SAVING

War Wit, Volume 1, Issue 9, 1 October 1941, Page 12

SAVING

“Being a thrifty woman, «Mrs. Plunkett made quite a comfortable living from the half a dozen young policemen she had boarding with her.” Extract from story. She looked after the coppers and the pounds looked after themselves. * * * News heading: “American Aid For Russia.” Hammer and Shekel.

NEW NOVELS “Hitler Place the Onus on Britain” by Saul Bulch. “The March of Time,” by Zane Grey and Snow White. “The Home Wrecker,” by Joel Kilpatrick. “Any Port in a Storm,” by Ida Plonke.” * * * - / BOOKS TO READ Dinner for Hitler, Hope Peach Oakes. Parliament Sit All Night, by Haylott Hoff Mendozers. Girls All Fall for Him, by Miller Terry Mann. Air Raid Precautions, by Livingstone Sellars. Rooms to Let, by Arthur Renny Kidds. Adolf Doesn’t Want Them, by Maude Hewes. * * * It was his first shore leave since war started, and the last boat was pulling away as he reached the quayside. He took a running jump and landed in the boat, but was dazed by hitting his head. The shore was 200 yards away when he looked up. The dazed look gave way to one of pride. “Boys,” he \ murmured, “can I jump!” ** ; *

The hospital nurse smoothed the sufferer’s pillow. He had been admitted only that morning and he looked at nurse with an anxious look on his face. She told him not to worrythat everything would be alright. “What did ye say the doctor’s name was, nurse?’ ’he said. “Dr. Kilpatrick,” was the reply. “That settles it!” he said. “That doctor won’t get his chance to operate on me.” “Why not,” asked the nurse in surprise. “He’s a very clever doctor.” “That may be,” replied the patient, “but my name happens to be Patrick.” ■

In the report of a wedding that appeared in a country paper were the following words: “The large and elaborate bouquets of roses were punk.” The bride’s father called on the newspaper office and demanded an < apology. In the next issue the editor expressed his regret for the error, and added: “What we should have said was that ‘the noses were pink’.” * * *

■ * * * The vicar stopped the village reprobate in the lane one morning. “I was sorry to see you come out from the ‘Red Lion’ last night, John,” he said sadly. “Aye,” replied John, nodding his head sagely, “I were sorry meself. But you do have to come out sometoime.” - ' ’ * * * \ Seems that the,Red Army is a ruddy surprise. ‘ ' >

A robbery had been committed in the village, and a detective had been sent to investigate. “Have you seen any mysterious strangers about here lately?” asked the detective of the old villager. “Yes, sir,” replied the old man. “There was a man ’ere with the circus last week, an’ ’e took a pair o’ rabbits out o’ my whiskers!” ** ’ * The vacuum-cleaner salesman who had an appointment found the housekeeper unable to keep it. He suggested the following day. “That’s my busy day,” she said. “If you call then you will find me in a whirligig.” “That’s won’t worry me, madam” he said. “My last customer was in a kimono.” * * * . ■■ I - Strong liquor was being issued to the Italian troops because the Australians were on the way, and they needed some “dutch courage.” All the troops accepted but one. “Come on, Giacamo,” urged his friend. “Why don’t you have a drink like the rest of us?” “Not me,” replied Giacamo, “it gives me too much courage. I might wait behind when the rest of you are running.”