A Patent Contribution-Box.

Auckland Star, Volume XVIII, Issue 278, 25 November 1887, Page 7

A Patent Contribution-Box.

Like a phantom of, the past, he glided silently into the sanctum, and settled down on a chair opposite to us, and smiled twice. One of his eyes looked directly back to the fall of the Roman Republic, and the other peered steadily forward to the time when the just mail shall be made perfect, which Is a long way off. • I have got something,' he eaid, after he had atfqwed y.s to admire him about three minutes, ' which will ehher revolutionize Christianity pr create a panic in church.' ' What do you refer to ¥

'Ail invention of rnjme, sir, A contribution-box that none will be able to escape in a satisfactory manner. The box has a handle to it that closes up and slides down like a telescope. Underneath the box is fixed an electric bell, which is connected with a small battery concealed jn the end of the handle. All that you have to do is to touch a spring, and you turn on the bell. The purpose of the invention is to prevent old sinners from dodging

i the duty they owe their church. Have you ever seen bald-headed church members with red speckled noses crouch up in the far corner of the pew, and snore like fury, and pretend to be asleep when the deacon came around to take up the collection? • Yes. , ' Well, their day has passed. Why my new contribution-box, the deacon walks in the aisle, and when he catches one of the old_duffers trying to beat the missionary fund, he quietly slides the box undtr the ear of one of the slumbercrs, and sends in an alarm that gallops through him like a rip-saw. I have seen that box bring fulks face to face with their duty so quick that it broke their suspenders. It was tested, on a methodist congregation last Sunday, and the new receipts were fifty per ceDt more than they had been for a period of seven years. The minister of the church immediately invested in four of the boxes, and the board of, stewards presented me with a written testimonial of their regard. I have received letters from very near every preacher in the country, making anxious inquiry concerning my invention. My contribution-box is either going to cast a beautiful halo about religion, or else cause infidelity to flourish like a cockle-burr patch. It is going to pluck the tares from the ' wheat. In other words, it will be the means of compelling those who have been furnished with religion on credit to pay up or get out. It's going to feed the missionary, soothe the orphan and put a broadcloath suit and a slick top hat on the country preacher who right now is riding a long-eared mule on a forty-mile circuit, and building up an appetite for chicken. After all this talk, I will say, sir, that my object in visiting you was to call your attention to the novelty of my invention, with the hope that it might merit a notice at your hands.' And with a gracious smile and awkward bow he departed. Hence this article.