Humours.

Auckland Star, Volume XVIII, Issue 143, 18 June 1887, Page 1 (Supplement)

Humours.

'A FIRM advertises: "Our dancing slip- • pers for young ladies are simply immense. . \ " I thay, old chappie, can you let me have ; your horse to dwive in my dwag this after-;; noon?" " Why, of course. But why nob J nob dwive your own?" "My deah b0y,..: I'm going to take Miss Dwesser dwivmg, ; and she always weahs that duced wed dwess, : My horse is ecwu, y'know, and they don't match."

Discounting Diamonds.—Sagaciousyoung ■; man to society reporter : " How much will, i you chargh for a paragraph stating that a' 1 plain gold band is now the proper thing for ' an engagement ring ? I have to buy one : for Mamie to-morrow, and, if I could showher such a paragraph, it would be lOOdols. ia ! my pocket."

An inscription on a,monument winds up ; with the following touch obituary :—" She - : lived a life of virtue, and died of the cholera 1 ' morbus, caused by eating green fruit in the hope of a blessed immortality, at the early age of twenty-one years, seven months, arid •■ sixteen years. Readers, , go thou and do' likewise."

Physician (at the Hospital): I congratu-' 5 late you sincerely, my dear sir. Patient / (joyfully): Then I will recover ? Physician j No ; not exactly ; but after consultation we' have come to the conclusion that your case; • is an entirely new one, and we have decided-; to give your name to the malady, provided" \ thai , our diagnosis is confirmed by—the j autopsy. (Patient immediately expires from ! fright.) ■: 'J

A custodian of the Bodelian Library ab i Oxford used to show a cherished memento' | labelled the skull of Oliver Cromwell. A'Vl wandering anatomus, well up in osteology,.; having inspected the treasure, observed in-, j dignantly, "But thi3 is the cranium of a'< youth of twenty!" " Well, sir," was the. j answer, '' what prevents its being the skull'j of the Lord Protector when he was a young } man V