PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 964, 3 February 1915, Page 6

PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

■Pugilistic— Mi** I'.illyurns act_a« if "it was a severe blow .when she didn't get the prince?" Belle —"Yes; she took the count."—Philadelphia Kecord.

"What's the matter with Jimson?" "Doctor says it's a complication. Played ping-pong, golf, bicycled and got a motorcar, and the four kinds of faces were too much for him."—London Answers.

Eezymark—"A lady told my fortune yesterday, and she said I would meet with a financial reverse." Sccptick—"And did you?" Eezyinn^k—"Sure! She charged me $2." —Ohio State Journal.

"Troubled with dyspepsia, are you 7 Did you ever try" any ofauy medicine?" asked the druggist. "Oh, yes; but it wasn't that that gave it to me. I had it long before I took any of your stuff." —Vonkcrs Statesman.

"By the way," reminded the curious inquirer, "what's a, synonymous expression for 'talking shop?' " "Well," replied Joakley, "there's 'tonsorial emporium,' and haircutting parlor.' " —Philadelphia Press. Hangin' On. —Lariat Luke —"What became of that hanger-on frum th' east?" Horrible Hank—"He's still hangin" ont" Lariat Luke—''Down at the Kcd Eye saloon?" Horrible Hank —"Xbw; hangin' on tew a cottonwood tree at th' edge of town."—Ohio State Journal.

The Point of Difference.—"You don't mean to cite your government as an example of a republic." "Well," answered the South American dictator, "there's only one little difference between our republic and yours. Instead of elections we have revolutions."—Washington Star. Two Sinners.—"lt is very wrong to tell a falsehood," said his mother to little .Timmie, who had caught him in one. "Then we're both offul sinners, ain't we, maw?" queried Jimmie. "Both! What do you mean?" "Why, you told Missus Smith yesterday that you hoped she'd call again, an' after she wuz gone you said you wished she'd never come again."—Ohio State Journal. THOUGHT GUN BEWITCHED. Why the Old Xeerro Threw U Aw*» •n£ ffoiM fCot Towah It A .«tory is told of Uncle Washington Harris, one of "Marse Clay's niggers afore de war," who remained on th« plantation after lie was set free. He was considered a power among the negroes, being somewhat of a loc«5 prenoher. says the Xew York Tribune, but he said: "I'se jist a exhortione! 'numg de congregation." Once when Uncle "Wash" wa« "e* hortioning 'mong de congregation," the Kn Klux came after him, and, as the old man hurriedly beat an «xit through a window, one of the Ku Klux got the tail of his Prince Albert coat, that "Marse Clay" had given him, and which the old darkey was very proud of. From that, time Uncle "Wash" always carried an old long-barreled shotgun. The neighbors were, in the habit of meeting at night at "Bob" Clay's country store to tell yarns and talk about the crops. I'ncle "Wash" and several other old colored men, were always present, sitting on nail keg* a respectable distance behind "de white folks to hear de yarns." On these occasions Uncle "Wash" always left his trim in the roar of the store. One night "Buck" Allen, who never was lired of playing .jokes on tlie old man. pot bis gun, and. after drawing thp shot from ii, loaded it with powder and phosphorous wood as wad» ding, then another load of powder and more phosphorous wood, repeating this till there were several loads of powder and wood In the gun, ramming down the last charge of powder with an extra long piece of wood. "Buck" dropped a coal on It and went back to his seat. If phosphorous wood is lighted, the fire will eat ve>y slowly through it, and act as a fuse. Uncle "Wash" took up his gun and started home, and was several hundred yards from the store when the spark reached the first charge of powder and exploded it, which greatly perplexed the old man, but he attributed it to an accident. When the second explosion occurred he" fell on his knees and prayed, but when the third ennie he threw the gun from him into the bushes and ran for dear life. As Uncle "Wash" burst in the front door to the consternation of his wife, and fell sprawling on the floor, hysterically praying, he heard the last charge explode, Uncle "Wash" never went back for hi? gun. and could never be convinced "spcerets" were not in that "ole turkee gun." and that it was not bewitched. >»/ Chloroform find Gnallsht. In general the profession in this country is united in the belief that ether is n much more satisfactory anaesthetic than chloroform. A not inconsiderable number, however, prefer chloroform, particularly under especial circumstances, and some operators who have no well-equipped clinics at their command tend to use chloroform when working by artificial light, and particularly in ill-equipped houses. It is, howerer, known bv most pharmacologists and by many others that chloroform has dangers when used by artificial light, but tin's fact I* by no means generally recognl cd. Pcr.ons have been killed by the decomposition of chloroform by gaslight. It has been attempted to overcome the danger of the production of this form of poisoning by placing soda or borax solution or milk of lime in flic operating-room, but these methods have been shown to lie wholly insufficient. —Philadelphia Medical Journal.