Sonic Epitaphs.

Auckland Star, Volume XXVI, Issue 265, 14 November 1885, Page 6

Sonic Epitaphs.

In one church, oven as wo were passing the organ-loft, oiu'Ruido can point out a curious luunument to an organ-blower. "Tobacco he hatod—to smoke most, unwilling, yot nover so pleased as wlion pipes ho was fillIng ;" so runs his elegant epitaph, continuing _i" No reflection on him for rudo speech could be cast, though ho gave our old organist many a blast." In a neighbouring church the sexton can show an Inscription on a monumont to anothor cscloaiasticnl official:-" Here lies interred beneath those atones, yo board, yo uesh, and ol;o ye bonoa Of 'a clerk, old Daniel .lonos." In a church further south tho clergyman himself is thus immortaliaod on a tombstone: — "Hurrah, my boys, at tho parson's fall, for if he'd lived he'd aburiod us all." A littlo to the west, again, tho squire comes in for poetical commemoration : —" Hsro lies §; r , clad in his clay ; God said to the devil, Sirrah, take him away." Somotimes inscriptions on tombstones, instead of being epitaphs, aro intended to awaken tho sinner. In certain districts these are very common. It would bo wearisome, though oasy, to multiply instances of them ; but the following, which occurs on a tablet in a church whoso bolls wo have already noticed, may suffice :—" FFlosho and blode as Vow aro ao waa I. Dust and Assess as I arr: soe shall Vow be " As a concise statement of fact, tho following inscription on a neighbouring tombstone is a fair specimen:-—" Here lie three children dear, Two at and ono hero." Those who visit the churchyard referred to might find a eulogium on tho tomb of a French prisoner of war. written by one of hia compatriots in Latin more canine than classical, which so enraged an ol 1 pchoolmnstor that he exclaimed! ISI should liko to liai'C tho flogging of the man who wrote that epitaph." On a gravoatono in tho same district an allectionato wife of formor days commemorated her husband in tlio following deeply religious words:—"A greoter blessing to a urn man nover mor was givn, Nor a greotor loss eksopt tho loss of heavn " A parent in tho adjoining county makes two children thus speak for themselves : — " Spotless from guilt, the Lord Ho took wo hence, Toreign with Christ, not toreturnfrom thence. MomontoMory." In a neighbour-, ing pariah a momorial tnblot laments a man who "diod of a chronic abscess in his right Bide." It is a common thing to hnd assurances of the strict orthodoxy of tho doceased in monumental inscriptions. An epitaph over the remains of a cortain high sheriff of ono of the counties already noticed, who diod early in tho eighteenth century, described him as having beon valued when living, and much lamented when dead, chiefly bocause it had beon " lii« mannor " " heartily to declare against tho upstart Sect of the Brain-Sick Methodists." Very different is the Bimplo announcement on tho gravestone of a poor man who died almost in the same year, and in the same county, at the ago of 104 :—"lnterred hear, lies ono hundred years and four; No one know Scripture less and virture more ; Peace his ambition, contentment was his wealth." In tho oentre of the district that wo have been exploring we find a monument bearing an inscription which, without any breach of charity, may be called a little high-flown. After announcing that it stands ovoi the remains of Elizabeth, wife of R. 8., it adds thatß. 8., "the anti-spouse uxorious," whatever that may mean, was also " interred hero ;" and then it bursts out as follows : -

When terrestrial all in cliaoa shall exhibit efVerThe celestial'virtuea, with their full, offulnent, brilliant essence. Shall withbeamlng.boauteouaradianoe, through ebnlitlon shine, Transcanding to glorious regions, beatifical sublime. And much moro of the samo sort of stuff, —"Saturday Review."