THE AMERICAN CLAIMANT.

Auckland Star, Volume XXIII, Issue 19, 23 January 1892, Page 3 (Supplement)

THE AMERICAN CLAIMANT.

BY MARK TWAIN'

CHAPTER 111

MkS Seli,_sßS returned now with her com

posure restored, and began to ask after Hawkins' wife, and a big.it his children, and the number of them, and so on, and her examination of the witness resulted, in a circumstantial history cf bhe family's tips end downs and drifting to and fro in tho far west during tho previous fifteen years, There was a message now from oub back. end Colonel Sellers went out there to answer to it. Hawkins took this opportunity to risk how the world had been usinc the Colonel during tho past haifgen erabion. 'Oh, it's boon using hint just the same : ifcxouldn't change its way of using him if jt wanted to, for he wouldn't lob it.' 'I can easily believe tint, Mrs Sellers.' 'Yes, you see, ho doesn't change, himBolf—nob"tiio least little bib in the world — he'e always Mulberry Sellers.' 'I can ace thai plain enough.' «Jusb bhe same old scheming, generous, good-hearbed, mconahiny hopoful, no-ac-count, failure, ho always was, and still everybody likes him just as well a 9 if he was the shinrngest success.' 'They always did; and it was natural, because he was so obliging and accommodating, and had something about him that- made it kind of easy to ask help of him, or favour .—you didn't feel shy, you know, or havo that wish-yoii-dido't-havo-to-try feeling bhab you havo with other people.' 'It's jusb so, yeb; and a body wonders at it, too, because he's been shamefully treated, many times, by people thab had used him for a ladder to climb up by, and then kicked him down when thoy tlul.n't need him any more. For a time you can Eoe he's hurt, his pride's wounded, because ho shrink away from that thing and don't wanb to talk about it—and so I used bo think now he's learned soir.othing and he'll toemoro careful hereafter—but laws ! In a couple of weeks he's forgotten all aboub it, and any selfish bramp oub of nobody knows where can come ami put up a poor mouth and walk righb into his heart; with his boots on.' ' Ib must try your patience protby sharply somobimca.' 'Oh, no, I'm us&.i to it, and I'd rather have him so than the other way. When I call him a failure, I mean to the world lie's a failure, ho isn'b to me. 1 don't know as I want him different, much difiorent, any way. I havo bo scold him some, snarl ab him, you might even call it, bub I reckon I'd do bhab jusb the samo, it ho was diil'oront—it's my make. Bub I'm a good deal less snarly, and more contented, when he's a failure, than lam when iio isn't.' ' Then ho isn't always a failure ?' said Hawkins, brightening. 'Him? Oh, bless you, m. Ho makes a strike as ho calls ib from tirao to time. Tlion's ray time to fret and fuss; for the money jusb flics—first come, first, served. Straight off, he loads up bhe houso wibh cripples and idiots and stray cats ami all the difl'oronb kinds of pot..r wrecks bhat obi er people don'b want, ar.d bo doc-i. and then when bho poverty comes again I've <y-.it t,_ clear the most of bhem out or we'd starve ; and that distresses him, and me the same, 0? course. Here's old Dan'l and Jimmy, that bhe shoriif sold smith m,e of tho times that, wo gob bankrupted before tho war — they a-imo wandering back after the peace, v.'on 1 oub and used up on the cotton plantii.iofs, helpless?, and nob another lick of work lefb in their old, hides for tho rest of this earbhly pilgrimage, and we so .pinched — Oh, so pinched—for tho very crumbs to J-r-ep life in us ; and hs just fin rig the door wide, and bho way he received them, you'd I'avc thought they had como straight down from heaven in answer to prayer. I took Mm one side, and said, " Mulberry, we can't have them. We've nothiiu: for ourselves ; ivo can't fesd them !'' Ho looked at mo kind of hurt, and said, " Tore bhem out ?— and. they're come to me just as confident er.d trusting as—a3 —tvhy, Polly, i must have bony hi that co:.li.lo'ico n .uo time or ' other iv long timo ago, and giv&n my note, to to speak—you don't get. such things a? a yift— and how am I going to go back on a debb like that ? And y.--u sec, they're fo poor, tn_ol old, and friendless, an i — and.—'' Hut I was ash a mod by that time, and shut him '.Ai, and somehow felb a now coi.rago in mo, and so I -.aid softly, " We'll keep them—the Lord -.vill provide." Ho was glad and started to blurb out ono ot those over-confident speeches of his, bab cheeked himself in time and said, humbly "I will, anyway.' It was years and years ami yours ugtu. Well, you see, those wreck:-. ere here yet." 'But don't thoy do your housework ?' 'Laws I bhe idea. They would if they could, poor old tilings, am . perhaps they think bhey do do f_: - .ir.o of it. Pub it's a sip. > .titi'.n. Dnri'l waits or, the fronb door, sometimes goes 00 an errun.d, and ,« omebimes you'll see ono. or both of them lotting 00 bo -.ir..b around in here, bub that's bee.iusr. there's somebhing thoy want to hear aboub ar.d mix thoir gabble into. Ami they're always around ab meals, for tiro same reason. Bub tho facb is, wo havo bo keep a y-.ir.ig negro girl just to fake carp, of litem, and a negro woman to .ii;.. t!-,o housework and help take care of them.' 'Well, they ought to, be tolerably happy, I should think.' 'It's no name for ib. They quarrel together pretty much all the time---most always aboub religion, because Dau'ia a Dunk er Baptist, and Jini.y _. a . hr_titi.'g Methodist, and Jinny boliov?s in special Providences, and Dan'l don't, because tm thinks he's a kind oftifreethi.dcor—and they playandsing plantatiot: hymns together, and talk aud chatter just eternally and forever, and aro sincerely fond of each other, arid think the world of Mulberry, and he puts? up patiently wibh all their spoiled ways ami foolishnesses, and so—ah, well, Ihcy'r:. happy enough, if ib comes to that. And I doa'b mind, I've gob used to ib. I can get uaod to anything, wit.l*. Mulberry to hoi;.: and the fact is I don't much care whab happens, so long as lie's .-'p-ircd to me.' 'Well, here's to him, and hoping ho'il Wake another airil.o soon.' 'And rake it: the lame, the- half aid tho blind, and turn tho houso into a hospital again ? It's whab he would dr.. I've scon a plenty of thab and more. X:-, Washington, I want his strikes to bo niighby moderate oi.es the rest ol tho \v-ay down the vale.' 'Well, then, big striko or littlo .aiko, or no strike ab all, bore':, hupim '-AW ..-..-V lack for friends -- ar.ol f doa'b rccho;. a- -,\-, •■ ' will while there's people areum. wo , ui,o-.v ! enough to—' 'Him lack for friends !' ..m' - : -.- ;•!,..'. :, :; - \ head up with a frank pride : \ i.y , '.','.,■.!■.- i ingben, you car.'b i.an.'.o 0 ~••.-. t.h,.-.«, j anybody bhab isn't f.i.d oi" : .,i:i. ; I'll boll you private.!v, a.,-. ! :; U d , Satan's own time U; kont. th .r ;:,.uiap-i pointing him to «o'.._c .'..'me -:-r ot.hcv. I They know he'l 1,0 bn.'-iir-.-i with .01 'a ,: .ce, ' just as well as I did, but !m : ._ 'd.o hmde-s. man to refuse acyi.hiog : ■ 1;. body m/r-r saw. Mulberry Sellc. -.vi'd. 0: 0! ! ..,.-o ! Laws, gooduess., yoo k;-rv .'iot i!i,-.t, v,-,0:!.'. !.,o 'like. Why, ."bcv'i'! -m,.- irom tho mvis of tho earth to -o-_ 't circ-- -the thai. I'd ju.-b as lievos b .r.-o.v-iod '■ '\ia;:aia Falls and . done wit,!i>. >Ao ■'. :odco',ivo -,i,-m:.-/. :.m «.<tod — 1.,'.--.'j tig !..,<_!., i„ to. Inter? .', '* t.<.| the remark that

had boon her boxb : ' Friends? oh, indeed, no man ever had more ; and such friends : Oraub, Sherman, Sheridan, Johnston, Lnngstrect, Lee—many's the timo they've sat. in thab chair you're sitting in— !' Hawkins vvas out of ib instantly ar.d contemplating it with a roverenbial surprise, and with the awed sense of having trodden shod upon holy ground. ' They !' he said. ' Oh, indeed, yes, a many and a many a time.' He continued to gaze at the chair fascinated, magnetised, and for onco in his life that conbinenbal stretch of dry prairie which stood for hi a imagination was afire, nod across it was marching a slanting flamc-fronb that joined its wide horizons together and smothered tho skies with smoke. He was experiencing what one or an-jjbher drowsing, geographically ignorant alien experiences every day ia tho year when ho turns a dull and indi.bront eye out of the car window and it falls upon a certain station-sitr.i which reads, ' Strnb-ford-011-Avon !' .Mrs Sellers went gossiping comfortably along : ' Oh, they like to hoar him talk, especially if thoir load is getting rather heavy ou one -shoulder and thoy want to shift it. He's all air yon know—breeze, you may say—aud ho freshens them up; it's a trip to the country, they say. Many a time bo's made General Grant laugh—find that's .1 tidy job, I can tell you ; and as for Sheridan, his eye lights up and he listens to Mulberry Sellers tho same as if ho was artillery. You see, the charm about Mulberry is, he is so catholic and tin prejudiced that he libs in anywhere and everywhere. Ib makes him powerful good company, and as popular aa ecandal. You go to bho White House when tho President is holding a general reception—some timo whcn'Mulberry's there. Why, dear mo, you can't toll which of thorn ib is that's holding the recopbion. * Well, he certainly 13 a remarkable man — and ho always was. Is he religious ?' ' Clear to his marrow—does more thinking and reading on that subject bhan any other, excepb Russia and Siberia ; thrashes around over the whole field, boo ; nobhing bigoted aboub him.' ' What is his religion ?' 'He—' She stopped, and was lost for a moment or bwo in thinking ; then she said, with simplicity, ' I think he was a Mohammedan or something last week.' Washington started down town, now, to biting his trunk, for the hospitable Sellers would listen to no excuses ; their bouse must be his home during the session. The Colonel returned presently and resumed work upon his plaything. Ib was finished when Washingbon gob back. 'There ib is, 1 said the Colonel, 'all finished.' ' Whab is ib for, Colonel ?' 'Oh, ibs just a trifle. Toy bo amuse tho children.' Washington examined it. ' It seems to bo a puzzle.' ' Yes, that's what ib is. I call it Pigs in the Clover. Pub thorn in—see if you can put them in tho pen.' After many failures Washington succeeded, and was as pleased as a child. 1 It's wonderfully ingenious, Colonel, it's ever so clever. And interesting—why, I could play with it all day. What aro you going to do with it ?' ' 0!i, nothing. Patonb ib and throw ib aside.' ' Don'b do anything of bhe kind. There's money ir- that thing.' A compassionate look travelled over the Colonel's countenance, and ho saiol : •Money—yes, pin monoy; a o:-uple of hundred thousand, perhaps. Nob mi.ro.' W .sliiufrton'a eye. blazed. 'Acouplo of hundred bhousand dollar.-.! Do you call that [fin money ?' The C .lonel rose and tip-toed his way across tiio room, c!o..cd a door that, was slightly ajar, tip toed his way to his seat again, arid said, under his breath — 1 You can keep a ;-oci'o',?' Wa'd.itiyton nodded his affirmative ; ho wa? too awed to speak. ' \\,u havo heard of materialisation — materialisation of departed spirits ':' Washington had, heard of it. 'And probably olidn't believe in it; and quite too. The thing ns practised by ignorant, charlatans is utiw.jrtby of attention or respect—whore there's v dim light ai.da dark cabinet, and a parcel of ssniimei.bal grills gathered together, with their faith and their shudders, and their tears all ready, and one and tho same fatty de .■c'.-er-itioii of protoplasm ami humbug como-- out and mat-, rialiscs hiuiso'f into anybody yon want, grandmother, grandchild, brot.hor-in-iaw, Witch of Eridor, John Milton, Siamese twins, Peter tho Great, and all such frantic nonsense—no, that is oil foolish and pitiful. Put when n man that is competent brings the vast power of scii-m-y. to boar, it'ti a oii'Terorib matter, a totally ditfcrotit matter, you sec. Tho sceptre thab answers that call has come to stay. Do you rate tiio commercial value of thab detail ?' • Well, I—bbc—bite truth is, that I don't .nit.o know that I do. Do joti moan that sr.ch, being porma.ocnt, not transitory, would givo more general satisfaction, and so enhance the price of. tickets to the show—' ! 'Show? Polly—listen tome; and get a good grip on your breath, for you are go- | ing to need it. Within three 4ays I shall I have complcbed my method, and then—let j tho world stand aghast-, for it shall see I marvels. Washington, within three days j —ten nr. bho outride—you shall soo 1110 call | tho dead of any century, ami bhey will I arise and vvaik. Walk ?—they shall walk j for ever, and never die again. Walk with I &U the inusclo and spring of their pristine I vigour.' ! ' Colonel ! Indeed, it does take one's 1 breath away.' j ' x'v.vv do you see tho money that's in j it ?' I ' I'm—well, I'm—i,ob really sure thab I Mo.' j 'Groat Scott, look here. I shall have a I in'inopoh' ; they'll all belong to mo, won't ! thoy? Tu-'.- thousand policc-niei, io tho city i of Now York. Wages, four dollar* a day | I'll replace thorn with dead ones at half the i money.' ; 'Oh, prodigious! I never (..bought of j that. F—o—ll—r thousand dollars a day. Now I do begin to see ! Put will dead ! policemen answer ?' j ' Haven't bhey— tip to this time ?' ' Well, if you put ib that way—' 'Put it, any way you wanb to. Modify ib to suit yourself, and my lads shall stib bo superior. They \ypii'b out, bhey won'b drink—don'b need tißose things ; they won't wink for cash at gambling dens'.and unlicensed rum-boles ; tfioy won't spark the scullery maids ; and m ->reovcr the bunds of tough.? that ambuscade them or. looeiy boats nnoi cowardly shoot iu,d kuifo them will oi.iv damago the uniforms, and not live ho,;; enough to gob more than a mo.metiS-.irv satistnctioi; oub of that.' ' Why, Colonel, if you, cur, furnish policemen, then of couivo--—' ' C.-rfuioiy ; I ran fiirni.vh any lino of rood.-' : hat,'.-: v.-aittod. Take tho army, for 1 iiis - t?iriO!.--m>u' liven-.y-oye '.lion .1,10! men ; .expense, t.voi-t v . vr • million, a year. I wiil die- up the Unmans. I wiil re,-nrreet the Gtcc-k- ; I will Ini',nah brio Government, for ton millions a year, ten thousand veterans | ,!ra'.vi 1 from the victorious legions of all tho ! '.■'.-.•.. —.-'-l-.'iers thai; will .!in»o Indians year | io ami j0...* oi.lt oa materialised io.i'se., and cost never a cent, for ml ions or re pair.-. Tho armio-r. of cof.b bwo billions a year 1.0-.v ; I will ropf.-ico them all for a biliii-n. .1 will dig up bho (rained statesmen j of all a„... and all climes, and furnish lhi-3 country with a that knows enough to come in out of the oaio—a thint; that's 'iK.v.:i - h;o peacd yet, since the- Doclaration : 0. Judo-p.ndc.ice, and tiover void happen till th...c practically dead people aro repine.?.;', with 6|-,o ffonuifio article. I will roabock tho thr-juea of Europe with tho heab

brains and the besb morals bhab all bhe royal sepulchres of all bhe centuries can furnish—which isn'b promising very much —and I'll divide bhe wages and the civil list, fair and square, merely taking my half and—' 'Colonel, if tho half of this is true, there's millions in it—millions.' 'Billions in it—billions; that's what ! yon mean. Why, look here ; the thing is so close at hand, so imminent, so absolutely immediate, bhab if a man were to come to me now and say, "Colonel, I'm a little short, and if you could lend mo a couple of billion dollars for "—come in !' This in answer to a knock. An energetic man bustled in with a big pocket-book in his hand, took a paper from it and presented it, with the curb remark — ' Seventeenth and lasb call—you wanb to oub with bhab three dollars and forty cents this timo without fail, Colonel Mulberry Sellers.' The Colonel began to slap this pocket and thab one, and feel here and there and everywhere, mubtering— 4 Whab havo I done with bhab wallet ?— leb mo see—nob here, not bhere. Oh, I must have iefb ib in the kitchen ; I'll jusb run and—' 'No you won't, you'll stay righb where you arc. And you're going bo disgorge, boo—this binie.' Washington innoconfcly offered to go and look. When ho was gono tho Colonel said : 'The fact is, I've cob bo throw myself on your indulgence jusb bhia once more, Suggs ; you see bhe remibtanco 1 was expecting—' ' Hang the remittances, it's too stale, it won'b answer. Como !' The Colonel glancod aboub hiih in despair. Then his face lighted ; he ran to the wall and begun bo dust oil a peculiarly atrocious cliromo with his handkerchief. Then ho brought ib reverently, oH'ored ib bo tho coiloctor, averted his face and said : ' Tako ib. bub don'b lob me aco ib go._ It's tho solo remaining Rembrandt that—' 'Rembrandt bo cursed : it's a cliromo.' ' Oh, don't speak of it so, I beg you. 'It's bhe only really greab original ; tho only supremo 'example of thab niighby school of art. which ——' ' Art ! Ib'3 bho sickosb-looking thing The Colonel was already bringing another horror and tondorly dusting ib. ' Tako this one too—tho gem of my collection—tho only genuine Fra Ar.golico thab—' ' Illuminated liver-pud, that's what lb is. (live ib here. Good-day—people will think I've robbed a nig.',or harbor shop.' As ho slammed the door behind him the Colonel shouted with an ntiguishod accent : ' Do please cover thorn up--don't lot tho damp gcb at bhem. Tho doiieato tints in tho Angelico—' Bub the man was gone. Washingbon re-appeared arid said he had looked everywhoro, and so hud Mis Sellers and tho servants, but in vain, and went on to say ho wished ho could got his eyo on a certain man about this time, no noed to hunt up that pockot-book then. The Colonel's interest was awake ub 0111.0. ' Whab man. 'One-armed Pebe, bhey call him oub there —oub in the Cherokee country 1 mean. Robbed the bank in Tahlcquah.' ' Do they havo banks in Tahlcquah 7' ' Yos— a bank, any way. lie was suspected of robbing it. Whoever did it !..<-''• away with more than twenty thousand dollars. Thoy. oilored a reward of five thousand. I believe I saw that very man, on my way east.' ' No—is that so?' ' I certainly .an- a man on the train, tho first day I struck tho railroad, that answered the description pretty exactly—nt least ns to clothes and a Uu-hing arm.' * Why didn't you get biui arrested and claim tiro reward ?' ' i couldn't. I had. to (jot a requisition v.f course. Bub I mount to stay by him till I nob mv chance.' 'Well. ' Well, he lefb tho brain during bho night somo binie.' ' Oh. hang it, that's too bad.' ' Nob so very bad, cither.' 'Why?' ' KocaufO he came down to Baltimore in the very train 1 was in, though 1. didn't know it in time. A. wo moved out of tho station i. saw him eotn'. 'ov/ard the ir-.-n gate with v sntcficl in his hand.' 'Good. We'll catch him. Let's lay a plar..' ' Send a description to the Baltimore police : ' Why, whab are you talking about ? No. IX; you waitt them to get the reward ':' ' Whnfc _di-.1l we do, then 7' Tho Colonel reflected. ' I'll toll you. Put a personal in tho Baltimore " Sun." Word it iikeithis : ' "A. Dl'lOl' ME A LINE, PETE-" ' Hold ori. Which <_nn has ho lost?' 'The right.' 'Good. Now thou— '"A. DKOP MB A LINE, PETE. EVEN IF YOU HAVE to write with your loft hand. Address, ' X. V.'A.,' General Posb Ollico, Washington.—From YOU KNOW WHO." ' There, that'll fetch him.' ' But ho won't know who, will ho ?' 'No, bub he'll wanb to know, won'b ho?' ' Why, cert;.inly. I didn't think of that. What made you think of it: ?' ' Kwowlelgoof human curiosity. Strong trait, very strong trait.' ' Now, I'll iso\o my room and write it out and enclose a dollar and tell them to print ib to tho worth of that.' CHAPTER IV. Tin: -.lay wore itself out. After dinner tbe two. friends put in a long, hartti'snig evening trying to docido what to Jo with tho five thorn-arm dollars reward which thoy were going to get when bhey should find Ono-AriT.ed Pete and catch him. and prove him to bo the right person, ,-md extradite him, a*") -"hip him to Tal.loquah ir. tho Indian Territory. But thoro wore so many dazzline openings for ready cash that they found it impossible to make up thoir minds ami keep them made up. Finally, Mrs Sellers grew very weary of it nil and said : ' What, is tho souse in cooking a rabbit before its can::lit?' Then the matter was dropped for the time bcim., and a.l went to bed. Nexb mornii*..r, being persuaded by Hawkins, bho C'Jmicl made drawings and kpr-cificafcionH and went down and applied for .*. p.".font for liia toy nu_?.!e, and . luwk.n. took tho toy itself Mii'd started oub to see v.h..b chance there might be to do .••omefhine with it com'.noi'eiallv. fie did not have to co far. In a small old wooden shanty which had onco been occur iod an a dwelling by some binnbli. "Cirri) family bo font,, 1 a l;ocn-ov-:d , Yankoo enga.cd in repairing cheap chair* j ami other second-hand furniture. This 1 man ex.imi">od tho toy indili'.n.r.tly ; .-litem p ted to do iho poz/'o : f.",und it nob j so '..-isy as ho had ox period ; (.pew more in-to.-os - led, and finally emphatic ,!!y so ; j ac'.ievd a success afc last, and ..-.lood— j 'T. it parent.-.! ?' ! 'Patent, -mafic ' for.' j 'That, will answer. Whab do you want j for it?" ' j ' What wi'l ib ret...i! for?' j 'Well, twenty-, vo cent. . I_.iouM think.'j 'What will you give fin' the e.ehiMve ] ri.ht?' j • I couldn't give twenty dollars, if I had 1 fn pay cadi down ; b.'t I'll toil yon what i Til do. I'll tuako it, out and mark ib, and j pay yon five ci'/;(.i-i royal by o:: each one' j .Va'-'hin_i..-,n sighed. .:\;ioU:'.:-_ dream j disappeared ' !1 ° monoy in tho thing. So | he 1-aid— j 'All right, take ib at that. Bra w me a pn por.' _ lie wont his nay \vd.n foe paper, r.un dropped -i'? mal ""-'*" ol!li o! " ''.'"" m,,; '" ! "~- dioppod it out to uualre room for fuither

abbempts to think oub the most promising way to invest bis half of the reward, in case a partnership investment satisfactory to both beneficiaries could nob be hit upon. lie b.ui nob been very long at borne when .Sellers arrived sodden wibh grief and booming with glad excitement—working both these emotions successfully, somotiinos separately, sometimes together. _ He fell on Hawkins' neck sobbing, arid said— 'Oh, mourn with me, my friend, mourn for my'desolate 1* ~use ; death has smitten my lasb kinsman arid I am Earl of Rossmore—congratulate me !' He turned to his wife, who had entered while this was going on, pub his arms aboub her and said, ' You will bear up, for my sal.c, my lady—ib had to happen, ib was decreed.' She bore up very well and said : ! ' It's no great loss. Simon Lathers was a poor well-meaning useless thing and no I aocounb, and his brother never was worth shucks.' i Ilie rightful lear continued : j ' I am too much prostrated by these con- ! flicting griefs and joys to be able bo concentrate my mind upon affairs ; 1 will ask our good friend here bo break tho news by .-wire or post to tho Lady Gwendolen and instruct her to—' ' What Lady Gwendolen ?' ' Our poor daughber, who, alas ! — ' Sally Sellers ? Mulberry Seflors, are-you losing your mind ?' ' There—pleuso do nob forgeb who you are, and who I am ; remember your own dignity, bo considerate also of mine. It wore best to cease from using my family name, now, Lady Ko.si.moro.' •'Goodness gracious, woll I never ! What am I to call you, then ?' ' In private, tho ordinary terms of endearment will still bo admissible bo somo dogroo ; bub in public it will bo more becoming if your ladyship will spoak to mo ns my Lord, ur your Lordship, and of mo as Possmore, or tho Earl, or his Lordship, and—' ' OL peat! 1 can't ever do it, Berry.' ' lit* indued you must, my love —wo must live up to oar altered position and submit wibh whab gi'ice wo may to its recpiircments.' ' Weil, all right ; have ib your own way. I've never sob my wi. hos against your commands yeb, Mul—-my lord, ate! it's lute to begin now, though to my mind its tbe rotfenost foolishness that ever was.' ' Spoken liko my own truo wifo ! There, kiss and bo friends again.' ' Pub—Gwendolen ! 1 don'b know how I am over going to stand that name. Why, a body wouldn't know Sally Sellers in it. It's too large for her ; kind of like a chorub in an ulster ; and it's a most outlandish sort of a riiimo', .any way, to my mind.' * You'll nob hear her find fault with it, my lady.' ' That's a truo word, fiho take.", to any kind of romantic rubbish like she was born to it. She never gob it from mo, that's sure. Ami sending her to that silly collcgo hasn't helped bho matter any—jusb tho other way.' 'Now hear tier, Hawkins! Rowona, Ivanhoo College is the solectest and most ari-focrelic .eat of learning for young Indie, in our conn try. Under no cireum- . tnnco. can a girl gob in there unless she is ojit hor v. rv rich and ,'asliionablu or can prove, four .feneration-, of what, may be called. A morienri nobility. C '.--'.oil-ited col lego buildings, towers and turrets and an imitation nio.it, and everything about tho placo named out of Sir Walter Seoto's h"o!:.-_ and rod,.!, ni of royal y and state and . ty!e, and all tho richest girL. koop pl.aotot.a and coachmen in livery, and rid.rig hor-' :-, with Htigli.-h grooms in plug hols and tight-biu toned coats and too i-oo'-s and ;t v. hip-h,-,,,..!],. v/it limit ;u,y whir, iii il, to ride rdxty-.h.e'O feet, behind them- - ' 'And thoy don't learn a blessed thing, Washington Hawkins, nob a single bio. •>.■_, l thing bub .showy rubbish and un-Aniorican pretc'titi.'.mne.-.-. P..f, so* d for tho lady Gwendolen—do ; furl reckon the peerage rcgulat'.'iir- require that- she must, come homo and lob on to go inln seclusion and mourn for lho«o Arkansas blatherskites she's 10-d.' ' My darling ! Blatherskites ".' Pomcmber .'V.c..... ~../>•.' ' Tl'.aro, there — i..ik to mo in your tongue, Ilo'-s—you don't know any other, and you only botch it. when you try. . Oh, don't, star?, i* wti? a f>ip, and no crime ; cm-toms of v lifetime can't Iv.. .hopped in a second, ilo-smoro—tin re, now bo appt.i. . d, am! go along with yen and nf'.eo.l to. Idw end olen. Are yon going to write, Washington, or tomgraoh ''' 1 Vie. will telegraph, dear.' ' 1 thought as n.itieh,' my lady muttered, ns "ho left' ti.c room. 'Wants ib so tho address will bavo to ~nnr-;,i- on ihoenvelope, lb v. ill jit. t make a tool of that, child. She'll got it, of conr.-e, for if there aro- any other SoHerses l-lioro bhey'll not bo a bio to claim it. And jusb leave her alone bo show it around and make tho most of it. Well, may bo she's forgivable for that. Sbo's so porn* and they're so rich; of eotir.o sbo'.-. had her share of snubs from the livery-flunkey port,.anil J reckon it's only human to warrt to get, oven.' Undo Dan'i was sent wibh bhe telegram : for although n conspicuous object, in a cornet* of tho drawing-room was a telephone hanging on a transmitter, Washington found all utrompts to raise tho central olfieo vain. The o'ohmu'igritiii bled.something about it's being ' ahrana out of order when you'vo particular and especial use for it-,' bub bo didn't o - .plain thab ono of tho reasons for this was that the thing vras only a dummy, and haoln't any wires attached to ib. And yet the Colonel often of cd it, when visitors were present, and seemed to gob messages through ib. Mourning paper and a seal wero ordered, bhon iho friends took a rest. Next, afternoon, while Hawkins, by rcriui.'st, draped Andrew Jackson's portrait with crapo, tho rightful earl wrote of tho f.-.-iniiy bereavement, to f he. usurper in Eii.g'latid—a lob'or which we have already rend, lie also by letter to Ihe viilago authorities at Pully's Corner, Arkansas, guve order that the remains of tho lato twins be embalmed by some St. Louis expert, and ."hipped at onco to tho usurper, with bill. 'LHiori he drala.*d out the Possmore arms ami motto or. a great, sheet of brown patier, aiv! ho and Hawkins took it to Pawl-ins' Yaakeo iuriiit'ire-monder, and at tho end of an hoiy came btn.k witli a couple of storming hatchments, which they nailed up on tho front of, the house—obi-onei ions calculated to draw, rind they did; fin* it was mainly no idh. and shift ioss negro neighbourhood, wild, ploniy of ragged children and indolent dogs to spare for a point of interest like bhab, and keep on .-paring bhem lor it, days and days together. The new i".ri found—without sorpri.-c— this society ito-m in the evening paper, and c ,ui ib out. and scrap-booked ib : ' I'.y a recent horeavenir.-n.. our esteemed follow oilizen, Cohme! .Mulberry Sellers, Perpetual Member-.b-.'/.rgo of the Plploiiiabie !>ody, succeed:-:, as rig'htl'nl lord, to the grout earldom of Po=s..un*e, third by order of pioeedenee in too eiivldoms of Great, Britain, and v, ill takoearly measures, by siiit: in tho Mouse of Lords, to wrest the titles and c-tntes *"-'<> m '.ho pre. cmb usurping hohler of them. Until the season of mourning is past, foe i-.--i.-i! 'i'lmrsdav evening reception* at, 1P,.-:.-mono Towists wiil be oiisoonf iniied.' Lady Pes. moie's comment—to herself : *Peo«p:io.. ! Poo V*. who won't, rightly know him may thiti'a he is .'.ommotipkK.'.:, bol lo mv nam! i.-o ; ;i one ,-f [lie n:(i,-t unusual men 1 nviT ■'•!«'. A- for suddenness and capacity in imagining thing;, his bent dona evisa I reckon. As Hire as not it woul-iti'f. havo oc.-nrrod to a:: - , boOy cl.-c to name bids poor old rab-tiap 11-smor. Tower., bubibjiot; comes natural ..> him. 'Vol', no iii.i:bl. it's a blessed tliim. i.-'.havi. an imagination that can aiwuya mukt3 you

satisfied, no matter how you are fixed. Uncle Dave Hopkins used to always say, " Turn ms into John Calvin, and I want to know which placo I'm going to ; tunjj me into Mulberry Sellers and i don't care.'

The rightful earl's comment—to himself

' It's a beautiful name, beautiful. Pity I didn't think of ib before I wrote the usurper. Bub I'll be ready for him when he answers.'

(To he Continued.)