RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XIX, Issue 76, 31 March 1888, Page 2 (Supplement)

RANDOM SHOTS.

[By Zamiel.]

Some write, a neighbour's name to lash : Some .rite-vain thought !-for needful cash; ome write to pleaso the country clatsn, And raise a ut!;. For me, an aim I never fash— I write for fun.

Good Friday has once more come and gone —the day being, as usual, observed as a general holiday in Auckland district. The unusual thing about tho observance this year has been the secularisation of the " holy day " in a manner which must have struck religious people as very profane—l mean of course people who belong to the two important sects who view Good Friday as a day of far greater sanctity than the Sabbath. There were excursions and general jollifications yesterday, and the railway employes went off in a ferry steamer to Tamaki, where they spent the day in playing leapfrog, guzzling tea, and other ungodly pursuits. All thi?, as I have said, musb be very shocking to devout people; bufc it appears to be an irresistible tendency of the age to adopt the philosophic views of those wlio, even in St. Paul's day, " esteemed all days alike." When one comes to think of it, the spirit of the steam engine is diametrically opposed to the superstitious reverence for so-called sacred times and seasons ; but sti 111 fancy if the Auckland railway servants had read whafc I have now before me, they would have hesitated before trusting themselves on a steamer on Good Friday*

Here is the terrible warning, which I extract from a religious magazine called "The Lamp " :—" The young captain of a fishing boat, M. Denray, a radical member of the Municipal Council of Boulogne, and lately received into the order of Freemasons, had been invited to join a party of Freethinkers at a banquet on Good Friday, but as he was to set out for the fishing, which is carried on in bhe British Channel every year just before the Holy Week, ib was impossible for him to accept the invitation, bufc he proclaimed aloud that he should take plenty of good meat to sea, and should partake of it on Good Friday, while thinking of his brethren and friends. Before he went aboard he had all the images of Our Lord and Blessed Virgin, which were there, removed, and replaced them by tbe emblems of Freemasonry. Instead of the customary prayer which is made on leaving the port, he made them sing the 'Marseillaise.' The twenty men who formed his crew were greatly saddened by these profanations, and one of them said to his wife, as he took leave of her : ' How unfortunate I am in being engaged to , Denray ! Our good God will punish us !' : Ifc happened fchafc of all the boats thafc left ; Boulogne, thafc belonging fco Denray was the only one that did nofc return. Ifc was losfc, and the men on board left sixty-three orphans."

While on the subject of making light of sacred things, I am reminded of the sudden death of the colonial actor Federici(orßaker) the other day, while acting the part of Mephistopheles. A religious friend of mine spoke in an awe-sfcvicken whisper of the occurrence, which he regarded as a judgment upon the actor for masquerading in the garb of tbe Prince of the Towers of Darkness. My friend may be surprised to learn that so far from such representations being considered profanations by the devout people of Spain and Italy, the clergy therfc are in the habit of personating God and .Satan, and holding theological discussions in the church —ending, I suppose, in the discomfiture of the Evil One and his retreat from the scene, as in " Faust." This custom was tried lately at Rouen, in France, but it did not prove a brilliant success—probably because the French people are corrupted by Freemasonry and Free thought. The clergyman who personated Deity had the bad taste to introduce politics into his remarks, and the Devil having made a hot retort, the congregation joined in the "argument." The result wasa general melee, resulting in a drawn battle between the powers of Good and Evil; fche only casualty was a beadle missing ! The Archbishop pf Rouen had the sense to spe that this sort of thing was as discreditable as eating beef on Good Friday and he has given orders to discontinue the sacred dialogues.

One of the big perambujatpr manufacturers, who must have a gigantic intellect? writes :—" Zamiel, in his shots of Saturday -last, seeks to hold me and my business up to ridicule. In justice to myself I cannob leb ifc pass unchallenged, as he makes use of observations which T consider detrimental tp my business. _Jow,as lam not Zamiel's " corresponded he has no rigbfc to make me one of the. butts of his sarcasm." Either this gentleman is, or I am, very deficient in fche sense of humour. He apparently fails to see any fun in a paragraph which I tried to make excruciatingly witty, and construes a splendid free advertisement to his business into a direct insult only to be wiped out in gore. Bub I may bo wrong ; perhaps his letter is meant to be funny, and 1 am hopelessly obtuse in viewing it as a serious communication. I leave my readers to solve the problem. '

* * * » * * * « * The sons of fche Emeral4 *sle avo proverbial for an amazing capacity for niating funny blunders whicb have become known

as "Irish bulls." Evidence is not want-; ing, either, that; the daughters of that country are able to keep up the character of their country.. Here is the latest sample. A young lady residing in fche suburbs received a letter from a lady friend in the Waikato during fche present week, ifc came by post, and contained the following directions :—First was the name of fche recipienfcsimplyfollowed by fche words, "Newton, Auckland." That such a letter arrived at its destination, speaks well for the capacity of the Postal Department. Afc the foot of the envelope were tr.e following words : — " Your address is lost, in which case I am afraid tlmfc you will not receive this lefcter. Please let me have ifc back again." Anybody who can beab that is invited to come along without delay. Wasn'tih Mr J. A. Coniiellwho expressed the original opinion thab the chief cause of the depression in New Zealand was thafc there were " too few Scotchmen here?" _ I think it was ; bufc surely tlie old colonial hand, if he reads in the papers the interminable records of Burns Club meetings, Caledonian Socials, and whafc nofc, will have seen cause to modify thab opinion, .bord Roseberry book a very different view of the matter when on a visit to Melbourne some time ago. A dinner was given in honour of theyoungScotfcislinoblemenbyoneoffcheleading'Melbburne Clubs, and fche guest of the evening was surrounded by many of the leading Scotch colonists. In replying to the toast of his health, he made the following amusing observations: -— "Gentlemen" said he,' "lam dolighted beyond expression wifch all I have seen in the colonies. I do nob know any portion of the habitable globe which open 3so many and such manifold advantages to the industrious and energetic resident? I have, I confess, been offered oref.t inducements to casfc in my lob with you. Amongsb others, I have had the offer of a seat; in Parliament for one of your most; radical constituencies, but, I regreb to say, I cannob avail myself of bhem, and I will, as a greab secreb, confide my reason to yon." Then (looking round the tablo at the nleased countenances of his admiring fellow countrymen) he said, "The fact; is, gentlemen, there are too many Scotchmen here for me to gob a living ; I musb return bo my native land, where these energetic and allpervading men of business are fewer in number."

I don't mean to advise Mr Conn ell to follow the example of his Lordship, for if all tho Scots abroad were to return to "Caledonia stern and wild" they would not be able to get a living and there would be a revival of the old feuds and forays which wore the means employed by their rude forefathers for . keeping down population and replenishing their larders. Apropos of Scottish economy and love of bargaining, the following story is too good to escape record: — A gentleman of tho Hebrew persuasion made up his mind to move to fresh- fields and pastures new, and accordingly vacated \n3 London residence for ope in Edinburgh. Not finding the keen air of that Northern capital to liie fancy, he shortly abandoned it, and returned to his old quarters. A friend met him, and, having expressed his surprise afc seeing him back so quickly, asked tentatively, " Are there many Jews in Scotland? "Why," replied the other, " they are all Jews in Scotland !-"