Odds and Ends.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 829, 19 June 1912, Page 7

Odds and Ends.

Sapleigh: I haven't —&w—been auite myself of late, doncherknow. Miss Caustique: Indeed! I hadn't noticed any improvement. Reggie: Why do you envy Gladys so ? Peggie: She is happily married, and has two of the dearest little' toy dogs you ever saw. "How old are you, Tommy?" asked a caller. "When I'm home, I'm five, when I'm in school I'm six, and when I'm on the tram I'm four." ' ; The Husband: Well, say what you will, my dear, you'll find wdrse men than me in the world. The, Wife: Oh, Tom, how can you be so bitter! "I know more about that woman than she knows about herself." "How can that be possible?" "Easily..: I know she " isn't pretty, but she doesn't." Hoyle: If it were not for my wife, I wouldn't be here. Boyle; Noj hang it! Neither would lif it were not for mine. I'm the hostess' husband.

Jack: There's one good thing about widow's weeds; Tom:■' What is that Jack: They rarely interfere with the growth of orange blossoms. Mother (crossly): Freddie, haven't I told you that you must not talk when I am talking. Freddie: But, mamma, you won't let be stay up after vou go to bed. He: I hear that Miss Dauber, the artist, has given up painting. I thought she was wedded to her art. She: She'was, but she got a divorce on the grounds of non-support. "I hear that Jones' four daughters are married." 'ls that so? L Slip pose he's glad he's got them off his hands." "Not exactly. He now has to keep the four husbands on their feet." "Have you 'Love' Letters of Wise Men?'" she asked timidly. "No, miss," responded the clerk in the book . department:" "And why not?" "Because wise men never publish their love letters. " • . ;, She: I married my first husband for money, and my second for love. He: And were you happy. She: No. Unfortunately, my first husband married me for love, and my second for money. '■'."" ■'What happened to me?" Staked the chronic optimist, when he woke up in the hospital. "A shark bit your leg off," said the nurse. "Oh, well;" he mused, "I had rheumatism in that leg, anyhow." Johnnie (to new visitor): So you are mv grandma, are you? Grand-' mother: Yes, - Johnnie, I'm your grandma on your father's side. JohnInie: Well, you're on the wrong side; you'll find that out. "Why, Lushley, I am astonished to see you out t The last thing I heard about vou was that the doctor had , given you up." "Well, he has. He—er—told me the other day he had charged up my account to profit and loss." '■ ; - ** SUCCESS AT LABT. "Quills has.had a storv accepted at last," remarkedia journalist to a colleague. "'/ "Surely not," was the rejoinder;; "Yes. He went home at two o'clock, this morning with an awful yarn* and his wife believed it. ' ; WELL MEANT, T~"*'s^ Private Tom Jones (to colonel/-who has brought him to see.jir memorial;brass in the church to those of therp regiment who.had fallen in the .ward)": -, Well, sir, if I'd 'a- known your name * warn't goin' to be amongst r em, blessed if I would 'a' given a ! penny fta the thing!

TO KIM WHO DIED ALONE. O, wind, if thou should find a grave, By every human love forgot, Where sleeps some lonely soldier brave, Sigh softly o'er the spot. Rustle the wild, long grasses there, And through thy chambers vast . awake 'ihe echoes of his parting prayer, Who died for freedom's sake. Take roses in both hands and strew The graves of those to honour unknown ; But, oh ! one tender thought is . due To him who died alone,. Alone, with none but God to see The brave young soul his bondage break; And yet he fought for liberty, And died for freedom's sake. —Amelia Barr. Bi STRANGER'S GRAVE. Yes, honey, bring along de Sowers Fo' dat poo' strangers grave; He want no "lation, chile, o* ours, But he was true an' brave; He fought thro' countr's darkes' hours; He did de flag to save. Bring yaller roses, bloomin" now In mammy's garden bed; Da am de brightes' 'tings I 'low Fo' dat poo' so'gier's bed; While I befo"' de Marster bow Chile, yo' may deck de dead. Those buds am like de fluted gold An' sweet wid morning dew; Pears dat a tenderness da hold Fo* boys who wore de blue; Pears fo' dis grave so lone an' cdW Dese yaller roses grew. —Ruth Raymond.