Popular Skyence

On Our Job, Issue 16, 1 July 1945, Page 3

Popular Skyence

I WAS talking to Professor Morphine, of the Department of Sexonomics, the other clay. He was telling me of the new law he has discovered. “The hetero-sexual adduction of muliebrity,” he said, “has a high negative correlation with intellectual prowess.” Translated into simple language, he meant that S.A. is inversely proportional to I.Q. “I have a very intelligent class this year,” he added. “I should like to point out that I have found the exception that proves the rule. The members of the Department of Sexual Inhibition Removal have worked out a new fundamental unit. It is named the Maskem, after the Director of the Department. The constancy of Dr. Maskem’s histrionic ability for exaggeration is so marked that it has been accepted as the standard by all bull artists throughout the country. It is agreed that the standard unit shall be the mili-maskem, being more nearly equivalent to the capacity of the normal person. The rarest bird in the world is the Oompah bird, recently discovered by the famous Eskimo Egyptologist Bop, and his assistants Noh and Czah, whilst unearthing the remains of the Tutankhamen Arctic Expedition of 3684 B.C. in an iceberg. Of this extraordinary species only two members are in existence. One lives at the North Pole and the other at the South Pole. Once a year, about Christmas time, the one that lives at the South Pole journeys northward to visit the one that lives at the North Pole. On its return a few weeks later it may be heard to mutter musingly, “Oompah! Oompah! Oompah! which according to Bop means, “It was a long way but it was worth it.” Above you see a photo of the latest invention of Dr. V. Dave Thortit, builder of jeeps, peeps, sheeps, the creeps,

“alligators,” “crocodiles,” “ducks,” “storks” (used by the U.S. Marine Corps), etc. The worm-like contraption at the top left-hand corner is for tunnelling under the earth. Below it slightly to the right of the pilot’s bent elbow is the marine propeller. The large superstructure in the form of an umbrella is the patent permanent parachute, used for pouncing on unsuspecting pedestrians. In cases of great emergency it can be lowered to cover the whole machine, which is then camouflaged as a mushroom. The long bar, complete with Red Band (we get 3 extra for saying Red Band) under the fuselage is for enticing mermaids when travelling along the sea’s bottom. Large bands of mermaids have been recruited in this way by the Royal Navy to assist in. naval engagements. Their intelligence was found to be very limited. (See Morphine’s law above.) Projecting from the hull may be seen the multipurpose oars, manned by the crew. They are used to propel the vessel at high speeds across rivers. The oars being hollow, they can be converted into multiple pompoms to ward off attacks by enemy aircraft. They also act as spars for the collapsible wings folded into the match box projecting from the inventor’s left hand trousers pocket. A careful study of the picture will reveal many ether interesting features, including the rocket propulsion tube in the rear, large radar masts in the forecastle, and the producer gas power unit abaft the third 16in. gun turret. Says Dr. Thortit, “It can do everything except lav an egg.” (Unfortunately, owing to censorship regulations, we are unable to print our exclusive photograph of this valuable weapon of war. Editor.) With apologies to Cappicade.