CONFESSIONS OF A FLIRT.

Auckland Examiner, Volume IV, Issue 276, 27 June 1860, Page 3

CONFESSIONS OF A FLIRT.

Chapter HI. (ContiniMd from No. 273.) Why did I fondly dream it all but fable, When poets told How woman’s heart was as the winds-unstable, As night dews cold ; And how her strongest love was aye unable To withstand gold ’

Another month passed slowly by. I wrote as usual; but I no longer felt much pleasure in doing so. I was deceiving Goodwin, and he often wrote that he thought my letters melancholy, and urged me to drive away all sad thoughts, as another month would jsojn be past, and then- we should be happy. Alas ! alas ! he little knew how I dreaded the end ol that month; when 1 should see him again, and have to encounter the gaze of those clear truthful eyes 1 could not find courage to write and tell him- that I- did not love him as at first. 1 had not seen enough of Sir Frederick for that, but I was . soon to be thrown into his society again. Mr. and Mrs. Howard returned home, after spending the honeymoon on the Continent. And then Lucy asked , me to visit her. And, she wrote—You. may bring all your ' new dresses, for here is Sir Frederick, as eager to admire yon as eves. Oh ! how readily I accepted that invitation ; for I w as tired of my quiet home- Lucy had-not seen Goodwin, I and wonld never believe in my engagement to him. She ' said that it was only a fancy, and told me to be wise, and never full in-love with a poor man. fn the hurry of preparation,! partly forgot my perplexities. I took my new dresses, and arrived at Fernhill, in high spirits. Lucy shewed me her home with pride, and laughingly told me that Tliorabury (Sir Frederick’s place) was quite as beautiful. And then you know, she continued, there is the advantage of a title. Of course yon would take the precedence, and I must hide my diminished head ; but I would bo good-natured, and do all that, if yon would only marry Sir Frederick, and iorget that poor parson. We were very gay at Fernhill. We went to ball after ball, party after party, and Sir Frederick was my constant attendant. He gave a bull at Thornbnry in honor of the bride, and I was the acknowledged belle of the evening. I was aln-ost wild with feverish excitement, and had it not been for my engagement, 1 thought 1 should have been perfectly happy. But the “still small voice” within would not be silenced, and many a time in the midst, of the gay brilliant scene, whilst 1 lent n willing ear to the flatteries of Sir Frederick, did it whisper to my he. rt the name of Goodwin St. John. My visit came to an end ut hist, and 1 left Fernhill. accompanied by Mr. and Mrs Howard, who were going to see Lucy’s father. I returned to my quiet home to dream over the past, and hope fur the time » hen Sir Frederick would come over tu 11 large ball al llillsbrook. whicl was to take place during Lucy’s visit. Of Goouwii.’s return 1 dared not think in my inmost soul. 1 felt th a 1 still Lved him; for himself alone, more than Sir Frederick, and wished he bad been rich , but then ho was uol

.licit, and Sir Frederick was. And though I did not own it even to myself, yet 1 was willing to sacrifice his love and my word for wealth. Fit fate for me, weak, falsehearted girl tliutl was 1 The day of the ball dawned at last. The three months that had seemed so long and dreary to me at fiist were added to the past, yet Goodwin had not named tiro day of bis return. I had received his letters as usual; but there was an almost imperceptible change in the tenor of 1 them, as though his pure soul was at last burdened with a doubt as to my constancy. He did not say so ; but my guilty conscience was quick in finding the change. Sir Frederick hud called upon me in the morning, and brought me a choice bouquet. I accepted it with a blushing, s oiling countenance ; bnt my heart sank the while, and 1 could not speak. Sir Frederick no doubt attributed my confusion to a far diflerent cause to real one ; for he took his leave almost tenderly, saying he should not be happy again until evening. Ah, Goodwin, Goodwin! the time approaches now. Why did I not return that bouquet to the giver? Why did not my false heart beat truly and only for you ? Why did I not g'ive up that fatal ball, withall its alluring pleasures, its guilty attractions, to be yours only and for ever ? But it is too late, too late now. 1 went to my toilet in a restless state of mind ; 1 felt as if a crisis was approaching. 1 bad a presentiment that the war within me would soon be at an end ; and I made a firm resolution that love should not stand between me an I the possess 01 of wealth. I would be mistress of 'Jhirnbury, if possible. I shuddered now at the very idea of becoming a poor vicar’s wife ; yet still in my heart 1 wished it hud been Goodwin who was rich ; but I gazed for a moment at my toilet table, with its gems and jewels sparkling- in the light of the silver lamp, the silken curtains, whoso rich folds swept the costly carpet under my feet, and X was strengthened in my resolution. I stood before my glass and adorned myself, and as I proceeded, my brow grew clearer, and my lips became less firmlyicompressed. I put on my robe of the softest white satin covered with lace, and family jewels my father had given-me ; one string of those precious stones laygleamingon my forehead like a coronet, and as I arranged the long sunny curls falling from under them, I saw that I was very beautiful. I fastened the necklace on my neck, and the bracelets on my arms, and then I surveyed myself with a quickly beating heart. Is this a form, I thought, to be buried in obscurity—to be looked upon only by rustics and country squires ? Never 1 never ! —Fool that I was, why did I not remember that the g'a ie of one only whose eyes are eloquent with love, was far more to be desired than the coldly admiring, or envious gaze of thousands. I descended the wide staircase, and swept into the-drawing-room, where I had left my bouquet, and there I found myself face to face with Goodwin St. John. 1 met the gaze I had dreaded so long, those earnest truthful eyes were bent upon-me, and 1 quailed beneath their radiance. 1 could not return it: and my heart beat wildand fast, as I gasped Goodwin !’ Ada, my Ada 1 he cried, my own darling !i—liow happy lam to see yon again. And how lovely you look I My beloved one looks like a queen. For an instant I forgot my resolution, and sank upon his breast; but the kiss upon my forehead was like a poinard at my heart, I sprang from his embrace, and stood confronting him. Be looked wildly at me for aninstant, and then in a strangely calm voico, he said, Aro yon then changed, Ada ?’ Yes! 1 passionately exclaimed, 1- am changed 1 Goodwin, leave me. forget me , I can never be yours. Oh 1 Ii an not worthy of you—leave me! lean never, never marry you ! Ho stood firm as a rock before me as he said, Ada, answer me one question, and I will' be answered ere I' leave you. One thing only shall drive me from your side have you ceased to love me Sand again he bent that gaze up in me, as though he would read my very soul, and again 1 could not bear it. 1 covered my face with my hands, and was silent. 1 -knew he should be answered, and 1 knew if my answer was yes, he would leave me and I should be free. Why did 1 not say that little word at once ? Oil, I could not ; he was dearer to me than I had thought; and now that the moment of. trial was come, and I again heard the music of bis voice, my stern resolve was shaken ; but only for a moment. Recovering myself with a mighty effort, and uncovering my face, with bowed head, I gave utterance to the lie, Goodwin, I have ceasodtolove you. Never, never shall I forget the expression of utter des- , pair that crossed his features. He sank in a chair, and hiding Iris face, was still, perfectly still, for what seemed to be an age. At length be rose and approached me. Ada, he said, and I started at the sound of his so altered was it. Ada, y will leave you, and for ever, y will not reproa, h you. I gave you my entire, undivided affection. 1 thought you had given me yours ;it seems I was mistaken. I love yon so, that I will not even ask to whom you have given it ; it matters not to me, it is not mine. I thought by your letters you were changed, but I wonld not believe it until I had it from your own lips. I'hnve heard it now, and y know my fate ; but oh ! shall I be able to bear it ? He shuddered violently, and again shaded his face, but presently calming himself, ha raised his prayerful eyes to heaven, and murmured; Father ! I trust in Thee 1 Then taking my cold hand in his, he kissed it, and saying, I shall ever pray for your happiness, Ada, he left me. y had stood like a statue during this scene, but when he was gono-the ioy feeling passed away, and y sprang forward, Goodwin, Goodwin, Goodwin ! and y listened silently for him to return, but no, he was ,gone—gone, and he had said for ever. y would not weep, y would oonqner this weak follynow, and for ever. Goodwin St, John was nothing to me. [ was free. 1 returned to my glass and smoothed my disordered dress. I was startled at the wildness of my appearance. I went to the ball. I arrived at llillsbrook, I accepted Sir Frederick's offered arm with a smile, y verily believe that at that moment my newlv acquired freedomwas a relief to me. I never thought of the pale brokenhearted being, who, I‘afterwards learnt, was at that veryhour pacing the garden in the cold winter night, weeping over the scattered hopes, and the fall of the idol he had set up in his heart. Why should f prolong my narrative.

y accepted Sir Frederick, with an inward feeling oftriumph, and now my cup of happiness ought to have been full. Sir Frederick’s splendid diamonds glittered on my finger, in place of the modest r'ng 1 had worn previously ; but Goodwin’s look and manner haunted me. 1 could not forget his first look so full of love, and bis last so full of hopeless sorrow- 1 could not forget that it was I alone who had caused that sorrow. When 1 laid my aching head upon my pillow that night, it was only to dream of him, and to start up in the pale moonlight; thinking I- heard again his low mournful voico. (To be continued in our next.)