SMILE-RAISERS.

New Zealand Tablet, 28 March 1918, Page 46

SMILE-RAISERS.

The riddle fiend announced : "If I take two letters from 'money' 'one' will be left. Curious isn't it?" "Very," drawled the bored friend> "but I can tell you something more curious." "What's that?" "A friend of mine took money from two letters, ••and now his wife and family are left!" The lawyer was drawing up old Furrow's will. "I hereby bequeath all my property to my wife," dictated the son of the soil. "Got that?" "Yes," continued the lawyer. "On condition that she marries again within a year." The legal light sat back puzzled. ."But why?" he asked. "Because," was the reply, "I want somebody to bo sorry I died !" A private in an Irish regiment and a Life Guardsman were "blowing" about the standard of height in their respective regiments. "Why," said the Life Guardsman, "one of our fellows is so tall that he can light his pipe at a lamppost." "Listen!" retorted Pat, "Flannigan, of D Company, is so tall that the beggar has to get down on his knees when, he wants to put his hands in his trousers pockets." A gentleman went into a barber's shop to have his hair cut. Having sat down in a chair, he glanced at the looking-glass in front, and saw reflected therein the attendant, who, to his surprise, was wearing rubber gloves. This fact caused the gentleman to become curious, so he said to the barber : "Why do you wear rubber gloves when cutting hair, my man !" "For the purpose," replied the attendant, "of keeping our celebrated hair-restorer from causing hair to grow on my hands." He sold a bottle. Two women who had not seen each other for many years met unexpectedly in the street. "How do you do?" exclaimed one, effusively. "Now, this is delightful !" said the other, who was the elder. "You haven't seen me for eleven years, and yet you knew me at once ! I cannot have changed so dreadfully in all that time. It flatters me !" "Oh, I recognised your bonnet," said the first. "Waiter!" called the customer in a restaurant where an orchestra was playing. "Kindly tell the leader of the orchestra to play something sad and low while I dine. I want to see if it will have a softening influence on this steak."