HE WAS STUNG.

War Wit, Volume 1, Issue 6, 1 July 1941, Page 15

HE WAS STUNG.

While we were in camp in Ingleburn we used to go out on manoeuvres to Rabey Road. One day we were attacking an old farmhouse, and concealed our section in a dry creek-bed until the- zero hour. The boys found some trap-door spiders’ nests in the top of the bank, and amused themselves -by digging the ugly poisonous brutes out with their bayonets and slashing them to pieces. “ Horsehead,” a long-headed talkative nervous sort of bloke, was enjoying himself immensely. “Righto, boys,” said the corporal, “ Over yo go! Good gosh! What’s the matter with you, ‘Horsehead’?” “ Horsehead ” was standing there with a face as white as a sheet, holding one -hand on his trouser leg, while he frantically undid his belt with the other. “ One of them ugly big cows is up me trousers, Corp.,” he stuttered. “ I’m trying to get my pants off .without him biting me.” All of a sudden he let out a hell .of a yell, and we knew it had bitten him. ’ ’ . " . -- “ Horsehead ” pressed hard on his ; leg, and muttered, Well, I got him anyway.” Then he swiftly slipped his pants off, and disclosed —a big, squashed bumble-bee. * * * “Bad news from home, Dave?” “ The very worst! No sooner eggs touch three bob a dozen than the flamin’ fowls decide to moult!” * * * * „ I ' Girl Customer: “ Does this lipstick come off seasily?” Cosmetic Clerk: “Not if you put up a fight. *' * * Record wartime marriages suggest that cupid understands the meaning of. total war. * * * Bagdad’s in the bag.

The red-faced colonel was sitting in a first-class carriage reading his newspaper. Presently the guard’s whistle sounded, and the colonel congratulated himself on securing an empty compartment for his long journey. . Just at the train began to move, the door of the carriage burst open and another passenger scrambled in. The colonel clenched his fists irritably. When the newcomer had regained his breath he drew out his pipe and was about to light it when he noticed that he was in a non-smok-ing carriage. For a moment or two he looked wonderingly at his fellow passenger. “E-er pardon me,” he said at last, “but do you mind if I smoke?” The colonel gave him a withering stare. " “No, sir!” he barked. “You can burst into flames for all I care!” * * * A vicar had; been beatenly badly on the golf links by a parishioner thirty years his senior, and he was rather'disgruntled. “Cheer, up,” his opponent-said, “Remember, you win at the finish. You’ll probably be . burying me some day.” “Even then,”, said the Vicar, “it will be your hole.” * * • * * War-minded N.Z.R.A.F. stewards object to playing the waiting game!

Macintosh was having an argument over the fare he owed a taxidriver. The man with the meter talked loud and harshly,’ and it angered the Highlander. ' ' 1 “Do you know who I am?” he demanded, proudly drawing himself to his full height. “I’m a Macintosh.” The taxi-driver snorted. “I don’t care if you’re a brandnew umbrella,’ ’he said, “I’ll have my rights.” ** . * A naval officer with a brilliant war record had just arrived home on leave. After hearing about the air raids in the neighbourhood, he decided to send his wife and two small. children to the country. The taxi was ordered and he was struggling with the luggage at the front door, when he noticed three small boys watching him intently. He thought they might be interested in his uniform and medal ribbons, but got a rude awakening when one of the boys exclaimed: “So you can’t take it, eh?” * * * The Italian raider sunk by. H.M.S. . Leander was called the Ramb I. Obviously a wolf in sheep’s clothing. fi

A country unit of the Home Guard has decided to use pigeons as despatch carriers. Fortunately they won’t have to be equipped with rifles. ** — * The reaction of the troops on receiving tinned corned beef included in unaddressed gift parcels was, in Mr. Hayden’s words, far from satisfactory. Like little Audrey, they probably laughed and laughed and laughed. ❖ * * . Residents whose windows face the sea are suffering acutely from —means black-out, of course. ' * * * “One finds it difficult in these times to dress as one. ought.” “Oh, I don’t know. I have a suit of clothes for every day in the week.” “Really?” ’ . -'' ' . “Yes, this is it.” *** ' * Two pretty girls were discussing the dance of the night before. “My dear,” said one, “the boys were crazy over me! I didn’t sit out once. I can hardly get my shoes on this morning.” , Her friends smiled sweetly. “What, your feet swollen, too?”