HE WAS FIRED.

Auckland Star, Volume XVII, Issue 124, 29 May 1886, Page 5

HE WAS FIRED.

They engaged a new porter at one of our hotels recently. He was an active young man, with Hibernian type of countenance and large, horny hands about the sizo of hams. Everybody liked him, he was so cheerful, so obliging, and ao rigorously and scrupulously evact in carrying out every order given him. Shortly after the' employment of the new porter a gentleman named Johnson put up at the hotel. Mr Johnson is very dignified and polished, and extremely particular about his room and service. That evening a very extraordinary thing occurred. Some say it was about nine o'clock ; others place it as late as halfpast ten. At any rate, somewhere near that time Mr Johnson was amazed to see the door of his room open and a man step in, - " Who are you ?" asked Mr Johnston. " Oi am the porter," replied the stranger, deliberately removing his coat and rolling up his sleeves. "Well, what is the meaning of this singular intrusion ?" inquired Mr Johnson. Thomas did not reply. He spit upon his hands, executed a rapid and. fantastic jig, and leaped suddenly upon the astonished guest. "Help! Murder!" bellowed Mr Johnson; " crazy man killing me 1" "Shut up, ye spalpeen 1" exclaimed Thomas, obtaining a firm grip upon Mr Johnson and propelling him rapidly out of the room; " it's none of the loikes of ye that's wanted in dacent houses."

"But, my good man!" grasped Mr Johnson, his words coming out by excited jerks. " there is some mistake! Let me explain !" •'Niver a ward, ye hoodlum !" replied Thomas, rushing him toward the stairs ; "we're on to ye? The house has had ye spotted." The next instant the guests in the corridor were amazed to see two figures, one spluttering and kicking, and the other grim and determined, shoot down the staircase, plunge through the lobby and disappear into outer darkness. In a few moments Thomas returned panting and rolling down hissleeves. -

" What in the name of heaven were you doing 1" asked the proprietor, when he recovered sufficiently from the shock to speak, "I was firing that blackguard Johnson, replied Thomas. "Firing him? Who put such an idea into your head ?" '•Hereshe is," replied Thomas, with an injured air, holding the slate before the proprietor's eyes. This was what he read : "No. 40; fire at 10.30."