HORT STORY

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 407, 25 February 1904, Page 7

HORT STORY

It was over a wiax ago that it happened, and I am beginning to hope that the whole thing tray have blown over, aad that I shall be let cff this time. But I've been in a confounded stew for the last ten days, and the thing will be a leaaoa to me not to make a fool of myself in that way again. It ail came about through my confouaded aristocratic tastes. It isn't fair os a fellow to give Mm the feelings and the bearing of a lord, and then to set him down in the world as a commercial traveller on a hundred and twenty pounds a year aad a commission on what he sells. Why wasn't I born a lord, I should like to know? I should have made a very good one. lam taUand fair; I have a blond moustache; my teeth are good, and they ought to be, considering what I paid for them; I drera well—in fact with almcsfc more smartness than .my means justify; and I have been told that my manners are perfect; Miss Haltiday told me that, and she ought to know, for she is a chorus girl at the Frivolity, and mixes a good" deal with the nobility. I repeat* it isn't fair, and I feel very deeply about it. However, although I am not a lord, I sometimes pass as one. My business, of course, necessitates frequent travelling. The firm stands first-class fares. I generally go third, and pocket the difference. But every now and then I travel firstclass, and then, ju3t for fan, I-travel as Lord somebody or other. I write a label very large and put it on my Gladston bag, or I let out to the porter casually that I'm xu earl, or whatever it may be, tad he calls me 'My lord,', when he. thanks me for the twopence I give him at the carriage door. Once 1 had some sards printed 'Captain the Hon. Bertie ie Tollmache.* I used to get into conrenatioa with people in the train, and band them my card. I like the title 'Honourable' myself. It seems to me - quiet and distingue. But I made rather . a mistake one day. 1 was going to Norwich, and I got into conversation with a quiet, elderly-looking gentleman, and told him I was going to join my regiment.. He asked me what regiment I belonged to, and where it was stationed.- I said I was Captain in the Blue Hussars, stationed at Norwich. He. said, /There isn't such a regiment in the British Army. The only regiment stationed at Harwich ia the 1 something Dragoons, which I have the honour to command.. Perhaps you mean the Blue Hungarians. If so,' you ought to be travelling third-class with your d d fiddle under the seat!' We bad no further conversation during the journey, but I felt rather a fool, and when I got a favourable opportunity I tore the rest of the cards up. That was rather a nasty jar, and for tome time after that I travelled as Albert Wilkins, of the firm of Higgs and Perks, drapers, St. Paul's Churchyard. But the other day young Mr Perks, who is a great sportsman, knowing that I was going down to Hastings, asked me to take his gun-ease down with me, and drop it at Tonbridge. 'He himself was going to cycle down the next day, and shoot rabbits with a farmer who was a customer of ours. The idea occurred to me to tell any one with whom I might get into conversation in the train that I was going down into Kent for a day or two among the game. I had torn ray knickerbockers when I fell eff my bicycle, which was rather unfortunate, but -I intended if any one asked me why I hadn/t got ray shooting suit on to say that l had sent my valet on with it. I chose a carriage with a very pretty girl in It. She looked rather. annoyed at first when I told the porter to put my things in there, and I thought at first she was going to ask him to move hex traps into another carriage. ' 'AH right, young woman/1 thought to myself, 'you won't want to go when you hear who you're to have the honour of travelling with/ and I Baid to the porter,' If you see a f ootmaa looking for me in a blue and yellow livery, juat tell him I'm in here—the Earl of Whitby.' Sure enough the girl sat back in her seat, and stared at ma 'Ah; I thought that would make an impression/ I said to myself, and I was pleased when she made no more signs of moving. 'Be careful of that gun, and don't shake it/ I said to the potter; •it might go off.' 'All right my lord,' he said. ' There's |g»e price of half a pint,* I said, giving him a penny and four halfpennies. He looked rather surprised—l suppose at getting more than twopence—but he touched his hat, said' Thank you, my lord,' and went off«

I took my seat in the corner, and began to xead my ' London Society,' intending to wait a bit before getting into conversation with the young lady, so that my appearance might have a chance of Mating •* impression. I was, perhaps, better dressed than usual that day. My tall hat was a new one, rather tapering towards the crown, and perhaps of a smarter shape than as'ordinary man could carry off. I changed it after a minute or two for a black and red striped ■riiv eriefcating: cap. I was wearing a frock coat a good deal below my knees/ which my tailor told me was the fashion amongst the West End swells now. My waistcoat was cut very open, and showed a blue shirt anda very broad black satin tie. My trousers were of shepherd's jUti, loose. I had a new pair of brown boote, perhaps a trifle light in colour, but that was the only hint of anything cot absolutely correct in my get-up, and I eMJKJei myself with thinking that women don't notice these things much. To my Borpriee, when the train had got Jairlj under way, the young lady spoke ~?flfiti * Excuse me,* she said, 'did I bear you say your name was Lord Whitby P* •The Earl of Whitby/ I repliel 'I daresay yon ere thinking of my brother. Lord Peregrine Whitby; I am Albert, yon know'((used my own name because it ia a good one, besides, the thought croasedmy mind that I might get her to call me by it before the journey was over). 'Do yon know my brother?' I went or. 'No/ she said,' I don't think I do; but I ahoalcT like to know more about you.' She smiled very sweetly as she said chat, and! altnongn rather taken aback by the ioddeantsß of her overtures, I felt 1 was getting on.andl am not unused to making sudden coaquestß. She was a real lady, yon could see that She had a beautiful dressing-bag on the seat by her side, and a* leaaa three sixpenny papers. Then she was very well dressed, alihoughly only a

LORD WHITBY.

cloth, and was oharmiagly pretty, and quite young. So I told her a good deal about myßelf, sheeeemedverjmuch interested, and only when I tried to take her hand she was exceedingly indignant. 'How dare you touch me 1* she flared up; but she became quiet again directly. «I didn't'mean to be unkind,' sbe said sweetly,«only you see I don't know you very well yet. Couldn't you tell me where you live P' 'Well, I've told you about myeastle near Margate, and my hunting box in Cornwall * I said,«and my ' • AhJ yea/ she interrupted ; : but those are raoh grand places, and such a long way off. Couldn't you tell me your address in London ?' * What! Do you moan you will come and see me theuP* I cried, delighted. 'I don't quite know about that/ she said,« but I might psrhaps write to you.' I don't know that I ever felt mora pleased in my life than when she said that, and I thought I could tell by this time that it was myself, and not any factitious attractions of wealth and station, that had attracted her. * WeU, there is my town house in Botten Bow/ I said: «but that ' •Oh; not there!' she cried. 'Haven't you some less well-known address ?' • I'll tell you what/1 said; ' 1 have got another address, where I very often live when I'm in London, but it's a secret that 1 have not shared with a soul unto this day/

* I think I see/ she said; 'you sometimes get tared of all your grandeur, and like to live simply like anyone else. Oh! do tell me where it is ?' r.' Why, however did you gness that V I cried. 'That is just what I was going to tell you.' 'Nevermind, never mind!' she said. •We are getting near my station, aad I must have your address.' She was in a charming flutter of eagerness. I was naturally much flattered. I tore a piece of papsx out of my order-book and took out my style. 'You must remember that Hive very simply and quite incog/ I said as I wrote. «There it is— 1 Albert Wilkinß, 287, Manor , Bead, Hackney, N.B.'' She took the paper from me. 'And is that your real name and address?' she asked. * Yes,* I said; ' I mean/1 added hastily, - ' that is the name lam known by ' 'Thank you/ she said, aad she folded it up and put it in her purse, as we slowed down and ran, into Sevenoaks Station. Then she said very quietly, as the train stopped, 'I shall get my husband to put this matter into the hands of the police.' I was thunderstruck, and sat staring at her as .the guard opened the door and bowed her out, while a tall footman came up and took her dressing-bag but of the .carriage, and a young lady in a black dress and a close-fitting boßnet joined her on the platform from some other part of the train. 'Parxer and William/ Bhe said,'you will please look at that man in the carriage, and remember his face.' Then she sailed off down the platform, the maid and the footman following her, and I saw her drive off in an open carriage with two splendid grey horses. * Who is that lady P' I managed to gasp out to the guard as he shut the door. 'That's the Countess o' Whitby/ he said, with a grin. 'I don't envy you, young fellow, if you've been addressing of her against her inclinations-' Oh dear! oh dear! Albert Wilkins! You did feel cheap for the rest of the journey, and you feel cheap now whenever you think of it, dont you?'— Abchxbald Hi Marshall.