A BIT PREVIOUS.

War Wit, Volume 1, Issue 5, 1 June 1941, Page 10

A BIT PREVIOUS.

Two men had foregathered in the canteen for a “quick one.” ; k “What’s this about the sergeant falling into a camoflaged practice trench and breaking his leg?” asked one. “Ssh!” replied another urgently. “It doesn’t happen till to-morrow.” z❖ ❖ * Three Canadians, sleeping in a tent in one of our British training areas last summer, were rudely awakened by a terrific crash not far away. “What was that — thunder or ' bombs?” asked one. “Bombs,” was the laconic answer. “Thank heaven for that!” chimed in the third, “I thought we were going to have more rain!” C : ■ ■■ 3"'/ ' ‘ > ❖ * * Ministry of Information appeals for discretion are bearing fruit, according to an Exeter headmaster. He quotes a conversation overheard in a Devonshire inn: • “Have ’ee heard the 9 o’clock news?” “Yes.” “I didn’t happen to hear it. Was there anything in it?” “Can’t tell ’ee.” “Why not?” “ ’Tis giving information away!” * * * Two darkies were boasting about their ancestors. z “An’ let me tell you,’ ’said Rastus, “I kin trace ma ancestors back to the fambly tree.” “Is dat so?” exclaimed Mose. “Wall, dere’s only two kinds ob things dat lives in treesdem’s birds and monkeys. An’ you ain’t got no feathers!” - - X * * * The office boy has thought up a new one. Now he asked for a day off to evacuate his grandmother who’s been bombed.

A sailor pounding on the door of a Chinese restaurant located on the waterfront heard a voice inside saying: “’Elio!” Sailor: “How are the chances to eat?” Chinese: “You hungly?” Sailor: “Yeah.” Chinese: “You likee fish?” Sailor: “Sure.” Chinese: “Come back Fliday.” *\ * * We read that Germany is threatened by a shortage of timber. Some of those Nazi officials will have to put their heads together.

Myrtle: John’s got his Home Guard uniform now, and he’s dying for a parachute jumper to come along. r Phyllis: Well, why don’t you knit him one? '> * * * “I say, look at the horrible insigna on the side of that bombing plane.” . . “Shhhh, not so loud. That’s the squadron commander looking out the window.” .

An old farming couple had two evacuees bilited on them. Soon the cat disappeared, and the old dame asked if they had seen it. “Yes, we drowned it,” was the prompt rpely, “and we don’t like your old man either!” **. * • The sergeant was getting into his overcoat. , “Are you going out, dear?” asked his wife in surprise, “I thought you were in for the evening.” , “Well, I was,” admitted her husband, “but the fellow across the road has lost his corkscrew and has just telephoned to know Jif I can lend him one.” “Send Mary with it,” suggested the lady, “There’s no need for you to go with it.” “My dear,” he said gently, “your last remark sums up the whole reason why women cannot lead armies, control nations, or take anything but a subordinate part in the affairs of the world.” * * * The secretary was busily writing letters at his desk. Secretary: “Please take a chair for a moment.” Visitor: “But you do not realise who I am. I am Princess Florestane de Petardiere.” Secretary: “I beg your pardon, madam. Take two chairs.” * * * Our politicians shelve so many matters that we are beginning to look like a shelf-governing dominion. * * - * ■ • Hitler says the Third Reich can not be bent. But what won’t bend must break. • * * * ' British Lion ready for the Spring.

At the Christmas party, Bryce and Betty had been playing one of those old-fashioned games with forfeits, and the girl had been ordered to give the young man ten kisses. “Let’s see,” said Betty, pausing for -breath, “that’s seven isn’t it?” “Only six,” corrected Bryce. “Seven, I think.” “No, six.” “Seven!” “Six.” “Look here,” said Betty wearily, “sooner than have any argument we’d better start all over again.” * * * Dried meat, dried fruit, dried milk, and now dried eggs (oneseventh in volume) to save shipping space. Next step, please: Dried stomachs will save space in lifts, trams and trains, and wasteful'consumption of clothing fabrics. * * * z - “Mose, why isn’t Sam at work this mornnig?” “Boss, dat man’s in de hospital.” “In the hospital!” “Yassuh. Fo’ ten days now he’s been sayin’ he gonna lick his wife for naggin’ and las’ night she done overheard him. Dat’s all.” * * * Jones: They tell me that silk stockings 'were invented in Queen Elizabeth’s time. e Smith: Maybe, but they weren’t discovered until the twentieth century! ■. * * * Italian African troops are re- ; . - ■ treating so fast that headquarters are falling back on hindquarters. ■ ■’ ■ * * * .■ ■■ . ■ . ' . . Says Goebbels: “Germany will x finish the war this year.” More likely the war will finish Germany. * * * ■ The Far Eased?