Rich Men's Wives.

Auckland Star, Volume XVII, Issue 199, 25 August 1886, Page 3

Rich Men's Wives.

Rich men aro eevorely handicapped in the rnco for marriage. Thia will appear at ' first glance to be a most prepoßterouß misstatement of tho case. Are not rich men run aflor by everybody? Aro they not rtclcomod by paronte? Aro not daughters dazzled by their possessions? or ii not thomselve9 attracted by wealth, are they not soon talked into a proper state of feeling by their relations ? Yes, wo answer to all these questions; but that very aflirmation strengthens and supports the original assertion. The chance of happiness in marriago is inversely in proportion to the easo with which a wife can be obtained ; in other word?, a rich man has loss difficulty in marrying than a poo<"onohas,mit greater difficulty iv finding a good wifo. The saying that "tho course of true love novor runs smooth " should bo altorod thus, "in a emootli orurso true love cannot bo roco^nised." Unless there are obstacles to test ts determination, unless thero arc cleat sin:* fires from which tho precious oro shall emerge pure »old, thero is no way of proving that it really exists nt all, Many a young girl accepts tha first man that proposes to her because flic is touched andflattered, or because, being heart-whole, Bha cannot refuse to let him win her. Inexperience in tho art of saying no, aided by iamily pressure, loads many a girl into uncongenial marriage. Opposition would hive shewn nor whetheror no hcrheart was really stirre.l. Ilich me'i differ widely from oaeh other in their ideal of a wifo. One will merely want, handsome clothes-peg whereupon to display his wealth, and may bavo no yearning for love or domesticity ; lie may ovon think it U best for husbands and wives each to go their own way. Such a man will bo ea'ily suited, provided ho has not to overcome v. rival with superior advantages. ]Si;t let him beware of the consequences. Before taking tho fatal step, let him luok nt Orchardman's picture of tho deserted husband, and tako the lesson to heait. Men may fancy they do net caro to be loved, but they all shrink from disgrace and dishonour. Another man wilt sock for an alliance with rank and raca to strengthen his social position. If this bo his first consideration, he mu?t surely bo a snob; and any great lady who is willing to marry him will bo little better, and she will, of course, feel that he is not a gentleman, and will deliberately baiter herself for hia money; afterwards, probably, eho will plainly show him that slio considers him beneath her. It is not digniScd for a man to sink into the condition of " Lody Sophonisba's husband ;" that ia quite as contemptihlg as tho position o'. an idle pauper married to an he-ire??, who blusters and swaggers on the strength of his wife's wealth. There is oro exception which may fairly be made in tho condemnation of well-born women whn marry for money, and that ia the casa of a member of a poor but old family who, toea°o the strain on her parents and to give hor titters a bettor chance in the worid, will marry an unattractive rich man for tho sake of those she loves at home. Some very stern moralists would judgoeven this girl very harshly, and a°eert that it ia always wicked to marry without falling in lovo. But we cannot see why a girl, who ha 3 not given hor heart to anoclui man, should bo blamed for sacrificing herself for hi r family, provided she is honestly determined to act rightly towards her husband, and tells him her feolings truthfully bofora he is bound to her. If, however, she despises him, openly shows her contempt for him ; spends all hia money on tier relatives, without being grateful to him herself, or making the recipients of his bounty acknowledge that the gift is his, not hers, then she indeed grossly fails in her bounden duty. But if, on tho contrary, she makes him bappy, gratifies hia tastes, remembers to be always kind and courteous to his relations, and paya him a full measure of that outward respect which is every husband's due, and more especially so if ho provides all the mfans of subsistence, then, with all these c ■ icions fulfTi.ri, ho may be considered a very lucky man, with no cause to complain of the prize ho has drawn in the grsat matrimonial lottery. Other wealthy men are very simple in their tastes, and crave only for a happy home with a sweet little wife to love anc protect. They are scared by brillian beauties well able to hold their own in the world of gaiety. Such anxious Cculebs usually turn either to the bluphing (trbutanfn or to tho quiet little woman who appoura to bo always giving in to everypody. Sometimes his judgment may be right, but a= men have very little insight into the character of women, he will more often be grievously mistaken. Once married, tho bread-and-butter miss who ha* seen nothing of life beforo will betray a firm determination to go everywhere. The husband may sigh for his country home and his shorthorns, but the wife will keep him in London through the longest of long seasons. She may really be very fond of him. and may like him to be always with her, and may insist on his joining hor day after day and night after night in a whirl of gftief.y which boroa ond wearies him. If he is a wise man he will not dare to refuse or .-ho will go about alone, and the habit of separation will grow on them both, go that all tho true spirit of wedded lifo will bo driven out of theirs. This may easily happen without any scandal or any serious misunderstanding; diversity of taste?! and tho power of gratifying them, drive couples asunder slowly but euroly, and without seme great grief they are unlikely ever to bo really at one again. Perhaps the lo=s of a child, or some r-iroihr fiiliiction, may be tho electric spark which shall again combine the sundered elements : but without eternal hell they can hardly hope to bo ro-uuited. Chance, as wo lightly term Supremo Providence, may or may not mercifully grant the opportunity. Not only doe 3 the newly-omanclpated schoolgirl show a strong wish for gaiety, but if she has been bred in comparative poverty, a still greater transformation will astonish tho guileless husband. He has been wont to admire her in her father's house, darning and patching, cr gathering eggs to make a modest sum of pocketmoney ; he has'known her to bo most grateful for a gift of old clothes from hi 2 sister. Porhaps he has been unreasonably vexed with that sister, who has been apt to lose patience with this poor girl-frond, who was always asking for the loan of dresset, bonnets, dust cloaks, parasols, fans, in f.ict, for oil tha costly etceteras she could noc afford to buy, but was not too proud to borrow. Probably she has not even taken care of them, aud has trailed evening dress'.B on damp gravel walks, has heedlessly sat down on a valuable fan, torn tbo dust cloak, crumpled up the bonnet, and has yet returned them unrepaired,without a word of apology for tho damages. Such conduct, and oven more, rich girls have to endure from the maidens their brothers admiro, and yet not a word of disapproval can they utter, for tho. warn ing would be worse than useless. If loving shters could only obtain a fair hearing, many a cruel disappointment c;uld be prevented. After married I ho husband willhardly credit his when he finds that his bride can nover stir without her maid, and ooni eiders his establishment not nearly gcod enough for her ; tho old butlor is too dowdy the footman not tall enough, the whole staff too small, tho carriages old-fashioned, the horsefl underbred, thefumituro common, and the family diamonds paltry! His sister, raoan while, may have married a poor man, and ho will, perhaps, see that she, in epite of having boon all her life waited on hand and foot, can now discharge her maid and do up her own clothes, and prove that to her, at least, happiness i 3 quito independont of luxury. Tho rich bride, on the contrary, seems to be unable to put a piece of coal on tho fire to save her lifo, and quito glories in being oxtremoly useless. Such women widi to liavo their past ignored, and tc make people believe that they have never known poverty, They even so far put away all remembrance of their former lifo a3 to show no sympathy whatever for people in a position like theira of old Even the fnend3 of whom they wero wont to mako use, and with whom the relations are now reversed, nevor receive from them any help of any kind. People vho mako sudden bounds into great wealth seldom havo any sympathy with those they have left behind. The rich women who do consider their le?a dowered sisters are either thoEO who, with their husbands, have risen gradually, to weal h ; or else the real grandes dcunes, who have no personal experience of poverty, and cannot imagine how it is po-sible to live on hunt'reds instead of thousands. These boing bred with tho seneo of noblesse oli'icje, and taught to think of the duties of wealth as well ap of its p'easuies, aro of en far H-0 c pit-, ing than there is any need for. Many a lad}' of smo.ll means has often been greatly amused by the tonder way in which her rich friends watch over their sixpences. Sho finds another and mere cynical amusement in the contemplation if the vulgarity and newly discovered h9lp'esßncFs of the metamorphosed madam we have e'ecribed before.

A ricli man who wants to load a happy homo lifo should bewaro of women who are not liked by their own sex —just as girls aro very foolish if they encourage men against whom their brothers and cousins warn them. Often the soft, yielding Httlo woman is not at all what she appears to bo, but ia actiug cleverly to attract unwary men ; and other giils may know her to be spiteful, selfish, and ungenerous. Men shrink from anybody loud and bouncing, and certainly a noi^y overgrown woman ia not an objnct to admira; but still she may bo twice as sensitive and tenderhearted as her mou?o-liko smaller sister. It very commonly occurs that little women are tremendously determined, whereas the elephantine maiden takes after her prototype in docility a? well as in eizo. If men have no sisters suitable to be consulted in co delicate a matter as marriage, let them take counsel with somo honest, trustworthy married woman. Although some abuso ia freely showered on tho young matrons of the daj', wo are thankful to say there are still a great many with clear heads and true hearts. Somo peoplo will indignantly exclaim : " You are teaching us to makean apple-tart without mentioning tho apples, for you are preaching about happy marriages without love.1' We do not, however, underestimate the groat ble»f ing of love, but only recogniehing the great difficulty rich men encountor in making sure of it, we would warn them against trusting to inclination only. Their position boing soextremsly critical, they must takodonblo care todiscover if tho wives they ehoo?o aro really good generous women. We would also implorepeople who intend to marry to make sure of mutual respoct and great sympathy. Those who aro in perfect harmony with each other may yet represent widely different note, but if they jar at all, or even in the slightest degree boro each other, then let them diMW back ere it is too late. LoneliD3BS is far more durablo than an ill-assorted marriage.—"The Queen."