Cure for a Stomach Ache.

Auckland Star, Volume VI, Issue 1621, 24 April 1875, Page 6 (Supplement)

Cure for a Stomach Ache.

Thomson lived next door, and, like most intelligent men, took a newspaper. On ono pa&e of Thomson's newspaper were a variety of paragraphs, useful and entertaining, and amongst those Thomson read —■' Instantaneous Cure for Pains in the Stomach: —If you are troubled with pains in the stomach, stand on your head for a few minutes, and instantaneous relief will be felt.' That was just the very thing Thomson wanted. He had often pains in the stomach, especially on Sunday niglits, but could never get an instantaneous cure —medicine of any description he abominably hated. Now Thomson stored this up in his memory, determined to give it a fair trial ; in fact almost wished he had an attack on purpose to test it. Well, on Sunday night last, after eating a nice piece of ham, and a morsel, as he afterwards said, of jam tart for supper, Thomson went to bed. He fell into a pleasant nap for an hour or two, but by and bye he began to be rather fidgetty ; presently the pains attacked him. Jumping out of bed. Thomson drew on his boots and rush ed out into the backyard. Keturning after a bit, and while passing through the lobby, the instantaneous cure snddenly flashed across his memory. Now was his opportunity! His wife was upstairs in bed, there was plenty of room in the lobby and no one likely to disturb him because ho felt rather light clothe

Down went his hands and head, and stretching his legs to tho opposite wall, ho gave one spring and over he came, the right boot hooking on to one of tho bent cloak pegs, and pegging him effectually. Before a minute was up Thomson thought he had enough of the cure, but to get his boot off the peg he couldn't ; he hadn't suflicient strength in his arms to raise his weight up even half an inch. He tried to shout but had no voice, somehow he felt slightly upset about the throat. Knocking with his hand on the floor, ho succeeded in waking up Topsy, who always slept at tho bedroom door. Down he came, three steps at a time, and barking like to choke himself. Seeing the figure in the lobby, without a moment's hesitation ho rushed at him, seizing hold of the only covering he had, which had fallen over his head and face, and tore it to shrcads, leaving poor Thomson as bare as Adam before the Fall. Mrs. Thomson awokf? with the noise, and, missing Thomson from her side, suspected there were burglars in the house. Lighting her candle, she went down stairs, and seeing the figure the thought flashed upon her that Thomson had committed suicide upside down, and fainted. Hearipg the awful racket in Thomson's,the neighbours of course broke open the door, and a light having been struck, ' A knife, a knife, to cut him down! Thomson's hanged himself!' But when they went to cut him down,' discovered of course that he was hanging by the leg. Half-an-hour afterwards Thomson recovered consciousness, and explained matters. If tho boy that used to deliver that ' darned paper' ever comes within a hundred yards of Thomson's house, or makes believe he has got the belly-ache, Thomson hunts him.