Mark Twain on a Campaign that Failed.

Auckland Star, Volume XVII, Issue 43, 20 February 1886, Page 5

Mark Twain on a Campaign that Failed.

Fok a time life was idly doliciouß, it was perfect; there was nothing to mar it. Then camo somo farmers with an alarm one day. They said it waa rumoured that the enemy wero advancing in our direction, from ovor Hyde's prairie. Tho result was a sharp stir among ua, nnd general consternation It wan a rudo awakening from our ploasant trance Tho rumour was but a rumour-nothing definite about it; so, in the confusion, we did not know which way to retreat. Lyman was for not retreating at all, in those uncertain circumstance. ; but ho found that if ho tried to maintain that attitude ho would fare badly, ior the command woro in no humour to put up with insubordination. So ho yielded tno point and called a council of war-to consist of himself and the throe othor officers: but tho privates made such a fuss about being left out that we had to allow them te be present. I moon wo had to allow them to remain, for thoy woro already present, and doing tho most of the talking too. Tbe question was, which way to retreat; but all wero so flurried that nobody seomed to -have even a guess to offer. Except Lyman. Ho explained in a few calm words that inasmuch as the enemy wero approaching from over Hyde^s prairie, our course was .simple: all wo had to do was not to retreat toward him; any othor direction would answer our needs perfectly. Evorybody saw in n moment how true this was, and how Sriso; so Lyman got a great many compliraonts. It was now decided that wo 'should fall back on Mason's farm.

It was after dark by this time, and as we could not know bow soon the enemy might" arrive, it did not eeom beet to try to take tho horses and things with ua ; so we only took the guns and ammunition, and started nt once. The route was very rough and hilly and rocky, and presently tho night grew very black ond rain began to fall; so we had a troublesome time of it, struggling and tumbling along in tbo dark ; and soon some person slipped and fell, and thon tho next porßon behind stumbled ovor him and foil, and so did tho roat, ono after tho other ; and thon Bowers camo with tho keg of powder in hia arms, whilst tho command wore all mixed together, arms and logs, on the muddy slope ; and ao ho fell, of course, with tho keg, and this started the wholo do tachmont down tho hill in a body, and they landed in the brook at the bottom in a pile, and each that ,was undermost pulling tho hair and scratching and biting thoso that were on top of him; and thoso that were being scratched and bitten scratching and biting tho rest in their turn, and all saying they would dio before they would ovor go to War again if they over got out of this brook this time, and the invader might rot for nil they cared, and the country along with bim and'all such- talk as that, which was dismal to hoar and take part in, in such smothered, low voices, and such a grisly dark place and so wet, and the enemy may becoming any moment. : • _ Tho keg of powder was lost, and tho guns too; so the growling and complaining con tinued .straight along whilst the brigade pawed around the pasty hillside and slopped around in tho brook bunting fortheso things; consequently we lost considerable time nt th|B ; and then we hoard a pound, and hold our: breath and .listened, and it eeemed to be the enemy coming, though it could havo boen a cow, for it had a cough liko a cow ; but we did not wait, but left a couplo of giina bohintl and stfupk , gut .fqr Mason's again as briskly'as we could scramble along in the dark. But we fjot lost 'presently among tho rugged littlo ravineß, aid wanted a deal of timo finding the way again, so it was after nine when rwe reached Mason's efcilo at last; and thon boforo wo could open our mouths to givo tho countersign, several dogs camo bounding over the fonco with great riot and noiso, and each of them took a soldier by the slack of his trousers and began to back away with him. Wo could not shoot tho dogs without endangering the persons they woro attached to ; so wo had to look on, helpless, at what waß perhaps tho most mortifying spectacle of the civil war. Thero was light enough, and to spare, for tho Masons had now run out on tno porch with candles in thoir hands. The old man and hia son came and undid tho dogs without difficulty.allbut Bowora'a ; but they couldn't undo his dog, they didn't know his combination ; he wob of the bull kind, and seemed to bo set with a Yale time-lock ; but thoy got him looso at last with somo scalding water, of whioh Bowors got his share and returned thanks. Peter Ounlap afterwards made up a fine name for this engagement, and alao for the night march which preceded.it, but both have long ago faded out of my memory.—From tho "Century Magazine."