WATER RITUAL’S COLUMN

Serial Waves, 14 September 1940, Page 11

WATER RITUAL’S COLUMN

Sorry—no blessed events, and no one “ just so ” (in spite of the weather) . * * * Cpl Allbon, 24 Auck, is reported to have an approved form of letter (passed by the Censor) on sale to the troops. ) * * * A certain subaltern had his name written in Chinese — was re-translated by the next Oriental as You Hang Low.” Was this a prophesy ?—He got the mumps. * * *

Some moaning blighters ar’nt even satisfied with bacon and eggs— want the chicken' that laid them.

In the deep purple of the blackout a certain subaltern leant across the rail with cap in hand—the cap did not remain empty for long—all good gifts come from above. **. * . Who was the infantry corporal who was so well fed that he could not shut his mouth. ' * * *

It is said that the mascot of the 24th is a regimental mouse Cheese it. . . * * * Overheard in the Adelphi—“ Is it free— Mantell ? ” .... * * *

Watch your water boys—the ship’s not a camel. . * * * One of the boys asked a local girl how she liked the Australian Bightshe said she liked the N. Z. bite better. * * * They say if you play “ Crown and Anchor ” long enough you will see the Banker counting your own money. * * * Has the Publisher attempted to exchange the . Wellington Milk Council coupon which was rung on him for a quart of Ship’s Red Top Milk. * * * The sea gulls have now left us—But we notice that the swallows are returningTo the deep. * * * Some Subalterns have been trying to teach a Chinese waiter to say 11 You’ll do me ” — success was achieved “ I’ll do you ” —said the barsteward. * * * It’s just like the army to take us round the world from East to West. We keep putting our clocks back until we lose a day’s pay. ' * * * Where did the Lady Taxi Driver Nellie take the Medical Officers ? * * * Water is the best of drinks if taken in' the right spirit. * * * Troops please note ties are. now being sold in the dry Canteens to put around the collars of the glasses in the wet Canteens. * * * Ship was short of papertoo many chits. * * * She was as white as the driven snow but she drifted.

A certain amount of sunburn has been reported in the near vicinity. * * *

To the Adj.-—what does one put in one’s haversack in case of emergency' — . all depends upon the emergency. . * * * Subalterns should not try to talk Australian to the Australians—one tried it on Leave-—“ That’s not the way to say it, sir ” — was the sub’s face red ? * * • * Have the two Irish Quarter Blokes decided yet as to which end of Ireland we should land. • ?. * * * Can we ascribe the statement by Pte Pullthrough that he has seen a Mermaid to the potency of Red Band. - ’ * * * It is noted that in the times set down for use of the swimming bath the only time when costumes must be worn is when Nurses and Officers have use of the bath together. We approve. * * * Speaking of rumours, we are now offering a prize of 3 Minora Razor blades (slightly used) and a hot water bottle (can be filled ready for use at any of the cold water faucets) to any reader who can think of any D-— place we are NOT going to. * * *

PUZZLED AUSSIE. No, Kia Ora is. not the Enzed equivalent for the Aussie word for friend. * * * - There’s no doubt the sea brings out the best in man. * .. . * i * Ten young Aussies from-woke up to find a new berth, But never bewailing, the’re actively- aling, And quietly increasing girth. .S . ... **‘ * » This weeks “ Cheer Germ”-—our next port of call is a prohibition area. - ’ * * * • • - A _ • WORRIED—No, we don’t think it would be any use advertising for money lost on a Crown and Anchor board. ■■---■ * * * OVERHEARD ON “A ’’ DECK—Look at Mr. C —— just seems as if someone poured him into his uniform. ’ Yes, and forgot to say when.

COUNTRY MEMBERS PLEASE NOTE: Our old friends Web and Zeb, the Storekeepers, are in business at No. 2-Hold NO TICK GIVEN. ** * . Overheard near a lumber camp on A Deck: Officer-‘'What are you doing,. George?” George—“ Nothing, Sir, ” Officer—" .What are you doing, Bill?” Bill—“ Helping George, Sir, ” * * * " Lay my head beneath a rose ”, warbled a serjeant. John Dory suggests a steam roller.

APOLOGY : —There is ONE Australian subaltern on board who DOES speak the lingo. - ■ , . I * * * Have you heard Mr. Chapman's lecture on the evils of the yeast ?■—He’s been a round. * * * Certain subalterns are glad that leap year is nearly over.-—there were several triers. * * * The latest addition to the names of psychopathic ills is ergophobia-a condition of being allergic to.. work—This has long been v known to military gentlemen, but under the less scientific title, of Swinging the lead.” -

It’s a dry argument for. sappers and privates when they have been relieved of their beer by the Guard.. * * * Did you know that a certain- Serjeant, after conscientiously using “ pidgin ” for some days to a steward, was asked by this same steward, in ■ flawless English, “ May I have your order, Sir ? ” Was the Serjeant’s face red ?