Shaggy Dog Tales

Cue (NZERS), Issue 13, 15 December 1944, Page 7

Shaggy Dog Tales

THIS type of story recently received a great vogue everywhere—probably because, like its namesake, it is difficult to make head or tail of, unless you have a lively imagination. Try these; you will either like them a lot or not at all. The list starts with the authentic, original

« shaggy dog » story.

r p HERE was once a man in America * who read an advertisement offering a huge reward to the finder of a large shaggy dog that had been lost. He kept his eyes open and that same day he found a dog which answered the description. So he took the afternoon off and went to the address given, to deliver the «goods» and claim his reward. When he got there, he found the advertisers had left for England. The man, determined to finish what he had begun, chucked up his job and went to England. When he got to England he - found the family had moved to the Continent. So he followed them to the Continent. Finally, one day about, a year later, he caught up with them in the South of France. Triumphantly he led the dog up the steps of the house and rang the bell. A butler opened the door. « Good morning,» said the man . . . « Here is the shaggy dog you lost.» The butler looked annoyed. «Not so damn shaggy as all that ! » he said, and slammed the door. y AT a village cricket match the visit- - ing team arrived one man short,

and the captain asked his opponents if they could find anyone to make up the side. «I’m awfully sorry,» said the captain of the home eleven. ' « There just isn’t anyone, but there’s a horse in the field over there. I’m sure he’d be glad of a game if you care to ask him.* '

So the visiting captain asked the horse, who replied he’d be only too pleased. to play. The visiting team batted first. The horse went in to bat towards the end of the innings and did extremely well, driving with great power and scoring both in front of and behind the wicket. He was still batting when the innings closed. . ' ;

When the home side came out to bat, the visiting captain took the first over, then asked the horse, who had been fielding brilliantly in the slips, if he would care to bowl from the other end. Very bashfully the horse shook his head. « Oh, no,» he said. « Thank you very much, but I couldn’t really.»

« Come on,» said the captain. « You played a magnificent innings. We’d all like to see more of you. I insist you try an over or two.»

'«Oh, no,» said the horse again, smiling slightly. « I couldn’t possibly. Who ever heard of a horse who could bowl ? »

A MAN at lunch pulled the dish of salad to him and, taking 7 a handful of lettuce, rubbed it in his hair. « Good heavens ! » expostulated his neighbour, « What are ’ you doing that for ? » « What am I doing what for ? » replied the man. « Why,» said the neighbour, « rubbing lettuce in your hair ? » « Lettuce ! » exclaimed the first one. « How could I have been so stupid ! I thought it was asparagus.» ? : ; \

jY MAN had been leaning against the outside wall of a big bank for sev-

eral hours. Every time the policeman on duty came round that way he found him there. ,Not moving at all, just leaning against the wall, looking disinterested. At last he went up to the man and told him to move along. « I can’t, » said the man, « I’m holding up the building.» « That’ll be enough from you,» - said the policeman, « move on at once.» « O.K ! » said the man, and walked away. Whereupon the building fell down.

A MAN was walking in the country ** the other day, when a horse put its head over the hedge and said- « Good morning ! » Unnerved, the man hurried on and tried to ignore the incident, but the horse caught him up again and said: « Good morning ! D’you know what I did yesterday ? I won the Derby.» Terrified, the man’ rushed to the nearest pub and ordered a double brandy, but as he was drinking it a farmer came up to him and said: « Did my horse speak to you just now ?» « Yes,» said the man, « he told me he’d won the Derby.* « Ruddy - liar,* answered the farmer, « he only came in second.»

A MAN telephoned a number in the middle of the night and after an interval a woman’s sleepy voice answered. «Is that one double one ?» asked the caller. . «No,» said the woman, «this is double one one.» « Must be the wrong number — awfully sorry. I disturbed you,» mumbled the man. « That’s quite all right,» replied the woman sweetly. «I had to get up anyway to answer the telephone.*

ONCE at an official dinner someone " produced this shaggy dog: Two lady hippos of darkest Africa were standing side by side, deso ,

in swamp waters. Together they ruminated in hippopotamusing silence, until one turned slowly toward the other and said with a pachydermic sigh: « Can’t think why I keep thinking its Thursday.*

Some laughter greeted the story, but after a pause one lady guest inquired in a vaguely puzzled voice: « And what day was it ? »