The Photograph Album.

Auckland Star, Volume XX, Issue 285, 30 November 1889, Page 3 (Supplement)

The Photograph Album.

' Oh, yes,' I said, ' I always enjoyed looking afc photographs.' She was a serious sort of woman, Mrs Squaretop. She handed me the album to look over until her husband came in.

I am a man accustomed to family photo: graph albums. You can't fool me on bhem. I know bhem by name and sight. Pa, and ma, and that's grandpa, and that's grands ma, and here's Uncle George, and thab iB an aunb of pa's—-she's very wealthy and has no children, and pa is her favourite nephew ; and this is a young lady I went to school with, and this is brother Henry, and this is cousin Sue, and this is aunt Hetties baby, and this is a young man Henry wenb to School with, and —do you know who this is ? I know, juslf where the family ends and tbe strangers hie in.

So I praised everybody's ugly, flat, expressionless, staring, stupid face in Mrs Squaretop's alburn^ aiid I hit everything all right on the first and second quarter, and was coming along splendidly, and drew up on the strangers. ' And who,' I asked, airily, *is the placid old female?'

* That was Mr Squaretop's mother,' Mrs Squaretop said, half smiling., And I felfc elated. I laughed, and said—

' This old boy had been blown up in a powder mill. Did his friends know that he contemplated this photograph ?' That was her father's cousin, who was very dear to her. *It has always been considered by good judges an excellent picture.' Sho said ib again," md""with *<____.-

phasis. I next found a * pirate* stricken wifch remorse,' which proved to be her half-brother, whom she loved more dearly than any of her own brothers, and then I lingered a little while over tho angelic face on the opposite page. ' Ah, there was a face for a man to.love. There was a countenance to shine in a man's home and his heart like sunlighb— ah-h!'

It was Mr Squaretop's first wife! Thon I went at it again, and tried to check the falling thermometer by saying thab bhe imbecile wibh bhe curly hair would look less like an ass if he had simply had his hab photographed, as that was evidently what he had borrowed the silk tie for, but as the imbecile was Mrs Squaretop's dearest cousin, it was a failure, and I settled down for a final effort on 'the pquaP with the smut nose, and wondered if he had as many brains as he had freckles and buttons, adding that it waf marvellous how awfully black red hair took in a photograph. It was Mr Squaretop's eldest son, and I was greatly relieved by the opportune entrance of Mr Squaretop, sen. I waited for an introduction. ' This is Mr—ah'—she said. ' Featherley,' I prompted, bowing. ' Leatherhoad,' she accepted, sweetly ; ' he came to look at the two rooms, but I think they will hardly suit.' I didn't want them to think I was running away or was frightened, and so I sauntered down the road after I had said good-.bye, with slow motions, but taking awful strides.