Wellington Terrace [1851] My dearest husband I cannot tell you how delighted I was to receive your letter from the Taita. I read it I am sure half a dozen times a day and I put it with your likeness under my pillow every night and look at it whenever I wake in the morning. I trust darling that you will have some other opportunities of writing to me on your way to Ahuriri. I have felt very lonely since you left. I never sit in the parlour. I cannot sit alone in that room where I have spent so many happy hours with my dear husband without feeling very dull. After you went away on Tuesday I did not know what to do with myself. I wandered from one room to another. To sit down was impossible. At last I went and sat down on a place on the hill at the back of the house from which I could see the road past Government House. I thought it was possible I might have a chance of again seeing you for I could see everything very distinctly and I was sure I would know your grey horse if I saw it pass. After sitting there for about an hour I was rewarded for doing so by seeing you and Mr Williamson pass the Court House. I watched you till you disappeared at McBeth's. I then went down and met Papa coming up to see me. He insisted on my going home with him so I did. It was not till I came home again that I felt how dreadfully lonely the house was without my darling husband. Everything seemed changed. I tried to read but I could not understand a word of what I was reading. I went to bed early. I spent a very restless night. I got up at daylight and wandered up and down the house for I could not sleep. I do not now feel so dull. I begin to get reconciled to your absence and I look forward to the happiness of our meeting again. I do not feel my own dearest anxious about you for I know my dear husband that you are under the care of a kind and merciful God who will protect you from all danger and bring you back in safety. How thankful I feel to Him for having united us for life and I trust dear Donald we may so live that not even death will separate us but that we may meet again to spend an eternity together. Dear Mama is I am happy to say rather better this last three days. I am glad to see that she begins to have a little appetite. I am sure when the fine weather comes that she will get quite strong again. I hope I shall be able to persuade her to stay with me for a little time. I was up both Wednesday and Thursday but I did not go today as the weather was very bad. Papa was here today for a long time on his way home. I received an invitation for us yesterday to go to a ball at Colonel Gold's tonight. I suppose they did not know that you were gone. I sent an apology to Mrs Gold this morning. I suppose I must call as there were cards sent along with the invitation. I do not know whether I should do so or not before your return. I must ask some persons' opinions on the subject. I understand the ball on Wednesday went off very well but I have seen no one who was at it yet. I had several visitors yesterday but I did not see any of them as I was up at Mama's by one o'clock. Of course I cannot be expected to be at home now. A letter came for you from Mr Duncan. I opened it to see what he said about your things. They are on board a vessel which may be expected every day. I suppose it would have been here by this time but the wind has been contrary. I felt so annoyed when I found that I had been forgot your brush. I did not observe that it had been forgotten till the morning after you started. I shall send it by the first opportunity. I could send it now but there may be letters for you in a few weeks and it will be as well to make one parcel. I should like darling to go on writing to you but it is late past 10 and I must go to bed for I wish to get up early in the morning as I have something to do for Mama. I must not forget to tell you that I have really got rid of my cold. I shall take care that I do not catch another while you are away. I must now my own dearest husband bid you good night. May God bless and preserve you and bring you back in safety to your affectionate wife. Susan D McLean I think I shall be able to get this letter sent by the Rose which has not left yet as the wind is against it, is it not fortunate I do not know whether it is in the harbour or at Evan's Bay. I am sure however Mr Moore who is the agent will get it sent if possible. Be sure love that you take care of yourself and not get rheumatism.