RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XX, Issue 171, 20 July 1889, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

I 4- — 7 [By Zamiel.] A.

' Some write, a neighbour's name to la3h, Some write—vain thought! for needless cash, Some write to please the country clash, And raise a din. I For me, an aim I never fash — fi I write for fun. The newspaper man is ever prone to indulge in criticism of the weaknesses and failings of others, and theiefore it is in the eternal fitness of things that occasionally he himself should be subjected to the roasting process. Ifc is indeed the only satisfaction that those who are outside th c privileged circlo can get as a solatium 'for fche occasional crack of fche editorial whip over their devoted heads, and Why then should they not make the most of the gratification thus afforded them ? Under these circumstances, I am sure my readers will af_ree with me fchafc the discussion afc the Abhemeum the other night on " those- dreadful newspapers and newspaper men " was a very laudable and proper one; Ib was certainly very interesting, and ib need not surprise, anyone if I add bhab the mi-: pression left on the mind of the disinterested listener was that newspapers were necessary evils of the presenb age, and thab bhey comprised a minimum of good and a maximum of bad. *** * * * -5:- * * There was much that was amusing in the discussion, and bhe ludicrous element was occasionally introduced. Each speaker made no secret of the facb thab he considered his newspaper should be compiled for his special delectation and benefit, thab ib should givo prominence only to those matters in which he is interested, that tbeeditorialopinkms should be moulded to suit his own particular views, and that everything of which he did not approve or which did nob commend itself to his immaculate tasbo should be eliminated. Thesevery necessary improvemenbeeiiected, there is every reason to believe thab the newspaper woald commend itself to the condescending approval of some of fche members of the Auckland Athemeum. The aim is a very lofty one, and possibly it might be achieved, bub is ifc really worth the candle ? If the thirty or forty members of the Auckland Afchcnteum were satisfied to-morrow, is ib nob probable bhab the obher twenty or thirty thousand readers of the paper would unite in a loud protest againsb the new order of things? If I were fco mention the improvements in the class of reading matter that were suggested the other. night, I am satisfied those of my readers who understand the difficulty of catering for the public taste in the matter of newspaper literature would laugh consuraedly. * * * -::- * ■::• * * * Nor is" there any reasonable ground for supposing that it would be possible bo compile a newspaper to satisfy the divers and conflicting tastes of the savants of the Auckland Afchenceum ? The two gentleman who warmed up so excitedly on the vexed question of the " Times ' : and Charles Parnell furnished a striking exemplification of the danger of introducing such a fruitful source of discord as Irish politics. Then again, one speaker animadverted on the error of supposing thafc people read leading articles; another was severe on fche culpability of newspapers in publishing sporting news ; a third urged the extermination of the übiquitous interviewer ; a fourth waxed eloquent against the moral and spiritual demoralisation consequent upon indulgence in the game of football, and thought the newspapers to blame for publishing reports of the matches ; while finally one gentleman found fault wifch his serial tale, wholly unmindful of the fact that this column of a newspaper is the special privilege and delight of the ladies. If the wishes of all fche speakers were obeyed, I am afraid fche newapapers would have to be issued as plain white sheets. Much was said of what should be omitted from the newspapers, and the o;dy suggestion made with a view to replace the matter to which exception was taken, was that longer reports of the Auckland Athenaeum should be published. *** * * ** * * Indeed, ono gentleman's ire against the unregenerafce newspaper man was very great on the score that football matches received greaber prominence bhan bhe meebings of the Auckland Athenamm, and he looked upon this as an evidence of the demoralising tendencies of the age. My friend has instituted a comparison, and 1 trust he will excuse me if I carry it to a logical conclusion. A newspaper seeks to give greater prominence fco those matters which interest the larger section of fche community. Now, a lecture upon such an interesting subject as newspapers did nofc succeed in attracting more than thirty listeners to fche meeting of the Abnenffium, and yeb every Saturday we find bebween one thousand and two thousand of our youth baking parb in football matches in the city and suburbs, while amongst the crowd of well-dressed spectators of both sexes and all age 3, every week may be seen numbers of men who are recognised leaders of Christian thoughb and teachers of religious principles. Are the pleasures and tastes of all these people to receive no recognition or attention at bhe hands of bheir. newspapers ? The comparison speaks for ibself, and so far as the unfair charges againsb the game of foobball are concerned, I am satislied thab if they were made in the hearing of Rev. J. S. Hill or some other doughty champion of muscular Christianity, they would be effectually answered. * # -«• * * * * '■-- - ; -- Probably bhe mosb ludicrous phase of bhe discussion lay in the treatment of the terrible editorial " we." Most of my readers have visited a menagerie, and watched the bravado wifch which the small boys have stirred ud the lion, and then started back in "trembling affright when they heard the roar of the animal caged within. The simile is not an map t one. Ifc was diverting bo listen bo the members assuring each other how little they cared for the terrors of bhe editorial?" we," bhab ifc was the utterance of only one man, and thafc»man a Bimple mortal like themselves. ' "Mefchinks bhey did protest too much" after all, for there are very few men in any country who are not susceptible, and I fear very susceptible, to newspaper criticism. Ab all events, I am convinced of one tiling, and that is, thafc a newspaper produced by the united efforts of the Auckland Athenaeum would be a literary curiosity. I would not care to guarantee its sale. * * • * -;:- * * *, * * A warm glow of pleasurable excitement over the late performances of "lolanthe" has been succeeded by a naturally all-round feeling of satisfaction ab ibs phenomenal success, and before forgetfulness begins bo dispossess bhese remembrances, I should like bo mention one little matter that seems to havo escaped tbe critics, and that is—in connection wibh the " gentlemanly ushers." I think they have been shamefully neglected by the press, who have showered praise on a few " puny mortals," designated principals, and lefb entirely in the cold a noble brigude of youths to whose untiring energy not a little oi the success of the opera, is to be attributed. Principals, indeed ! if these gentlemen are not to be bracketed wifch any exponents of histrionic or lyric art, then I should very much like to know what is fame. *** * * * -- ■ ■■■" * . , * * True, they had only thinking parts, bufc remember what fearful study they must bave undergone, and what there was to do,

" they did it very well." Take the artistic way in which they dressed their parts, for insbance : Insbead of the " crumpled bands and rusfcy bombazine " presumed to be inseparable from an usher's appointments, they were arrayed in immaculate linen and fashionably - cub broadclofch, and their collars — ye gods ! — they were perfect poems in starch ! ! ! .And yet this wa3 not held to be worth a solitary line of praise in the daily press ! But, stay, there is [worse behind. Being of the creme de la ' creme, ifc was only bo ba expecbed bhab these 5 gentlemanly ushers would to a certain exr tenfc favour tho.-?e moving in their own exalted circle. Bufc, no ! they scorned fche ' acbion, and treated "the lower middle . Classes" with an amounb of defer- . ence and courtesy that almosb bordered on servile sycophancy, so eager ■ were they to show thab they were nob . only gentlemen in name, bub in breeding. One evening I was so moved by bheir forei thought and condescension thafc, like the Lord Chancellor, I distinctly perceived a tear glistening in mine own eye. The , dear fellows ! And to think fchafc a cold • and calculating press should have dared to pass these curled darlings by without a crumb of praise for tho way in which they ministered to everyone's comfort. I * -s- » The uninitiated, too, would have bhought bhat, having the run ot the house, as itwere> they would have reserved some of the best seats for themselves, thafc they would at lease hare had a private box or two, and from there Would have looked down on the multitude. Bufc they did no such thing, and no matter how comfortably they mighb have been seated they always gave, up their place with .1 seraphic smile and almost pushed the spectator into a seat willy-nilly. In one instance where an ordinary tradesman received a seat and a wealth}' magnate had to stand, said I to myself, said I—"There is no class distinction here." And, dear reader, was I nefc right ? -::- * * * * « * * * And then, too, they seemed to have an intuitive knowledge thab the audience would like to be undisturbed duriaor the progaoss of any of those, morceanx wifch which the tuneful opera abounds, aad therefore there was none of thafc abominable stamping round fche house with heavy water-tights, but, on bhe other baijd, they walked round wibh noiseless step, and wifch an appearance totally devoid of self-coascionsness calculated bo appeal to the feelings of any but a stony-hearted pressman, who evidenbly saw nothing in the behaviour ol these gentlerren to enthuse upon, or to merit even a modest " local." But, notwithstanding such short-sighted policy, I am of opinion that those gentlemanly ushers are deserving of mention, and although they can enter into thespiribof bhe Lord Chancellor's lament and sing, "But never, oh, never a ono for me," when speaking of the way in which they have been slighted, still they must know thab a higher and better reward waits upon bheir efforts, and really, I'm sure, I hope they'll nob be disappointed. * * * * * * * * * Tho Government proposal to erect a State Refuge at Wellington has caused considerable comment, and well ii; might. To think of the Empire Ciby wanting more tramps, drunkards, chronic paupers and imbeciles thau it has ab presenb is quite preposterous, more especially when we remember that- they have already gofc the Legislative Council and fche heads of the Civil Service located in fche city of earthquakes, to say nothing of fche representatives sent down annually from various parts of the colony. After all, though, perhaps it's nofc .such a bad idea to congregate them all in ono centre. The possessor of the hob-nailed boots is credited with being a far-seeing man, and probably he anticipates that sometime in the future Wellington may indulge in a bigger earthquake than usual. After the lesson taught by Tarawera we may expect anything, and perhaps he has a notion that the city of State refuges mighb bhen be engulphed and thus the colony would be rid of a constantly-increasing incubus. * * * -:s- -::- * . » « Talking of the Civil Service naturally introduces the subject of red tape. We are generally led to understand bhab bhis style of bindingis particularly in favour with those connected wifch the Government. Zamiel was much impressed by an instance bhab came under his own notice recently. It occurred ab one of the Reviewers' Courts. A wifcness had to be sworn and a Bible was handed to him. It will be scarcely credited thafceven thesacred volume was bound round fore and aft with the orthodox red tape. In fact, ifc was to all intents a closed volume. Think of ifc, oh ye who periodically preach afc street corners, or send round soulstirring tracts, think of it, the Bible closed wifch Government rod tape ! It struck me, however, thafc the continuous handling of that Bibie by needy debtors in these hard times had resulted in fche thing almost falling to pieces. Consequently ib had to be tied, and of course being a Government book red tapo was fche only binding suitable. * •» * * * # * * -,f I have foundout MrVerrall. The general belief is that he has a mania, the subject of a State Bank. Nothing of the sort. It is true that he goes about button-holing people on that subject, and fchafc he brines ifc forward in fche House afc every available or unavailable opportunity. Ifc is true bhab he is bhe horror of fcho members, so much so that they will go far oub of their way fco avoid him, and fche Houso empties when he rises fco spoak ; bufc he is worse, far worse, I am afraid, than a faddist. I am almost afraid bo breathe my suspicions, but my duty to my counbry is paramount. I think he is a Jesuifc ! There ! The suspicion, j nay almosfc the certainty, came over me the ■ other day on reading in the Star fchafc he proposed to the House to levy a special education rate, and exempt Catholics from paying: it. This is simply offering each and everyone of us a bribe to join that faith ; for how long, my brothers, could you or I stand oub against a religion which gave us exemption "from rabes, especially in these hard times ? I hope that the teaching of Mr Verrall will be seen by all as I see it, and, now fchafc attention has been drawn fco bi3 real character, thab he will be carefully watched. He may even turn out to belong to fche Clan-na-Gael. * * * * * * * «- * Veneration for family heirlooms is a pardonable weakness. Still, at times even this feeling may be carried too far. An instance of this occurred recently in Auckland. A genuine son of the Emerald Isle was noticed fco enter his family cisfcle— which, by fche way, had only ono window and one door —by means of a ladder. He did nofc require assistance to geb at the door, but got into his mansion by means of the window. When asked the reason for his strange conduct, a broad smile prssed across his expressive countenance, and he said thafc he had losfc fche key of fche door. Ifc was suggested to him that ib would be easier the lock than to go to bhe trouble of getting through the window in thab ' sbyle. Pafc replied that nothing would tempt him to burst that lock. It had been in his family for fifty 5 ears, and had only recently been sent out.o him by his sister in Ireland, as he had become the head of the house. Pat was true fco his trust. For three weeks he gob in ab the window, and then ho suffered through tho sin of another. A man who evidently had nofamily manes to protect, saw Pat use the ladder to get in tho house, and afterwards he did the same, and helped himself to a feed for his horse. Whether Pat has yefc found his key, or burst the lock, Zamiel . has nob heard. * * * »■ * * * * •* Major - General Sbrange, while holding forbh ab Cheltenham Beach on tho merits of 1 the new Maxim quick-firing machine-gun,

s facetiously observed that he had lately : heard a great deal about the Bank of New i Zealand, and in reference to the colonial - defence, he thought that the least that , wealthy institution could do would be toconl tribute its share to the expenditure in this : direction by purchasing one or two of the '> Maxims for use here in case of invasion in i war time, if only for the protection of t the bullion in their safes and coffers. ) A volunteer officer present was hoard to cxi press the fervent hope that the bank would $ testify their enterprise and zeal on behalf • of the hearts and homes of the colony, and i more particularly of our own " lovely Anck- > land," by acceding bo the General's gentle i hint, and bhab ib would be a sighb almost • worth being bombarded for to witness the • bank directors, ferocious in scarlet-tunics and ■ musta.hios, mounted on bhe roof of bhe ; bank building in Queen-sbreet excibedly baking their turn afc pobbing with the deadly little machine the hordes of "Rooshia-n" i and Cossack invaders threatening their . beloved gold. Tiie picture drawn was a i stirring one, no doubfc, bub many more besides fche big insbibution's patriots devoutly hope thab such a dire contingency - may be long averted, and pray for " peace in our time " at least. *** * * # * ■* * Very many theatre - goers attending ' dramatic representations in Abbott's Opera House during the last few months have re- : marked the incongruity of a huge advertis- ' ing screen being utilised as a curtain and ' drop-scene on fche stage. The sheet is i rather an eyesoi*a, and is out of place in its > attractive surroundings. Ib certainly seems somewhat queer —to say the least of ib —to kco a dainty pretty ■ fairy dance from " lolanthe " enacted ion the stage with a flaring inscripi tion floating just abovo tho Fairy Queen's head, announcing fco pifc, stalls, a,nd circle fcho merits of So-and-so's "XXX i Beer," or inviting the thirsty onlooker to ' try somebody's pale ale, crowned by more or less artistic representations of the common.beer botble of commerce Tho fairy scene below may or may nob bo of the earth, earthy, bufc the dangling advertiae- ' menfc of spirituous liquors savours de- ' cidedly of the beer —beery. #* * * I was amused one night to read in the Star that the manufacturers and importers of artificial manure had held a meeting to ! look after the interests of the trade. Zamiel was not amused at the meeting ' being held, but at an expression made use of by bhe Chairman, He considered that the proposal of the Government to make ■ them submit an analysis of their manufactures was a slur on the trado. He held thafc "ifc was as high in character as any other in Auckland," Nexb day Zamiel ' was passing a place where artificial ; manures are stored, and he afc onco came to tho same conclusion as the Chairman. It waa high in character decidedly. The gentleman was quite right. »** # # * . * # # So Mr William Bright is going to have Admiral Fairfax hauled over the coals in the House of Commons because tho Or- : lando's piper performed on the bagpipes afc fche Orangemen's soiree. Now, I would nofc have expected this from a son of the Hon. John Bright, the people's tribune ; bub bhis ' is evidenbly nob a case of " like father, like son." Ib appears thab in the Navy Regulations there is a very strict order to officers in command of Her Majesty's ships to prevent any of their subordinates ' from taking part in any demonstration associated with societies such as bhe Orange- ' men, Hibernians, and kindred combinations. This may be a very necessary law where parby feeling runs so high as it does at Home, but thing? are altogether different in bhe colonies, and had it not been for Mr Bright drawing attention to the fact that a piper in Her Majesfcy's uniform played afc an Orangemen's soiree or social gabhering, tho incident would never have been noticed. I don't suppose Admiral Fairfax ordered his piper bo go and play for bhe Orangemen, and the probability is that he only did so out of sheer good fellowship, to oblige somo shore friends who happened to wear fche bit of 3'ellow, jusb fche same as he would have treated his Hibernian friends to a " skirl o' fche pipes " had they been anxious to hear the "music." That Admiral Fairfax would not approve of the action of his piper under-the circumstances is pretty certain, and as bho man would as a matter of course be reprimanded for his unconscious breach of the regulations, Mr Bright had better leb the matter rest there.