Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You

Observation Post, Volume 1, Issue 19, 25 September 1942, Page 4

Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You

I The local builder was repairing the roof of the local asylum and had an inmate for assistant. All went well until lunch time. The whistle blew and the inmate grabbed the builder round the neck, and, with a terrible laugh," said: “Come on, let’s jump.” The -builder was frightened but suddenly had an inspiration and said: “Oh, rats! Anybody could do that. Come on, let's go down and jump up.” The soldier entered the shop in Parts to purchase a packet of cigarettes. He laid down a. 5 franc note. The Frenchman handed him the cigarettes and put the note in the drawer. Soldier: “Come on. Give me my change.” Frenchman: “No compre.’’ The soldier started storming and “going crook” when along came a M.P. sergeant and asked about the commotion, the soldier explained and_then asked the sergeant could he speaa French. Sergeant: “You’re darned right I ca n—watch me—l’ll straighten this out.” Sergt. to Frenchman: “Parlez vous Francaise?” Frenchman: “Oui. ’’ Sergeant: “Then why the hell don't you give this chap his change.” Son: “What is the person called who brings you in contact with the spirit world?” Father; “A barman, my son.”

A woman resident in China found it necessary to remonstrate with hex Chinese houseboy for.entering her' bedroom without knocking. “That allite, Missy,” said the boy, ‘ ‘ every time me come lookee through keyhole. You nothing on me no come in. ’ Boss: “Ben, I wish you wouldn’t sing while you are working.” Ben: “That.’s all right, boss, I wasn . working.”

TOPICAL. Heard during recent training in II Wing: Sergeant-Major: “When I was a sweet little child (it doesn’t seem possible but it MUST be true) I had a set -of wooden soldiers. There was a poor little boy lived nearby who had no toys and after going to Sunday School and hearing the goodness of charity, I gave them to the poor little boy. Then I wanted them back, and - cried, and my mother came along and said, ‘Don’t cry, Bertie, you’ll get them back! ’ And believe me, you ■ lopsided, muttonheaded, rattled-brained set of: certified rolling-pins, that day has come! ” ■ Teacher: “Now, children, watch this experiment. You will learn a valuable lesson. Here' l have a glass of water. I put this worm into it, and, see, it seems quite happy. See bow it wriggles and swims. Now I take the worm out and. put it into this glass of whisky, and see, the worm sinks to the bottom, quite dead. Now, think hard, children, what lesson does this teach you?’’ After a long pause, little Johnny raised his hand:. “Please, teacher, I know, if you have worms, drink whisky.” M.O. to brother officers, after a spell of leave: “My word, I had a peculiar case while I was on leave.” Oh, yes, what was that ”, y : . M. 0.: “I had to attend a grass widow with hay fever.

A Nazi had attended Hitler’s funeral and was telling his wife anout it. “It was beautiful, such mountains of wonderfull flowers sent for the Fuehrer! Such eloquent speeches from Herr Goering, Herr Goebbels, Herr von Ribbontrop, and such _ crowds of people. After the speeches they lowered the casket into the grave, then drew it up ” “But, why?’’ asked his wife. “Because,’’ said the husband in a whisper, “every time they lowered it, there was such applause, they had to bring it up for an encore.’’' Teacher, after history lesson: “Now, children, name two ancient sports.’’ Johnny: “Anthony and Cleopatra.” The doctor was visiting Rastus ’ wife to deliver her twelfth child. While 'riding down the driveway to the house Ire saw a duck. “Who’s duck is that?’’ asked the doctor. That ain't no duck, said Rastus “that’s the stork but his legs has wore off.’’ ' A young lady went for a swim in i secluded spot, but forgot her towel She stripped and stood in the sun ti dry and then heard the rushes nearby rustling.'’ “Who’s there ” she callei , out. / ( “Willie,’’ was the reply. “How old are you, Willie?’’ sh asked. I “Seventy-one, dammit, ’ was th | reply.

Chemist, to Joe Hangover: “Shall fix you a bromo?’’ 1 Joe Hangover: “Y€ Gods, no! can’t stand the noise.’’

Running after women never hurt anybody —it’s catching them that does the damage. The young soldier and his bride were spending their first night at a large hotel. When bedtime came the bride went to bed and the groom sat at the window gazing at the moon and the stars. The bride called to him and asked: “Why don’t you come to bed, John?’’ He replied: “My mother told me my wedding night would be most beautiful night of my life, so I’m not going to miss a minute of it.’’ “Where does this inviting shady lane lead to?’’ asked the motorist. Without moving from his contented rest on the fence, the local rustic launched a stream of tobacco juice with deadly aim on a grasshopper ten feet away, scratched' his head and said: “Wall, I dunno where it goes, but it’s lead mor’n half the young folks hereabouts into trouble.’ Manager to fired office boy: “Didn’t you read that liter I gave you?’’ Office boy: “Yes, sir, inside and out.. On the inside it read ‘You are fired,’ and on the outside it said “Return in five days,’ so here I am.’’