New Cure for the Toothache.

Auckland Star, Volume XXI, Issue 32, 8 February 1890, Page 3 (Supplement)

New Cure for the Toothache.

There wero five men of ns and three women, besides the driver, who was staging it between two towns in Kansas, says a writer in the New York 'Sun.' We set out at seven o'clock in the morning for an all-day's ride, and had not made over two miles when the oldest man in the crowd, who was from the Nutmeg State, and built on Yankee principles, suddenly exclaimed — ' By gosh to squash 1' * What's up ?' asked one of the lot. * The toothache 1 She's hit me in that 'ere lower double tooth, and I'm in for a bushel of trouble.'

' Just try and not think of it,' suggested one of the women. ' Keep your thoughts on your family.' He tried ib two or three minutes, and a smile of affection came bo his face. Ib suddenly died away, however, to bo replaced by a look of ferocity as he yelled out: 'Hang my family, but it don'b work! Has anybody got any camphor?' Nobody had. We hadn't even a drop of whisky. One man had some tobacco, bub the Yankee couldn't go it. The ache, once started, grew worse, and as he began groaning a second woman suggested : 'I've heard say as imagination has all to do with pains. Suppose you imagine you are sound asleep and dreaming of angels and such.'

He tried it, and for a minute or two the ache let up. Then it struck him with a jump, and he seized his jaw and yelled— ' Jerusha Jackson! but I'll be gau durned if I han't going to die right here ! Driyer, stop the waggon !' It was stopped, and he wanted to know how far it was to a town. He was told thab ib was twenty miles, and he fetched a groan a rod long and said— 'It's got to be done ! Driver, come down here!'

' Whab do you wanb?' 'You'vegob to knock ib out! You are the biggest man in bhe lot, and I guess you can hit a purty fair blow. Give me a lifter right here on the jaw.' ' Do you mean it?'

' Sartin, and don't waste any more time. Spit on yer hand, haul off, and sock me one right on that tooth. I wanb it knocked into a cocked hat.'

'Bub you will go with it.'

* Can't help thab. JNow, imagine that I've called you a double-barrelled liar, and whale away.'

The driver drew back and then landed on the exact spot, and the Yankee tumbled bead over heels in the grass. He was up in a minute, however, and he put his thumb and finger into his mouth and pulled out two teeth and shouted—

' Whoop ! It's one extra, but that's all right! Sheake, old man, and then drive on wibh the band waggon ! We — whoop ! Toothache gone — pain gone — happiness come to stay ! Here's a dollar, and if you want to brag around about knocking a feller fourteen feet I won't say a word!'