Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 964, 3 February 1915, Page 8

Humour.

Customer—'' jjf| Rfe&ood use dreadful ,-- beautifuldM BBsV. used tojffl '*% but, "Why, Willie," said the teacher in a pained voice, "have you been fighting again? Didn't you leajasK--, that when you are struck on one cheek you turn the other one to • ■ the striker?" "Yes'm," agreed Willie, "but he hit me on the nose, and I've only got one." i, . The latest Boston story is about a small child who fell out of' a window. A kind-hearted came hurrying up with the anxiou»„ question, "Dear, dear! How did*? you fall?" The child looked lip at die questioner, and replied in a voice choked with sobs, "Vertically, ma'am." A rather outspoken young American was giving her opinion on recent alliances between scions of our old nobility and heiresses from her own country. "The average titled bounder," ' she said scornfully, "if he told the truth, ; would drop on his knees and cry. 'Darling, I love you for your pelf alone.' ? ' "Oh, Willie, Willie!" exclaimed his mother, shocked aiid grieved. "How often have I told you not to play with that naughty':- Johnson Boy?" "Mamma," said William, who appeared in a regrettable state of disorder and with a bruised face, in utter disgust, "do I ; ! look as if I had been playing with ■ anybody?" :'. . Mother (to little boy)—"Oh,-H don't be tiresome and keep on I asking impossible questions, Percy." Old Gentleman (slightly hard of hearing)—" Don't scold , him, madame. I think, if I may say so, that it is a duty to help children when they are trying to acquire knowledge—what is it you want to know, my little man?" , Boy—"Why do dogs have tails?"

MORE FIGHTING. I He: "I see another naval en- , gagement is reported." 1 She: "More fighting?" , He: yi suppose so. The captain is engaged to the rear-ad- , m ; ral's;idaughter." lit I •,.-,---.., 1 Efe - 3 I" S||p - I A REGULAR STUNNER. "By George, that Mrs. Ka Flippe is a tunning woman, isn't she?" "I should think so. She hit me with her automobile the other , I day, and it was three hours before . I woke up." rt ! ——- -- ; ti I MESMERISED. "Did you ever hear about that * L:'x-collector's hard luck?" 1 .. "No. What was it?" "He called on a mesmerist. She hypnotised him into the backyard and made him beat the carpets for _,- live hours." ■'■s. Jh 'she thought it WAS THE ' BOY WITH THE NEWSPAPER, I An American woman, usually an'"*-* ' early riser, was one morning rous* ' 1 ed from an extra long sleep I bud knocking at the door. Sup*?;/ j nosing it to be the boy,.with the." 'morning paper, she called out along the passage, "Put it into the letter-box." A few minutes afterwards she was surprised to hear a spluttering and splashing ' in the passage, and on going to ciscertain the cause she found that ! Ihe lad, who was delivering the ! milk for the first time, had taken ! her at her word and poured a pint ' cf milk into the- letter-box. J THE ONE THAT SUITES HIS ■j SIGHT, ! A young exquisite, who thought i that an eye-glass would improve his appearance, went into an op- , i:ician's shop the other day, and was a long time trying to find one to suit him. • None of them would do; they m were either too strong or too weak |j£ for his sight. At length he found one that was just right, and inquired the price. Surprised at the selection he had made, the optician, looking, at him in blank astonishment ventured to ask what number of g|ta& he would like for the frame tye had . picked put.'