RANDOM SHOTS.

Auckland Star, Volume XXIV, Issue 4348, 19 April 1884, Page 4

RANDOM SHOTS.

[By Zamiel.]

p*ome write, a neighbour's name to lash, Seme write—vain thought!—for needful cash, Some write to please tho country clash, And raise a din. For ms, an aim I never fush— I write for fun.

Akk the ladies of Auckland aware that this is Leap Year ? I ask the question because tho fair sox of this favoured city make no sign that they are alive to tbo peculiar privileges of tho season. In this respect they are far behind their sisters in the South ; for it is now about a month sinco the ladies of Dunedin held a " Leap Year Ball." Lost the feminine population of Auckland should be so far behind the ago ns not to know what that means, I hasten to explain that at tho Leap Year Ball referred to the ladies issued the invitations, solicited dances, treated their beaux, &c. —in short, in the words of a newspaper report, "the position of the sexes was exactly reversed;" and the whole thing, wo are further told, " was carried out with unvarying consistency !" I suppose thoro would bo a Mistress of Coremonies, and that the ladies of the committeo, in issuing the invitations, took caro to socino a preponderance of the opposite sox, so that thoy might enjoy tho ..poctnelo of a lot of languishing male "wallflowers" debarred from partners. I opino also that tho ladies would employ all the seductive arts of tho "masher," and that the gentlemen, in their character of coy damsels, would consume a fearful quantity of sweets, ice cream, anil chocolate at tho solicitation of their part tiers. But tho most interesting part of tho programme would only begin when the ball programme onded — when " l.oger do Coverley " had been danced, and tho ladies would have to act as escorts to their guests. lean imagine the pretty creatures hovering around their charges as they put on their wraps, offering their arms to lead them to the cabs they had called, whispering airy nothings in thoir ears as they sped along, and, perchance, before reaching their destination, popping the momentous question. Many young men do such things as these after a ball, and if the changing of places on the part of these Dunedinitos was carried out consistently, thero must have been not a few declarationsoflovennd eternal constancy on the way homo from the Leap Year Ball.

Why should not the Indies of this ,ity get up a Leap Year Ball, and try a little game at " Vice Versa?" t'orb.ps the bachelors of Auckland are too old birds to be caught, with such chaff ; but 1 scarcely think they would be so tingallant as to decline invitations properly made by a coterie of charming young ladies. Our t--hionabloynir.g men pride themselves on their powers of resistance as much as on their " mashing " qualities, and would be sure to go, if only out of bravado. It is not yet too late for the ladies to tako up this matter, and I hope some spirited few will move in the direction indicated. An American newspaper has gone a step furthor than was ever before attempted, by publishing a " Leap Year Register," viz., a list of all eligible bachelors in the city. Tho jolly dogs of the town provide descriptions of themselves for this register, and tbo ladies aro supplied with reliable data as to tho income, prospects, _c., of thoso to whom thoy might offer their hand, and from whom, in tho event of being rejected, they are entitled to claim a new dress. It must not bo forgotten that thero are many bashful young men who are constantly crying, in the words of tho song, " Why Don't the Girls Propose ?" and in Leap Year especially they are entitled to ask tho question sadly and reproachfully. A medical man wrote recently that girls are not constituted for jumping ; but as they are usually ready enough to jump at an offer of marriage or anything leading to it, I hope thoy will leap at my suggestion for a Leap Year Ball!

I am assured on the best authority that nearly one-half the people who witnessed the Bicycle Sports in the Domain Cricket, ground on Easter Monday "deadheaded the concern." In plain terms, they stood upon their rights, refused to pay the moderate admission fee, and pressed into the enclosure. Now, I have not tho slightest scintilla of sympathy with the pretensions of cricketing, football, and other coteries to an exclusive right to this portion of the Domain on set occasions by virtue of their expenditure of money upon it ; but, at the samo time, I have no hesitation in characterising as barefaced meanness the conduct of people who, under the miserable subterfuge of asserting their rights, will seek to evade a moderate levy in return for the amusement they wish to enjoy. In this case there was not the shadow of a principle at stake. The gate-keepers candidly admitted that they could not enforce payment, but they put it to the honour of the applicants for admission whether the sport they had come to see was not worth the modest expenditure of a Colonial Robert. To their shame, be it said, that the majority of these recusants, while coolly confessing that they had been attracted thither by the advertised sports, stood to their resolve to see them on what is colloquially known as the " never " principle.

It was a characteristic feature of this churlish and contemptible policy that tho people who " tried it on" were of the class best able to pay—the artisan and working classes, with a manly British sense of fair play, cheerfully paying their way. The ringleaders then as before were men who hold official positions in the community, and whose behaviour on this occasion was quite consistent with their usual practice. One of them marched up in the company of a bevy of ladies, and with an assumption of hauteur that illbecame him, proceeded to denounce the impositions of cricketers and 'cyclists before passing gratuitously in. Another " high and mighty " in society circles, also attended by three or four ladies, claimed the" entree on the ground that he was a trustee of the Domain, and therefore relieved from payment. This plea, however, was not entertained by the sturdy seneschal of the gate, and then the official took refuge within his rights as " one of tho public who owned the Domain," and so forced a passage through. Among these ignoble gentry were also groups of welldressed young fellows whose sense of chivalry must be in the undeveloped embryo stage if it exists at all. Parsimony is not a characteristic of youth, but there are young sneaks as well as old ones, unfortunately. Another section of the nonpayers were too timorous and shamefaced to brazen tho matter out with the gatekeepers, but they scrupled not to skulk about the remoter parts of the enclosure, and to s .ale the wall when thoy thought themaelve. unobserved.

It may be argued, of course, that no section of the public have a right to take possession of any part of the Domain and demand a price for admission to it, and

that is quite true. But no right was set up ! What vnw dono was simply this : A Club of young fellows went to the expense and trouble of organising a programme of competitive athletic sports, and very properly sought to recoup their outlay by inviting the public to pay a small fee for the privilege of witnessing the spectacles they bad provided. It is a notorious fact that very few people take the trouble to go to the Cricket Ground on ordinary occasions, but when there is anything to bo seen there in the shape of athletic contests they are attracted thither, of course ; and first and foremost among them tho potty-souled patriots who save their pockets on the flimsy pretence of safeguarding inalienable rights. As a leading lawyer indignantly remarked the other day, tho only effectual way of teaching these people to make .somo show of manliness anil honourable conduct will be to post up ov advertise tho names of thnso who invariably refuse to pay on the fow special occasions on which a charge is made for admission. If they have no objection to the perpetration of these meannesses, thoy should not blush to lot tho people know of their high-toned patriotism. Whilo they do this, lot our athletes also combine to secure a ground of their own, for this will prove a necessity in the long run.

A couple of anecdotes of "mean men" may bo culled from tho papors of other parts of tho colony, to show that tho genus is not likely to boconio extinct. The first has reference fo a "high" art performer, known ns the Australian Blondin, who is, or lately was, performing in Auckland, lie gave an exhibition at I'atea, anil induced a number of lads to "go round with the hat " by promising them 10 per cent, of the gross collection. There was a liberal shower of "dollars," but when it came lo squaring up, they only got the sum of isixpence each ! Nor was tins all. A plucky litrlo fellow, tempted by Ihe oiler of ten shillings, agreed lo be carried on tire performer's back across Iho rope, anil was so carried at the risk of bis lito. Ho was told to " call in tbo afternoon " for- the promised reward, but before the appointed lime " Illiin.lin " bail slid. If ho ever- goes back to I'atea, there is a likelihood of a splendid rope exhibition, in which liloinlin will got a ropo's end in liberal measure.

Tho other story refers to a certain " Wizard " from tho " north coiintrec," and though he seems to have been guilty of a lil tie parsimony, I scarcely think the epithet moan is fairly applied to him. I lo had boon doing excellent business at Oamaru,and bad "tricked" about 1.100 out of tlie pockets of the denizens of that.tony region. A local magnate thinking this a good chanco for securing a little aid to the Hospital, waited upon the " professor " at bis inn, nn! preferred a request for a donation. The man of legerdemain seul his wife to negotiate lire de.ionte business, and this is what look place: "Would four m-live. iillingsd r':".asked the lad v. " D.i?" responded the applicant, "Itin It inch. Auxijiis as I am to see ono of our most humane institution, tlonnsh, 1 could not even think of boing a parly to such a .sacrifice. lou would ruin yourselves by bestowing such a munificent sum out of the paltry hundred or so which tbe public of Oamaru have given you. Good day " From these facts Iho local paper lectures tho magician _>•• meanness ; but it i.- evident every '* proie .or " is not a Holloway, arrd it is wrong r > look for sneii being tin. ease. The great pil '.inn mode a princely i utmio from fools, ail., iv bestow..:, ii upon idiots ; does it therefore follow ttint the modern "wizard," having made a hundred pounds by "gammoning the llats" of o:.m:>.ru, should scatter it among the halt and the lame? Ho knows a " trick " worth two of that evidently.

Whilo spending a leisure hour in tho Supremo Court tho other day I found thai Mr Justice Gillies is not disposed to allow the Maori race to be traduced. A legal stripling, who was engaged in defending a prisoner charged with swindliog an unsuspect.ng Maori out of the proceeds ol a telegraph money order, received a lesson on this head that materially tended to tone down tho exuberance ot bis verbosity. In the course of an ad •■ap/antluui atldr. s., tending to discredit the case for tbe prosecution. Hie youthful tvi« a,..1 K uwn i. marked : "It is a .ell-known fact, gentle mon, that the Maoris, as a race, are very much addicted to lying," whereupon His Honor at once interposed with the rebuke that the gentleman had no right thus to libel a raco who were certainly us truthful as any European people. He wished to know what authority tbe counsel foi- the defence had for his unwarrantable statement, Thus challenged, tlieyouuglawyerpioinpUv retorted that many eminent writers whom he had read asserted it as a fact. His Honor replied that in all his rending con corning tho Maoris ho had never met. with such a calumny, and oven if ho had bis own experience of them would disproveit. Rather abashed, tho advocate rejoined that the best ethnologists laid it down as it general truth that whenever an inferior- rue-, uomes into contact with a superior oi v, tire former invariably resort to craft, and subtlety. His Honor replied severely r ■■;._ ethnological writers were not an authority in that Court, and with this clincher the matter ended.

As one who has very frequently listened to the evidence of Maori witnesses on oath, I must confess my inclination to endorse the Judge's statement. In moro than one respect the average Maori witness throws hisaveragepale-faced brothercomplotely in to tho shade. Generally, he tolls a consistent and truthful story, and he certainly answers far more clearly and straightforwardly the categorical questions put to him by tbe examining counsel. Europeans, on the contrary, very often seem unable to comprehend the drift of a direct question, whilo tho Scotchman, in particular, has a proverbial faculty for fencing a question by asking another.

In connection with this it may bo mentioned that, at the same fitting of tho Court alluded to above, another Maori bore unconscious testimony to the fact that tho out-settlers succeed in impregnating the native mind with a wide knowledge of Anglo-Saxon profanity before teaching them anything else. The aboriginal under notice had charged a European with shoot ing his horse, and, although unacquainted with the English language, stated in the course of his evidence that the prisoner had told him to go to —. When asked by the cross-examining barrister if he had not previously called out to the prisoner, "Stop ! Don't shoot my horse," the Maori, in evident surprise, answered in his own tongue that he could not possibly have said so, as ho was unable to utter such words. " Then," retorted the learned counsel, "how can you manage to say and to understand 'Go to—' ?" The Maori, with a smile of amusement at the idea that he should be ignorant of such a cosmopolitan objurgation, readily replied, "Oh, of course, I understand that much English !" Where are the missionaries ?

Mr John Marie Grace writes to me that the story about a supposed dispute between his late father and some man named McCormick has probably been put up

by some " malicious, un truthful gascon of an old colonist." That it cannot be true he thinks is conclusively proved by tiro tacts that his father, so far from being an ilitorate man, had in youth been apprenticed to Mr Ilynos, a veterinary surgeon, and was afterwards manager of I hat gentleman's horse bazaar at Watorford •, that, he had boon mtiteof a brig, and wasengagctl as storebuyer under Mr Urar, Sui'voyoi'-Gonoial of New Zealand, in all of which capacities be kept accounts. .Subsequently he managed his own books in connection wilb an extensive carting business, which, with other writings, are now in iho possession of my correspondent. Mr .1. T. lioylnn writes to the same ell'ect; ho "had business transactions with Mr- I'race for many yoirs, and received many accounts in bis own handwriting." I think it only fair to mention these facts, which dispose of the sto*y. I retailed il, as it was lold to mc, but my informant has evidently got info a confusion of names, and, like Buttercup with those babies, has somehow mixed things up.

Tho most novel feature of the Ponsonby Regatta was furnished by a young limb of the law anil an amiable hoifilogiogrnphor, who, while not eschewing tho company of tho fair sox, have managed, by judiciously dividing thoir favours, t" keep themselves clear of the matrimonial net. These adroit younggontlomon were boing rowed aboul tho harbour in state by nine "fair love-sick maidens." Kimtliui-no, in all his glory, novel attained to anything co exquisitely all but. A seraphic smile illumined the intellectual brows of these favourites of fortune as they calmly locliiied on their seats and meditated sonnets to the transooudontally beautiful. The performance was watched with a melancholy anil envious admiration by various forlorn bachelors aboard tho flagship, who were emphatically ami unanimously ni opinion that this sort of monopoly is quite too-tooey, The more experienced, however, who havo nccn lire hollowness of such joys, could not avoid a sardonic grin as Ihey thought prophetically of the retribution 'to como, when these little delusive exhibitions of stibmissiveness to tbe "lords of creation " shall have done their perfect work, and their deluded recipients ;shall bo awakened to the realities of Ihe midnight wail and tho implacable domain 1 for tho replenished feeding-bottle.

Several well-moaning citizens have inaugurated a Young Men's Anti-Kmokiinr Association al the In-dilute, Wellesleystreet, and in order lo give to it, a kind of guarantee of iiccc.ily and advantage to youth, have induced two medical gentlemen te become honorary members. Tho promoters are itilly persuaded that tho habit of smoking is injurious lo .sound health, and productive of artificial thirst. Over- indulgence in any habit: is prejudicial lo Ihe physical sy .loin, but smoking, save in a few in. .ances, does no! create artificial thirst, bill mi tho other hand tends to allay (hirst. Mmy medical run recommend Ihe temperate use of tobacco, and there is little doubt but that a moderate use of the "fragrant weed," under certain circumstances, is beneficial: but whon used to excess, as by Spaniards and Turks, tobacco exercises a baneful inllucnco, and is destructive of facial beauty. A prodig'ous smoker soon loses ruddiness of complexion, and inclines towards laziness. Seine literary men, especially Byron and Charles Lamb, and in his early days. Tennyson (I cannot think of the poet as "My Lord "j, wero inveterate -mokers. Byron avowed that his most beautiful idea* were conceived with a pipe in bis mouth : iv fact, he could not compose without his yard of clay. Charles Lamb, however, threw his comforter asitlo as a deleterious enemy that should be religiously avoided, ami wrote an elegy upon his silent companion. Smoking may not be destructive of life, but it may pro-

dtice lassitude of mind and body. A simple headstone in Daitford Churchyard, Kent, lolls a brief story irr favour of smoking:-.

"John Gibson, aged 100, retained hifaculties to the last. He was inucii attached to smoking, and in accord :ince with hi. expressed wish his pipe was placed in bis coffin. /_••/«/._■"/ ,-t ...■.-.-." ( '.insidciiiig that every phase of Auckland society has ils representative in

..il-.ui ■;:., J :.i_ not Burpri. __1 tit the est.ib i-hnienl of an Anfi Smoking Association specially when thousands of youths, ill

eluding tbo inglorious army of larrikins, prowl about the streets of this city with pavement* te the disgust of decern (oik. Dr. Dlooiu.'ie'.u's little pamphlet o. •' Tol .teco ; its Nature an. Propciiics." which the Sccrclary di.stribiUes ::ra!i-i tously, cord .ins many serviceable Inuts i i young men, and is. ivi;:r:il, a powerful protest against Lbe habit oi sluuking. xxx Those young lovers who make :r p notice of studying rclronoiny iv i:h. .. • of two, with the Domain for an on., rv,-. wy, are. loud in their complaints oonccriiiii'.. tli-.* action of persons who dog their foonlep: and not luifrcquently demand blackmail oi C')ii()les quite iiinoeeut of all thought oi guile. "/amiul" is acquaiiited with it Cupid and Psyche who have not spooned In the Domain since ono beautiful uioonli .Iri, night, twelve months ago, and tkis is bowit was : They sat beneath a giant pollutekawa, and the moonbeams darting through tbo branches cast a delicate net-work of light and shade on tho perfume-breathing sward. Cupid had just, offered to endew his loved ono with half his wordly possessions, and Psyche had blushingly given vent to the stereotyped "Ask papa," when the twain wore startled by a rustling in the undergrowth behind them, and the unmistakable rattling of a chain. Simultaneously with affrighted baste they turned and tho marrow froze in their bones as they perceived by the uncertain light a man of hideous form, with a few links of an iron chain depending from his neck. Psyche yelled out "Mar," and Cupid rose and was preparing to seek safety in flight, when the terrible object emitted a mournful cry, and with one gigantic bound, disappeared from sight. Cupid and Psyche do not know to this day how they reached Stanley-street, and tho perturbation concerning the horrid apparition did not leave them till they discovered that a pet baboon kept by a resident of Mechanics' Bay occassionally broke his chain and ranged tho leafy recesses of the Domain.

Major Atkinson, speaking at Hawera last week, promised that Government would inquire into the working of the totalisator, and Superintendent Thomson, of Auckland, has this week thought it expedient for the police to inquire into the doings of ono of the instruments at Ellerslie racecourse. There would seem to have been something particularly "crooked" about the "running" of one of tbe " machines" at the races on Easter Monday and Tuesday. Ido not propose to enter into the merits of the local totalisator dispute. The tergiversations of the machine may bo daringly criminal, or they may be only the result of carelessness or stuoidity, or dofective construction ; but it seems plain that, though the attack on the legal gambling apparatus was provoked by another cause, the popular wrath recognised something culpable in its former incorrect " totalisating." What I cannot help remarking is the promptitude with

which executive action has followed upon legislative intention. The Premier merely indicates, irr reply to a question, that he disapproves of "any public recognition of gambling," and lo ! within .week, the Auckland police are pouncinguponthemaehino.Of course Imay bo told That thero is no connection between tho two circumstances ; but, as one who likes to invest a pound occasionally in the hitherto impartial apparatus, 1 cannot help thinking that there is n "down" upon gambling, and that Major Atkinson having mado people economical in other respects, is now bent upon curtailing their expenditure on enjoyment, and making thorn severely moral. With his great financial genius, especially in the direction of "milking" a patient public, I wonder bo docs not propose to impose a tax of say 10 per cent, on all totalisator drawings. In this way he might relieve his "tightness of chest" without any move "piiblte recognition of gambling" than prevails at present. A very palpable advantage would be that the "machine" being worked under Government supervision, would be taught to " totalisato " correctly, and public dissatisfaction would be allayed

The sequel to the .story of domestic complications which was recently told in those columns is nllonled by the Monckton prosecution at Wellington. II will bo remembered thai after lire girl's return from Sydney irr the liai-ls of I be police, sho proceeded South under (ho care of her sister. II was considered at the timo that she w.-.s repentant, but appearances were again deceptive. When tbe couple reached Wellington, the younger girl managed to give her sister the slip, antl once finding herself free, instituted lire present proceedings. The local police smile sceptically at the prosecutor's statement that her sister tried lo compel her to heroine a prostitute, nnd are decidedly of opinion thai the assertion should be taken cunt tjrano sails. + + .- Few positions could be more embarrassing than that in which a respected young friend of niino was placed the other day. Ho formed one of a party of excursionists lo Riverhead on Good Friday. and Ihe attractions of Ihe place made such an impression upon bis susceptiblo nature thai ho was loth to leave. The warn ing notes of tho steamer's whistle betokening hei intending departure rounded while be was deeply immersed in the delights of a farewell glass at the local hostelry. His " go-as-yotl please" to tbo lauding was done nt high pressure, but for once in his life my friend was too late. Tbe

steamer bad gono without him. However grieved in spirit he might have felt at having missed the opportunity of a trip home with so large an assemblage of charming t.'ood Templar-esses, lire weight of a nunc terrible calamity was destined to fall upon him. Diving' bis bands into the pockets of bis nether garments he was iiiiirmcil to discover that the utmost extent of his financial resources was four coppers. His position was not by any means an envirblo one—a stranger in a strange land, and without money. There was no other steamer to town that night, and only two alternatives presented themselves to him : on the one hand lie might walk to town, a distance of twenty-live miles, while on the other ho could lay bis unfortunate position before the hotelkeeper, and seek a lodging on the premise of future payment. My friend's pedal extremities are noi lo be despised, but twenty-live miles of solid walking was a prospect too terrible to contemplate. Therefore, relying upon the open, ingenious countenance of which he boasts, he presented him self to the landlord, pleaded bis poverty, and was taken in antl cared for. Similar kind treatment at Ihe hands of the master of the Blanche enabled my young friend to reach town on the following morning; but, he vows that for tbe future he will never go holiday-making without first mv] in_ ample financial provision in tho even, of similar unforeseen contingencies that may arise.

A branch of the New Zealand Seamen's Union having been established here, I have endeavoured to ascertain its objects antl ;,o. ..ible results. Tho Society, it appears, in comprised of all classes of seamen sailing out of iho colonies, vi,-.., officers, •arpenters, iircinen, coal-trimmers, cooks, stewards, and seamen of all grades, banded together " to maintain such wages as .-ball from time to timo be fixed as the lair equivalent for their k,hour,.-u. I ;.u i he .ene.nl protection ol Ihe i i.id.,- ami in;, icsts.u seamen.their wellbeie ; socially .-md morally.'' The member* tire bourn: |, v certain rules, in whioh. am..iv:.-- o!hei* Hiiiigs, ii is stipulated that they ■; •' on I,\ '.tea j.t oi 'employment under certain com, di,.ii - aa. aril- wiv.-es, for instance shall !_■ ... .;:: ■by, no i ocietv. Kieoi: ii un. r.j c •", -.•' .■i .• lawful day's work i,; a . }■ >ri,-. -.nd ■ : oM. -ads, and any nicmoei .«>■; in- tlri- uio is liable lo la oxpoll.:.i i an.l it'i.-i ...piii -.1 "thai no .aiior shall La,,- :.ee,!.,;■( , . v,,.,-l. in tlrcced .eel's tleparlme... Un!...: '■•■ has obtained bis disci, argo al the .in I oorl, and vice, cr,.,, " Tbo breaking of ihi- rule is te be followed by a lino of 11. Jn event of any number oi' members being on strike, they arc allowed support from Ihe funds of the Union, and also in cases of sickness. Theso appear to me very similar to the rules which usually govern protection societies, and are no doubt of great assistaneo to " our tars ;" but how fur shipmates will go to receive them favourably is quite a different, matter, and presents a difficulty. It is asserted, however, by the Secretary of the Union that in the South they have even received the thanks of employers of labour, so that if affairs can be carried out thus amicably, there seems no reason te object to tbe Union. There is one feature, however, which to many will be looked on as objectionable, viz., that tho Union objects to members working with coloured seamen or foreigners, unless tho latter have become naturalised British subjects. John Chinamen,of courscis excluded more particularly than all others. The Union is now in full swing at the principal New Zealand ports, and its ell'ucts for good or. evil will be no doubt, watched with interest.

Mormons, like other men, have their little troubles and weaknesses, and although their croed permits them to practise polygamy, it does happen that occasionally one of the brotherhood, even after he has taken unto himself a wife, experiences unusual difficulty in keeping her. It is a natural sequence, if some of the fraternity will monopolise two, three, or half-a-dozen of the opposite sex, that just now and again competition for wives must become keen, and thus we hoar some unfortunate husband wailing, "She's gone away with Brigham Young a Mormonite to be." For several years past there has resided in Auckland a follower of the " Great Mahomet," who, with a wife and family, appealed to live very happily. But recently a Mormon brother paid a visit to the couple, and, quite unsuspected by tho husband, managed, with his " wheedlin' and botherin' ways," to steal away her affections, and ultimately the visitor and the good lady eloped by an outward-bound steamer. The husband, not to be outdone, applied for and was granted two months' leave of absence from a public body by which he

was employed, and ho is now in full chase after tho runaway couple, in hopes of convincing bis unfaithful spouse that she has done °" exec .ling wrong," and in due course bring her back to her homo and bairns.

Somo queer stories are alloat in connection with the totalisator squabble at Ellerslie on Tuesday. It is openly asserted that a prominent police otlicer heightened the effect by bis appearance in a decidedly elevated condition, and by his most eccentric behaviour while under the inlloenee of wai/■era. Humour hath it that at one moment he threatened the crowd with the awful power at his command, nt tbe noxt ho pleaded with them to relieve him of the embarrassing consequences of a rebellion, that he called upon his half-dozen men to form squares and charge the enemy, that he besought thorn to cull at his olticc in Hie morning anil receive their dividends, and in the next breath promised to shoot them down like rings if they did not disperse. All this time the multitude hooted and ridiculed him, pelted gravel at his noble form, and clamoured for their money. The story may bo true, or it may not, but there is no doubt that the policemen present were placed in a very humiliating position, where the exorcise of a slight display of firmness and intelligence would havo prevented tho scene that occurred.

Doatli is (binning tbo ranks of English novelist.. of .minencc. Anthony Tiollope died a lev months ago, and now Charles Hemic 1 as followed him to the grave. Among the r.ivors are Wilkie Collins, It. I). DTnckh; , Itebort Buchanan, and (leorgo .McD.u.uld, but all these may be considered lo havo produced their best works, an.i ;• : it likely to add mttch to their reprrii'i n.- in the fir lure. There arc, in addition '.-iters who have written good novels -n.a '■ - which ha c bad an immense run .such a-' some of those of William Black antl .lames Payn, and it may bo a question whether the two last named ought not to be ranker! along with the four mentioned just above. If, to avoid controversy, I make this concession, there remain then six novelists of note and popularity ; but it is scarcely probable, arguing from analogy, that airy of them will publish anything superior' to what they have already produced. The s-plendour of their success may be brilliant, but its brightness will hardly be added to, and it may possibly diminish as time lulls on. The novel reader, theretore, scans Ihe horizon rather anxiously to try and pick out. tbe coming novelist who shall lake bis place among the great ones who have gone or are going, and raise the hour above mediocrity. He sees scores of writers approaching; but they are very much of a size. In the general crowd ho cannot distinguish any that overtop their fellows to such a degree as to be at once remarkable. They are for the most part pigmies whose stature does not reach tbe average standard. That standard is low enough, as all must admit. Out of the tliree or four hundred novels published every year, how many of them come up even to the requirements of the average leader, whose sole mental pabulum is the fiction of the circulating-library order? And bow many will bear reading twice ? Those which escape the butterman's limbo,and survive to the next season, may be counted on the fingers of one hand.

Another inquiry, or rather, anotherpart of the same question is, what will the coming novel be ? Will it run on old and familiar lines, or mark out a course for itself? Will sensationalism and realism have a new lease Df life, raised by a master hand from the debased environment te which they have sunk? Will ingenious storytelling, tho art of constructing an intricate plot as perfect as the movement of a watch, where each incident hangs on to and arises naturally out of what has preceded, will this art, I say, find a fresh exponent ? Wilkie Collins and Charles lteade have been the great master, of it. Before their day one of the most notable exemplars was Miss Jane Porter, who wrote " Thaddcus of Warsaw ' and " Scottish Chiefs." Thackeray lacked Ibis kind of skill altogether, and Dickens did not possess any remarkable share of it. The novel of locality - description has been greatly popularised of late years by William Black; but after all, there arc not very many who can go through, resolutely and without skipping, page after page of oigliellown descriptive narration full of superlatives, and often degenerating into i est at ie non.-onse. The scenes depicted may be lovely enough, but tho most skilled word-painter can scarcely hopo to make l hem sufficiently concrete and real to many besides those who are actually acquainted willi them. Then there is the characternovel, which has been developing in all sorts of w.-.vs during the past decade. If '.:.••.-..' .;'o .' ' was not the originator of il- a! "-IV .'Mo she was the author who ie.de i:, .to,vers ally keo-.vn. In America il has :..':.-. deep rout lo all appearance, tlarpcr's M.v;azine :<<■ example, furnishes speeimei..- o. n;imc_m.. and varied cxpei'iin.iii.s... .[;'■ .ireciio,'. -ome of them read üb'eaiii. en c .: mc "■: .-: but most of them dull aire vi.i iiing. :'.. class of fiction is so likely '.■! becoii'C :-,:.;ious as character ilescripiio.i i.r the hand.-, of an incompetent artist. 1. i.< liaiifjerous r > cjnjure with the wand of •' George Eliot.

To return to lire starting point, " Who is the coming novelist,?" As it is proverbially risky to prophesy unless one knows, I will not pretend to give a definite answer. It may, however, bo possiblo to name half a dozen writers from any one of whom remarkable, and even phenomenal, fiction may reasonably be looked for. Take first Mr Laurence Oliphaut.the author of two novels " Piccadilly " and " Altiora Poto," as well as a volume of travels. The latter novel is composed solely of character painting; there is scarcely a line of place-description between tho covers. Mr Oliphant reminds one of Thackeray ; but the likeness is not very marked, and in one department of the art he is ahead of the older master, viz., in his female dramatis personae. " Altiora Peto " is to say the least a very striking book ;it shows its author capable of great things, and affords more than enough reason for the popularity which it has obtained in England. Another novel which recently made a sensation is ' John Inglosant," by J. H. Shorthouse. His next production of any pretensions will be looked for with more than ordinary curiosity. A daughter of Canon Kingsley has, within the last few months, made her debut as a novelist, writing under a norn de plume. Her first book has been received with favour by the reviewers. If the lady has inherited a goodly share of the talents of her father, she can hardly fail to make her mark on the time. Then there is Mr M arion Crawford, who has written several tales (e.g., " Mr Isaacs " " Dr Claudius" and "ToLeeward") withina very short period. His danger seems tobe that of writing too much, a pitfall by which many promising writers of fiction have come to untimely ends. One more novelist, and my list closes. The writer of "Vice Versa ; a Lesson to Fathers" achieved in that comical book an undoubted success, which he is trying to increase by something more ambitious iv character,

It remains to bo seen whether he will endure the blaze of popularity, and whether ho has that within him which will secure for him a lasting reputation. Here, then, aro five promising writers to choose from ; but it is very likely the '* coming man " has not been named.