and papers, the hospital dibto dibto, arid such.

Perhaps ib would be difficult to say exactly what should be included wibhin the term 'pure cussedness,' bub I imagine bhab Lawlor's lawless lapses [ahem !) come right in the middle of the definition. This member of the colony's 'old nobility' was, of course, arrested, and in order to save the police authorities from any anxiety of mind with reapecb to proving his guilt, placidly informed them thab he had intended to burn the offices down from malice prepense, that he had collected1 tea-breeonFriday,but that bhe rain had wab ib and ib would nob combust. He alao reiterabed that he was so pleased with the ' Government stroke' that he had decided to have some more of ib. If the C.A.B. would nob support him as, pjr h^gliofore, he would ruralije at Mount Eden. Now, ib is always a great advantage to clearly know the intentions of a"raan like our present hero, albeib not such Sh advantage to the'devil's own'aa fche rest of the community.

Bub the persistent manner in which Mr Lawless strove to gain re admission to either the Old Men's Retreat or the Gaol, speaks eloduenfcly of the 'good old times'he enjoye"d there; and in fact ib subsequently transpired fchab, a situation having been obtained for my hearty, he complained to the nn6tress that the fare was hardly good enough for hia fastidious palate. He politely told her that be was bettor fed in the Refuge, and then left. Talk "about beggars nob being choosers-that is I 'quite out of date. Why, after a man has ' served a term in our modern RefugeorGraol, 'he is a perfect connoisseur, a polished gourmand, a downright epicure. We have heard similar expressions as to the good times enjoyed in Her Majesty s House of Correction'from others who have had the entree thereto, and seeing. how extremely anxious-some of the gentry discharged from the Mount Eden hotel are to get back a»ain, the question arises whether incarceration therein should be looked upon aa a punishment or as a wholesome recreation. The punitive effect, at any rate, is not very clear

V % For whatever the state of trade outside maybe, within the stone wall 3j of Mount Eden one is sure of being relieved from the worry which arises from the struggle for existence arid which crushes so much of the life bub of people;-One is also sure of good food, comfortable bedding, clean clothes, a Scan crop and shave, a little.«««»■ euphemistically termed ' hard l^our 'nd 1-6 good wash. (This last, by the way, ia in many cases, sadly needed.) » Carking care s banished, Sunday observance is eompul. gory, dibto temperance and regular hours, < S one ie to a-greab extent kept out of: temptation ; there is also'time to chew the cud of sober reflection the risk from fire is, nob sreafc, and-but I must stop, or else

my description will be tempting the whole of thia sweating and grinding community bo obtain tickets of admission to the select) Mount Eden. Retreat, and there is hardly room i:or all. Altogether, however, Lawlor's case in very suggestive. He certainly has a good deal of energy and persistency for an, old"man, and it is a pity that these qualities were not; devoted to. a better cause. He has, of course, been committed for • trial,' which again excites the question—why in the world do they want to ' try' a man when he has repeatedly pleaded guilty? However, this is a matter of law,, so I suppose it is all right.

The Salvabion Army have proved the perfecb efficacy of the trumpet to draw the masses. They are now trying, by somewhat similar means,to attract the moneyed classes ; not that they are.solicitous about the souls of the latter—for they have other business on hand just at present—but they urgently require gold to carry out their emigration schemes. Some time ago, we were definitely assured that the Generalissimo had made arrangements for the transporb of 5,000 of his army to our shores, and that he had secured a block of land for their settlement. History has such a habit of repeating herself that the modern Plutarch usually finds little difficulty in instituting a comparison between any event of his own. and of earlier times, bub this of General Booth's seema a new thing even in her wide experience. Of course, it would be easy, were we content with mere superficial resemblances, to recall numerous instances of men who have gone out seeking a new land, bub history from the Aryan dispersion to the present day gives no record of a migration closely resembling that projected by General Booth. Thia facb is significant ; it proves that at least hia scheme is nob wanting in originality. Greater men than the leader ot the Salvation Army have before this proposed such a scheme, but to the General may perhaps be awarded the honour of having baen the firsb bo carry ib out to its issue. I cannot say successful issue, for it would be premature to apply the adjective ; indeed, in my own mind I share the grave fears of many others thab the scheme will ever merit its application.

It is comforting to be assured by General Booth that the contingentsent to our shores will be composed only of the victims of poverty ; that there will ba no so-called reformed burglars, thieves, et hoc genus omne; that the sample will not be like some of our imports—composed of rubbish " especially prepared for the colonies ;" but that all .will have passed through the hands of the Army inspectors, and be warranted perfectly sound in their morals. One is inclined to ask whab moral stethoscope has been applied to these soldiers before they were declared fit to join the forces. Was ib the General himself who saw to ib that no man was admitted unless his moral inches were up to the standard, and how can we tell thab the rogue did not stand on tiptoe for the occasion ? Shepherds are said to know the face of every sheep in their flock ; bub the shepherd who has undertaken to carry the submerged tenth to New Zealand would need to know every heart, before h6 could; give us a -guarantee thab we incur no risk by letting them graze on our pastures. How are we to be sure that there is no wolf in sheep's clothing? It would certainly not be impossible for some cunning wolf of a burglar to introduce himself into the fold, and .get carried out to New Zealand free of cost. Or some dutiful thief, yearning tor a sighb of his father's grave ab Botany Bay, would seize this opportunity, cull a flower from the spot where the old man lies, and—if there were no openings for him in Melbourne or Sydney—hasten back to London to attend to business during the long nights. To the enterprising young housebreaker who finds the English metropolis too restricted for the full use of his talents, General Booth's scheme will especially commend itself. It offers an exceptional opportunity to all who, like him, have had their thoughts'already forcibly turned in the direction of the colonies. A free passage, the bracing effect of the eea air, and quarters gratis in a new and delightful country ! Why, to a young man like Mr Bill Sykes, who has a trade to fall back on if he dislike the life, the chance is not one to be lightly rejected. Id is quite worth undergoing the temporary restraint of the Army discipline (especially when the argus eye of the police £3 on one), to be able to reap such a reward.

I read somewhere lately thab General Booth was getting together all the tools that would be necessary for the new settlement. Tools! that sounds suspicious. We must all earnestly pray thab our Customs officers will do their duty in this matter, and not allow a single box or even parcel to be landed with the contingents before they have subjected the same to a rigorous examination. Nay, ib might be as well thab bhe persons of the soldiers should undergo as thorough a scrutiny as the employees on the South African diamond field have to submit to. Ib cannot be impressed too strongly on zealous officers that centre-bits may be concealed in a very small space, thab jemmies may be mistaken for crowbars, and thab Jife preservers are also life destroyers. For the safety of the community I would suegest that each emigrant should have to explain the use of every article in hia kit, and this in the presence of a magistate. It might also be of advantage to have a clergyman in attendance, who tvould catechise the young Roldiers, with a view of obtaining fcheif opinion of meiim and tuum.

By-the-way, speaking of the children,will they attend the public schools or will they have institutions of their own ? Jusb fancy 'Mr Fagan's academy for young gentlemen,' as a standing advertisement in the newspapers. It would be better—far better that the young soldiers should'be kept unspotted from the world, otherwise we might find our .little -Olivers striking* up undesirable acquaintances with Master Artful Dodger, and diverting his unsuspecting parents' attention while he ' pugged his wipes.' But let us nob dwell longer on thia awful prospect or we shall never get any rest, but lie awake at night tremblingly expect, ant of the 'villainous centre bits' to begin their musical grind, and whispering to our pillows, ' Oh, Booth hath murdered sleep!' Let us trust that a paternal Government,, which allowed of the importation of rabbits, 3parrows and weaselß, will draw the-line at burg-—, or, rather, let us take the General at bis word, and believe thab he has exercised such precautions as will make ib impossible for any with a mark against his name to land on our shores. But even when we have had satisfactory assurance on the above point, there are others, only secondary in importance, which present themselves. We confess we should very much like to know the materiel of this first contingent. Are they men of muscle, men of spirit ? Keady to face hardships, and to grapple with every difficulty till they have overcome it ?—these are the men we want. Or is ifc the weaklings, and the failures in the battle of life, the third or fourth generation of a Whitechapel father and mother, enfeebled in body and mind, for whom we aro called on to provide an asylum ? If it is the former let us flash our welcome across the world to the General, but should it be the latter, let us, while we pity the poor souls from our innermost hearb, warn him that he deceives both himself and them if ho hope 3, out of such material, to subdue the. wilderness, and make ifc blossom like the rose.

Who sa3^s that Vne ancient glory of the British navy has departed, or that fche

'meteorflag' has losb its ancient lustre? After reading a recent accounb of the bombarding of a few miserable native huts in the New Hebrides by a British warship, lasb month, I would like to know who is there that- can say thab England's strong right arm has losb its old-time vigour in enforcing the doctrine thab 'might is right' in the dark places of the earth ? There is still some honour and glory lefb for the British naval officer when he is on the Pacific naval station. 'Shooting niggers' from a distance, and burning those niggers' huts down, is almost as pleasant- a eporb as chasing a Frenchman or a Spaniard used to be in the days of Nelson. Certainly it is safer. The flag thab ' braved a thousand years the babtle and the breeze' is covering itself in this way with unlimited glory in the South Sea Islands, according to the reports of the Admiral. Ib is, of course, with the object of repressing those mysterious and terrible '. outrages' which are continually being perpetrated on innocent whibe men by the brutal blacks in the Solomons and New Hebrides thab the warships pour shob and shell into native villages from a safe 1 distance off shore, and whab matters ib if ninety-nine innocenb Kanakas suffer so that the guilty one may be punished? Nothing at all so far as the naval commanders are concerned.

The daily papers a few days ago contained an account of a 'punatory' expedifcion undertaken by the British cruiser Katoomba and the French warship Saone to the New Hebrides, where, as punishment for a certain murder of a white trader committed some twelve months ago—by whom no one knew or probably ever will knew—the ships bombarded a line of native villages on one of the islands, and destroyed as much property as possible. It seems to me monstroua that suchwigh-handed action should be possible on the part) of a professedly Christian nation. If ie is necessary to punish the ignoranc native who takes a white man's life in revenge for wrong 3 which have been inflicted on him by that white man or by others, surely it could be done in some less brutal fashion ! The.outrages committed by white men in the South Sea Islands seldom come to light; bub if a whits man provokes the revenge—justor unjusb—of tbeKanaka,and is shot or epeared, an English, German, or French man-of-war, bristling with men and cannon, is straight-away despatched to judicially murder those wicked natives, shoob as many of them as possible—guilty or nob guilty—and fire their poor villages. It is generally too much trouble to discover the real offenders, so a whole tribe or village, or several tribes and villages, are made to suffer for the offence of perhaps one man.

Whab wonder, then, thab the luckless natives are provoked by the loss of their property, and probably some of fcheir friends, to revenge themselves on the first innocent white trader tbab comes along ? This judicial proceduce by virtue of shot and shell has become quite a favourite naval amusement in the South Seas, and it would almost be a pity—for the sake of the new-chum naval officer —if it were discontinued: Such a novel and interesting experience, don't-yer-know. How can the British nation so far reconcile the Bible and bullets—two equally favourite arguments of John Bull —as to believe that the cause of Christianity and civilisation is being advanced in the New Hebrides by the missionary and man-'o-war guns at the same time V And how can the world expect the hard-working and faithful missionary to succeed in his isolated labour in the Southern Seas when the Admiralty are ever and anon neutralising his efforts by their little target practice at those whom he hopes to gain as his converts ? Verily,"'tHo ways of the civilised Briton are past finding out.

I hear that 'King' Tawhiao—erstwhile the monarch of the Maoris and now compelled to fall back on his purely native mana —is going about in the Waikatoo just now somewhat after the style of the raging lion iof Scripture, breathing oub fire and threatenings againsb the Ballance Government. The reason is that'a few weeks ago the Ministry gave publicity to the fact that Tawhiao had accepted a pension from the Government, and that he had cousented to be a friend of the Government for ever and ever and ever, so help him Potatau ! It was stated that the old chief had even drawn the first quarter's allowance of his pension of £220 a year, and that he was ready almost to fall on his knees and worship the Government for acting so considerately towards him in bis sere and yellow leaf. But now Tawhiao tilts his bell-topper indignantly on side and says that the Ministers are all liars and Bons of liars, their words are very much kino and their promises are base. At a big native meeting in the Waikato he told the assembled Maoris that he had not accepted any pension from the Government, and that the statements that he had were only lying statements of his enemies. And then John Maori, with one accord, passed what was virtually a vote cf confidence, /in the King, and this just after the Government had been congratulating themselves at haying settled the little Tawhiao business for good and all! Who can decide on the truth when King and Premier give us different versions ?

The probability i 3 thab both King and Ministry are right. Tawhiao has accepted money from the Government, but the old man probably understands that the pension is simply a present to him in compassion for his present reduced circumstances. He is in very bad financial straits, or rather was—being even without the means to procure the common necessaries of life until he was aasisted-'by the Native Minister and privately by Sir George Grey, his old friend. Being in thia condition, and knowing that some members of the Government were aware of ib, the_ old chief probably accepted a portion of his pension as a douceur to tide him over poverty, considering himself free, nevertheless, to adopt any sorb of political action he chose in the future. This i 3 the view which Sir George Grey bakes of the matter, and he is very probably right. Sir George stood as godfather to Tawhiao's eldest son (now dead), and he has been for many years a friend of the old man, as he was of his father, Te Wherowhero, before him. I am sure, however, thab everyone will be glad to see a complete understanding arrived at between the Government and Tawhiao. The one-bime King of the Maoris must see fchab his power has been on bhe wane for years, and bhab he has everything to gain and nothing to lose by arriving aba full and friendly settlement with the authorities of the colony. .

*** * * ■* * * The novelties with which Mr Snazelle ib ab present entertaining us in the City Hall draw nightly large concourses of people. Music, song and story. i<> would seem, have a charm to equal even the comicalities of " Dr Bill," or the mystic evolutions of the Fairy Four. Mr Snazelle deserves suocese, for in all the form and variety of entertainment which he presents there is no item that is not strictly and emphatically nice. The poetry and humorous yarns are in good taste, the singing is excellent, the limelight views charming, while best of all is the atmosphere of true refinement that emanates from the stage, pervading every corner of the building, subduing the most unruly and diverse spirits, and creating a quiet, peaceful hush, like the calm of a summer twilight. -It conapicuous absence of this element m a modern, entertainment is unique, then Mr Snazelle ■. modus qperandi is a most happily unique one..