HUMOUR.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 931, 10 June 1914, Page 8

HUMOUR.

"Do you know lier well enough to falk to her?" "More. I know her well enough not to talk to Ler." Charles—" Who gave \you that cigar? Is he a friend of yours?." Henry—l don't know yet—l haven't lit it I"Miss A. tpoisi'itflV' •"None but the brave, Mr. 8., deserve the fair." Mr. B.—"None but the brave can live with some of them." The trouble with some people is that ,they allow themselves to be discouraged by'criticism, and the trouble .with others is that they do not. Wife—" What do you think of my picture?" Husband —"It will do. Evidently a snapshot, my dear." "Why?"- "Your mouth is shut." " I don't suppose anybody was surprised when the Tones girl married that rich young Torrington." " Nobody except Torrington." Smith—" I say, Brown, why do you wear that shocking bad hat?" Brown—- " Because mv wife declares she won't go out with me till I get a new one." There was a patient in hospital who Had to be fed on a dailv diet of e#g and rjort wine. His physician asked him how he liked it. " It would be all risrbt. doctor," he said, "if the egg was as new as the port, and the port as old as the egg."A good country mayor found himself at a table in a large restaurant between two young men who began to make fun of him. "I see, young sirs," he said, "that you are making fun of me. But I assure you that I am neither stupid nor an ass." "Ah," said one of them, "peihaps you are between the two."' "Exactly," was the prompt reply; " I'm between the two." 9 Wae Quits Conversant. The first witness called io aj&recent petty law-suit in Oincinatti was • an Irishman, of whose competence as a« witness opposing counsel entertainei' doubt. At their instance tbeie was put to him, before being sworn, the usual interrogatory, " Do you koow the na ture of an oath?" A broad grin overspread the face, of the Irishman as he replied: " Indade, youi Honour. Oi may say that it i_s second uatun wid me,"