Wit of the Week

Camp News (Northern Command), Volume 1, Issue 24, 11 October 1940, Page 1

Wit of the Week

A little evacuee had been served with a chicken leg. After turning it this way and that to cut it, she asked: “Do you mind if I have something else besides the hinges?’ ***** They were returning home in the black-out, and held a heated discussion at a doorway. Finally, they thumped on the door, and a window above was thrust open. “What do you want at this hour?” demanded a forbidding voice. “Are you Mrs. Brown?” asked the spokesman hesitatingly. \ ; “I am,’ ’she snapped. “Good,” said the reveller. “Do you mind coming down and picking out Mr. Brown? The rest of us want to go home.”

The big sailor was home on leave and was celebrating in the local. After consuming about ten pints he suddenly glared round the bar and shouted “Anybody here want a fight?” The locals were all busy with their glasses. Again, he shouted, “Anybody here want a fight?” But again he received no answer. He drank his beer, walked across to the door, turned round and said “Well, you’re the most unsociable lot of blighters I’ve ever met.” \ **s * ' * GOOD AT THE JOB Sam, the pickpocket, decided to go straight, and applied for a job on a farm. “H’m,’ ’said the farmer, “you might do. Are you a good lifter?” Sam looked surprised, shrugged his shoulders, saying: “Well, judge for yourself— your blinkin’ watch.” * * * * THE MICROBE COUD HEAR The doctor had overhauled his patient. “You confess you are badtempered,” he said. “I suppose you know that science has discovered that your bad temper is caused by a microbe?” “Hush,” said - the patient. “For goodness sake speak quietly, doctor. She’s sitting in the next room.” * * * * Sergeant (to private on duty) : I could have swore I saw you smoking. Prive: Cor, lumme, the last officer from the mess swore he could see pink elephants. * . * * ♦ ■ - ONE FOR EVERY PORT The good-looking A.B. had been looking through all the Christmas cards in. the shop, yet .he seemed uncertain as to which he should choose. “Here’s a lovely tentiment,’ ’said the young saleslady: “To the only girl in the world I ever loved.” “Splendid,” cried the sailor. “I’ll take a dozen of those, please.” ***** The sweet young member of the W.A.T.S. had a message to deliver. “May I see the Captain?” she asked a sailor on the gangway. ' y-' “Yes, miss,’ came the reply. “You will find him forward.” “Oh, I’m not afraid,” she answered cheerfully, “I’ve been out with the boys of the R.A.F.”