SOME FUN.

Auckland Star, Volume VI, Issue 1538, 16 January 1875, Page 5 (Supplement)

SOME FUN.

A depraved punster says he shall smoke if he chewß, too. It waß a bright boy who told his teacher that there were three sects— the male sex, the female sex, and the insects. " I am afraid you will come to want," said an old lady to a young gentleman. " I have come to want already," was the reply. " I want your daughter." When a Connecticut deacon nudged a somnolent worshipper with the contribution box, the sleepy individual awoke partially, smiled, murmured " I don't smoke !" and dropped off again. I clasped her tiny hand in mine ; I vowed to shield her from the wind, and from the world's cold storms. She set her beauteous eye on me, and with her little lipa said she, " An umbrella will do as well !" A schoolboy spelled " sob," and when asked to define it, blundered out : v " It means when a feller don't want to cry, and it bursts out itself." Another defined a comma as " a period with a tail." Portly old swell (on reading Prof. Tjndal's speech)—" Dear me! Is it possible ! Most 'xtr'ord'nary I—(throws down the Review)— that I should have been originally a ' Primordial Atomic Globule 1'" Quilp Bays that while domestic broils may not always be beefsteaks, yet when he is in trouble he always goes to his wife for consolation and gets it. He says that only a woman can hem the ragged edge of anxiety. A young man' has been arrested in New York for sleeping in a standing position. He would stand on the street for hours at a stretch, with his eyes closed, and not move a muscle. It is hereditary. His father was a policeman. • As a river boat was loading at La Crosso a large grey mule refused to go on board. The mate sung out to a deck hand, "Twist his tail and he'll come." Like Casabianca, that deck hand obeyed orders, and, like Casabianca, he nobly died. "Do you know why you are like the third term ?" said Susan Jane to her brother, who lingered to talk with her Adolphus after the old folks had retired. "No, I don't." " Well," replied his saccharine Bister, "it's beciuße you're one too many." ■ It remained for a Washington navy-yard man to develop originality in a love affair. He didn't ask for a lock of hair, or purloin -a photograph; he slipped in at the backgate one night and stole from the clothesline and carried home, pressing it to his aching bosom, her—her—well, it was an undergarment. A French gentleman on coming home from the theatre was surprised at the hubbub in the porter's lodge. He soon learned the cause — his mother-in-law had suddenly expired. He invited the persons present to note that he had just returned from the theatre, as he wished to be in a position to establish an alibi. A country, paper engaged a reporter to travel and send by wire all important news. The reporter was » novice, and Mat from'

Squan Beach, N.J., the following important news to his paper : " A New Yoik judge is down shooting here." The editor in charge telegraphed back to his hireling: " Loan yourself to him for a target, and !" The

reporter's obituary is now in type.