Feminine Strategy.

Auckland Star, Volume VI, Issue 1635, 15 May 1875, Page 6 (Supplement)

Feminine Strategy.

How a Danbtjby Wife Supplied Hebself with Kindling Wood.

Ljjhes who have husbands who are neglectful in supplying them with kindlings should carefully study the experience of a Division &treet sister. All her married life she has had an unbroken struggle with her husband to keep herself supplied with wood, and the greater part of the time she has been obliged to depend upon her own deftnees with the axe, and any man who has seen a woman handle an axe knows what a dreadful thing it is. Two months ago she begged of him not to go away without leaving her some kindlings, He said he wouldn't. But he finally did. Then she hit upon a plan. She had four dozen clothespins. She took one dozen of them for starting the fire, and found they worked admirably. The next day she used another dozen, and so she continued until the four dozen were gone. Then she went to the store and purchased another four dozen—having them ' put in the bill.* When they were gone she repeated the errand. She said no more to him about kindlings. Kor ten years she had kept up the battle, and now she was tired and sick at heart. He could go his own way and she would go hers—patiently, uncomplainingly—until the end would come. On Monday he signified at the store that he would like to settle his account. The bill was made out and handed him. He glanced down the items. As he advanced along the column his face began to work. First his eyes slowly enlarged, then his mouth gradually opened, caused by the drooping of his lower jaw; and wrinkles formed on his forehead. One third down the column he formed his lips as if to whistle. Half way down he said: ' Gracious!' A little on he said: 'Thunder!' Pour more lines were taken in, and he spoke again: ' By the jumping Jupiter!' Then he read on, smiting his thigh vigorously, and giving vent to various expressions of the liveliest nature. Einally he threw the bill down. •Isay Benson, look here; this bill can't be mine; youv'e got me mixed up with some laundry.' 1 That's your bill, sir' said the grocer smiling pleasantly. ' I tell you it can't be,' persisted the Division street man, beginning to look scared. ' Why, here's fifty-five dozen clothes-pins in a two months' bill. What on earth do you take me for—a four-story laundry ?' 'But it is your bill. Tour wife can explain it to you. She ordered the pins.' 'My wife.' gasped the unfortunate man. . j ' Yes, sir.' The debtor clutched the bill, jammed it into his pocket, and hurried straight home. He bolted into the house without any abatement of speed, and flinging the paper on the table before his wife, knocked his hat Jon the bacjc of his head, and said: r 'Martha. Ann Johnson,^what] does

this mean ? There are fifty-five dozen clothes pins in Benson's bill for the past two months, and he said you ordered every blessed one of them.' ' And so I did,' said she demurely, JW-h-at! Fifty-five dozen clothes pins in two months 1' and he shot down into a chair as if a freight car had fallen atop of him. 'Fifty-five dozen clothes-pins in two months!' he howled. ' Will a just heaven stand that!' ' I tell you, you needn't stare at me in that way, Beuben Wheeler Johnson, nor go calling unto heaven with your impiousness. I ordered them clothes pins myself, and I have burnt every one of 'em in that there stove, just because you were too all-fired lazy to get a stick of wood. And I declare, before I'd be bothered jawing and fighting to get you to cut wood, I'll burn every clothes pin in the land, and you shall pay for them, if you have to sell the shirt on your back to do i . So now!' And Mrs. Johnson, with a face pike scarlet, snatched up the broom, and went to sweeping the carpet as if every flake of dust was a ied hot coal, while the unhappy Mr. Johnson hastened to the store and paid the bill. And before dark that night he had a half cord of wood sawed, split and piled up ready for use. — Banhury News.