TABLE TALK.

Auckland Star, Volume XIX, Issue 161, 9 July 1888, Page 1

TABLE TALK.

• -» Egotism is only a weakness of the Is. A great hardship—An iron steamer. A host in himself—The landlord. How many sleeves has a coat of arms ? Old King Coal is a high-priced old soul. The Speaker of the House.—The wife. Panorama at the Foresters' Hall to-night % Jubilee Minstrels at the Opera House. The net cost of the 'Frisco mail service to the colony last year was only £729. Men through whom we may seeOculists. American pick-pockets have made a descent on Melbourne.. There will be no eclipse of the honeymoon this year. There are no rounds of drinks in the ladder of success. Noah's voyage is scarcely more famous than the widow's cruise. Where there's a will there's a way. Yes, a way to break it. " 'Tis false," as the girl said when her lover told her she had beautiful hair. It is probable that the railway service to Cambridge will be reduced to three days per week. Mrs Gubbins says her husband is like a tallow candle; he always will smoke when he goes out. Mr Hudson, railway manager, is at Wellington, just now re-arranging the Auck- ! land Railway Time-table. Mr Warden Northcroft thinks we have . ' too much syndicate, and too little capital, with too little work. Children don't often consult the will of the father ; his only will which they are apt. to care much much about is his last. Wife—"George, do the American Indians ' always travel in single tile ?" Husband— " I never saw but one, and he did." Host (who has trod on the lady's skirt): "Oh! Forgive me! .You see it's my natural instinct to detain you !" English steel workers are objecting to beginning work at 12 o'clock on Sunday night. The most densely populated islands on the globe are said to be Barbadoes and Malta. The Princess of Wales and her associates are setting the fashion'of wearing as much jewellery as possible. John Ruskin has written sixty-four books, and his annual receipts from his publisher ; reach £4,000. Glass is said to have been introduced into England by Benedict Biscop, Abbott of Weymouth, in a.d. 676. A large number of men are leaving the railway works at Waiteti, which are now getting near the end of the contract. Kentucky school teacher (to infant class) —" Yes, dear children, the camel can go seven days without water." Class (in chorus)—"ls that all?" The Japanese language contains no profane or blasphemous words, and the people are rapidly learning English and other Christian tongues. Dr. Macmullen was banquetted at the Northern Club on Saturday evening prior to his departure for Australia, where he intends practising. The Rotorangi estates, owned by Messrs Grice and Bonn, also their estate at Tatua, are likely to be.Jjhrcnminto a company and offered for sale in either Melbourne or London. In lecturing to young ladies last nighb> the Rev. James Chew, pastor of Bereefordstreet Church, exhorted them to learn to cook well, as cross/tempered dyspeptics made bad Christians. An inventor has patented an electric con-! tribution box for church use. Whenever a' button or piece of tin is deposited in the ; box an electric bell rings and informs the : congregation of the fact. The new gumfield at Katikati gives ■ profitable employment to about sixty per--sons, many of whom only dig on three: days during the week, and about two tons of gum are sent from the field weekly. In Scotland the Established Presbyterian Church has 84 Presbyteries, 16 Synods,' 1,307 parishes, with 1,587 churches, chapels and stations, and about 1,700 ministers. In 1884 there were 556,622 members. Office Boy (to editor): " Thez-e's a gent!' outside, sir, with fringe on his pants, who says he wants to seethe editor." Editor: "Never say 'gent' or 'pants,' James; and tell the gentleman we don't want- any poetry." Drs. Stockwell and Mackellar have successfully operated on the arm of Mr Baker, of Tonga, who was shot at the time of the attempted assassination of his father. Miss Baker is still prostrated with the wound received on the same occasion. "George, dear," she said reproachfully, as she clung fondly around his neck, " why will you eat raw onions when you know you are coming to see me?" " Merely to test your love, my precious," replied George. The autopsy on the body of "Red" Leary, a well-known New York burglar, revealed the fragment of a bullet embedded in the front part of his skull. In the doctor's opinion the bullet had been there for twenty years. Now for the big gooseberry and the sea-serpent!