Robert at Cook's Little Swarry.

Auckland Star, Volume XVII, Issue 298, 18 December 1886, Page 3

Robert at Cook's Little Swarry.

How wuudorfully euckomstances happens sum times won one's a thinking of summit quite different ! Going to a hengagoinont as I had bat week at tho West Knd, who shocd I meet of all pnssonsin tho wurld but my old frond tho Cook of Portland Place. Kar.sy mooting a Cjok a tuking a wark, and all in her closo too, includin a bran now Bonnet just like a Ariggan's At, arid not of a Sunday ! I niver was more estonUh'd.

Sha cum up lo me with that particlar pleading unile as lovoly woman sllus wears when she's got a new dress on, and meets a frond as ain't. I felt jest a lee-tle orkard at fu«t, romembering tho peeculier suckum. stances under which wo last parted, but she made no elusion to 'era, excep by saying, "If you'll promise to beliavo yereel, we t-liall bo glad to see you tomorrow night at our little Swarry as Wb're a troing to have as all tho fammorleys' out of town." Of coureo I prommiat to go, nnd go I did, and I dou't no won I've more injoyed myself. We had a puffecly lovely tea, with shrimps and sardeens and marmarlaid and eossidfies, quite like the worry hiest Nobillerfcy, and a littlo drop of soruotning nice in the lar.-t oup. And then we hud a little d.inse. I dan?od with Cook, and Tommus, tho tall horty footman, dansed with Arryboiler the Parler Maid, and our music wae one of the worry finest Street Horgans as I hover herd, and played in such a marsterly style ns would have delited the Dook of Edinbnrrow, or any other worry fust-rate Musician. Then we had a little singing. Tomtnua sang, "My Pretty Jane," which he gallarntly, for the ocenshun, turned into "My Pretty Arrybeller," at which she amost bluxht. Then 1 sang ■'Symon the Collermnn,"ondnot to.bo outdone in homage to tho Faro, I eubstitooted Damo Cooky for Dame Margery, but not with werry great Fucksoss, as Cook said as Bhe thort as old Symon was a conceited old fool. However, I made up for it later on by reading to 'em my bran new Romance, which I calb The Mystery of May Fare, " by one behind the Scons," which they all declared to be the werry thrillingest, and most exsitingest, and tho shortest story of modern times. And as I quite agrees with 'em, I thinks as I shall werry shortly publish it.

We thmi all set down te Supper, jest a duzzen of us. There would ha' been 13 ! but Cook made young Buttons the Page set down in the nex room by hisself, witch he only consented to do on condishun of having a hextra pot of plum Jam to bisself I was glad to see him sent out. It served him rite for larfine at me and Cook, when we was a dancing. Tommus soi in his horty way, that nothink would have injuiced him to set down 13, as the ony time he ever saw it done, a old gent werry nearly choked bieself with a fish bone 1 witch of coarse was a warning to all of 'em Being appealed to as one rayther perfensed in this kind of thorn. I told 'em my thrilling story of the ex-Sheriff who went down all the way to Epping Forrest to dine, and being fust: a little late, the company was all seated and wen he saw they was jest 12, and that he would make 13, he first turned garstly pail, he then turned on his eel, and, without one singel wordr of apolergy or egacuse, he returned to the place from wence he came, and acebally went without his dinner ! All on 'em thort as this waa one nf them hacfes of self-sacri fice as was wurthy to compare with any as they'd ever, heard on. The Butler, who is rayther a littery man, said as it reminded him of Sir Philip Sydney's gallant acshun at the Battle of Waterloo. We couldn't have no more danaing ns the Horganist had left and token the Horkestry with him, so that the Butler he brewd us a perfeoly lovely Bowl of Punch and we set round the table nnd told annecdotes. Sum was of rayther a startlin carackter, such as Tommus's tale of the last Darby, how he got the Btraittip from the Dook of Westminister's Footman, and betted with a most respectable Ipoking gent on the course, and won rewen pound ten. which the gent paid him quite honerabel with a ten-pound note. Tommus giving him the difference, and how arterwarda he paw the same respectibel gent a being chivied by a mob without no hat, and his coat torn up the back, and all as he was told, because he was a Welshman, and how when he went the nex day to get his nntß changed he found as It was a forgery ! He kindly forbode to repeat the langwidgeas he used on that occasion, out of respec, as he said, to the Ladies, but we might bleevo as how ifc was rayther powerful !

I told 'era too or three staggeres about parst Lord Mares, witch waawerry successful, but wun as pleased the Fare Sects most, was the account of how we take it by turns at the Manshun Ouse, after ewery Bankwet to which Lndiea of Fashun is inwited, to have the fust go round the rooms with a duot-pan and a broom, to Rweep up all the Dimons and other jewels as the Ladies has dropt; with sitch results sum' times ai would estonish 'em nil did T dare menshun it, but we was all most Follemly swore to eesrecy ! They tried werry hard to make me brake my wow, but all in wane. So as it was a pitting late the sollem Butler kindly wound up the heavning by porposing my elth as the Gest of the Party, witch he did in pitch flattering turms as omost maid me blush. He said among other things, aa I badded dienorty to my noble perfession.. I trust I replied.fittingly, na became my karacter and parsition. The Butler told me afterwards that he had seldom heerd sitch a speech, outside the Theatre, which rent ma away emiling and appy, for my xperience tells me as wo all like a little bit of flattery, from the werry hie<=t to the werry loweat, witch must include a goo 3 lob on us,— Robert,—"Punch."