RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXII, Issue 32, 7 February 1891, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

VIA'- %&f- %

£ome write, a neighbour's name to lash. Some write- vain thought! for needful cash. Some write to please the country clash, And raise a din. Forme, an aim I never fash— I write for fun.

The tendency with us for the last year or two has been strong in the direction of economy, and what we are pleased to call drastic retrenchment, and ib is not ab all surprising thab in the end the wave has swept over the Church. Again and again we have heard that sixpenny contributions have degenerated into paltry threepenny bits, and the revenues cf <--he various churches havo accordingly suffered even to a greater extent than those of the theatres. The times have been evil ones, and more than one church has carried on operations under very awkward conditions. It is nob very consistent to preach the doctrine, " Owe no man anything," and to find ab the same time that the clergyman has been waiting six months for the balance of his last year's stipend, or that the organist has been sued for his bread account because the church could nob afford to pay up. These are things that have their existence io sober facb, but the times are hard and it cannot be helped.

In this connection my sympathies have boon aroused on behalf of those muchmalisned people, tho parishioners of St. Matthew's. They, too, have felt the pinch of the shoe, and finding economy necessary, why should they be blamed if they prefer cheap religion to cheap butter ? Their conclusions are fair enough. It does nob matter who or what occupies the pulpit so long as they put in an appearance in tho family pew ab each service, conbribute a threepenny bit to the collection and look smug and respectable. They havo been to church, they have joined in the worship of the Almighty, sung with energy and prayed wibh unction, and what more should be required of them ? Nothing, my dear friends, nothing; you have done much, and you are fairly entitled to rank as good churchmen.

I really sympathise with my friends of St. Matthew's. When they can dosomuch to work out their own saltation, it is too much, in hard times like these, to expecb them to give of their substance for the maintenance of clergymen and churches. There are people who give liberally, bub they perhaps can spare ib, or maybe they do not live such good lives as our friends of St. Matthew's. Besides on such magnificent salaries as £300 per annum, clergymen might become wealthy and too independent to discharge their duties. The danger is very considerable, and it is well that the people of St. Matthew's have exercised the necessary forethought. After all, £200 per annum is a nice living for a clergyman. Many junior clerks do not get more, and if the next clergyman of St. Matthew's is nob too proud he may help his salary along by making the children's clothes, and doing an occasional bit of copying at sixpence an hour for his lawyer friends. Of course hehasacortainposition in society to keepup; poor people go to him for help, and he is put to a good deal of incidental expense. These, however, are mere matters of detail. St. Matthew's people, with £17,000 behind them for the erection of a stone church, have decided to make an experiment in the matter of cheap religion, and more power to them. Bub I have a suggestion to make. Let them go back somewhat in the history of Christianity, set up an idol in their sanctuary, and, lo and behold ! they will have saved their blessed £200 per annum, and the problem of cheap religion will be Bolved !

Now thab the Janob Achurch Company is far across the sea, I shall not be violating the confidence of genial " Punch " Flemming if I repeat a story which the clever young actor and advance agent was never tired of telling wibh infinite gusto. When the " Doll's House " was firsb produced in this colony ib did nob quite catch on. The Southern blood was too coolly practical for the turbid sensationalism of Ibsen. But after the second night a virulent letter signed " Presbyter " appeared in the local evening paper stating that the piece was one no decent woman ought to go to see. Naturally, nexb performance bho theatre was packed to the very doors—mainly with ladies, too. After the play a party of merry souls carted theall-popular Flemming off to the club. Here he was introduced to a Presbyterian, who after a glass of wine took the actor on one side and said how very sorry he felt after seeing the piece a second time for having written the virulent, trenchant letter in the paper. " You wrote the letter ?" queried Flemming, startled. " Yes, my dearsir.but I do assure you lam mosb heartily sorry." " You may imagine how I stared at this vainglorious old Idiot," said Flemming, "when I tell you I wrote the letter myself." There is another story of a lebter signed "Church of England " in an Auckland paper almost as good, bub we would spare bhe blushos of our bownsmen.

There are tricks in every trade, and even a retrenching Government musb resorb to some. We have all heard or read the complaints anent the gumless stamps thab won't stick to letters ab any price. No doubb the Government saving in gum ha« been immense, but is there not another and huge source of revenue in these gumless stamps ? The receipts of" fines from unpaid letters have during tho past year been something fabulous. Also the number of lettera received by people from friends who do not u«ually have their letters unstamped has been enormous. Now, the stamps wont stick to the letters. They drop off in the box, and then of course bhe epistle is fined as being stampless. Of course " Zamiel would not for a moment accuse the Government officials of seeing an easy road to revenue in this cause and effect, but putting two and two together it does seem a little funny, doesn't it ?

Babies are nice enough in their way, but Dob in other people's ways, because the ways ot babies are not our ways. Although their ways might have been our ways once, that's too lone? ago to have any weight in the weighty matter which I have been weighing in my mind. Babies' ways are nob appreciated at tho theatre or concertTOom, but their mothers persist in bringing them there, although they know that tfie probability is ten to one thab the baby will X to be taken away before the performance is half over. Once « • W a baby is tolerated in church, and thab is ab the "christening ceremony,,butt.oftenrag it's a perfect nuisance within the sacied precincts and is calculated to make the Fond parents badly "put away, "as the ib ~£' j«g wedding which book place ab bhe Jewwn SvnagoSuo one afternoon thuJ*eek «d yeb there were one, two, or more there all

through the ceremony, while others, fortunately, were " crowded out," These babies would have their own way, too, and they wanted to dictate how the ceremony should be conducted, so that ib musb have been terribly annoying to the bride and bridegroom to realise at this very early stage of matrimonial bliss some of the joys of matrimony in practical experience. If babies will persist in coming to weddings, I must still remain a bachelor, for babies' ways confuse me, you know.

The cablegram columns of our daily newspapers contain some interesting news occasionally, and to a diligent student ol this department of our diurnal pabulum of the world's intelligence the assertions, counter-assertions, and contradictions of current news made, must often appear mosb bewildering. When we are nob posted up in the ? iteefc news regarding the health and meet- nents of titled nonentibies, or labour delegates, we are having a little change of air, as ib were, in contemplating the wickedness of South American States that will l , re volute and will shoot their presidents. But we are never sure of anything. If a cable message to-day publishes the fact that so-and-so has killed himself or run oil with some ono else's wife, to-morrow tho assertion is sure to be emphatically contradicted, as certain as my name is " Zamiel." You can't swear by tho cablegrams— hardly. A few days ago we were notified by cable thab His High Mightiness tha Ai—per of Afghanistan had shuiiled off this mortal coil, and was gone where all good Afghans go. This was an opportunity for the papers to publish long obituary notices of the deoeased Ameer, and tor much speculation as to the future destinies of his dewoted country. But ho wasn't dead. A couple of days later the cable man calmly informed us that tho old man was still alive and kicking—in the words of the wire :—" The report thab bho Amoerisdead proves to be without foundation." We are used to that sort of thing now, however, and we don'b mind cable messages so much. The electric wire is blamed for a lot of things, but tho man who sits ab the other end is 1 .sponsible for more. What a splendid staff of embryo novelists the Press Association people must have !

Ib is rather '.strange to hear that the annual Regatta did nob much more than pay ibs way, finianeially speaking, when I call to mind the enormous crowd of people that assembled on the flagship. Tho steamer Te Anau, which, was at the service of the Regatta Committee in bhat capacity, had almost every* available foot of standing room occupied 'by the swarm of people who can. ■ off from tho shore, and ab a rough calculation I estimated that as the price of tickets was 2s 6d each the return would indeed be a handsome one. Imagine then my surprise when I learned that the money obtained by the sale of tickets was represented by something under £40, or one ticket each to 320 people. Why there must have been between bwo and three thousand on the flagship at least, probably a thousand more, and, except the three hundred odd, this vast multitude had " subscribers' " tickets. I don't know enough to go into the matter minutely, but I know that 2,000 tickets ab 2s 6d each is £250, and that vary little more than thab would clear bhe whole of bhe expenses. The poinb is, if all the subscribers geb tho full value of their subscriptions in tickets, why are not the whole of the tickets sold straight out and so averb this povertystricken attitude that has to be assumed by the Committee every year in pursuance of tho inevitable canvassing for subscriptions ? As a matter of fact, some of tho best subscribers do nob ask or expecb tickets in exchange for their donations, bub there are others who do expecb, and bako bhe full value of bheir money in fiag-s>hip tickets, evidently believing that ib is quite as " blessed to receive as to give." *** * * *

Singing men are generally men wibh distinct failings. The fortunate possessors of decent tenor or baritone voices are usually vain ; basses are rather better, but even they are inclined to put on " frill." But on the singing and so-called musical young men of the Auckland Choral Society sing ing appears to have an even more pronounced effect. It destroys their manners. The chivalry and politeness due to all women, even amateur vocalists, are wanting in the young men of the Choral Society. I was at the rehearsal the other night, and it was there I saw the sighb which induces me to make the broad statement that the sooner the young men of the chorus go to a school for manners, the better. No sooner did the bell for the end go, than all the men pushed past bhe ladies and crushed oub first, Ib has always been my idea that the ladies were allowed to go first at all times, but the Choral gentlemen think otherwise. The same thing happens in the interval. A lady complained on one occasion, and was told it was to get their tea ready for them the gentlemen made tho rush. Bub this was too thin ; the tea is got for one or two sweethearts, but the wives, sisters, cousins and aunts have to forage for themeelveß.